Bull Durham (1988)

Share this quote on facebook You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never borin' [giggle] - which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Makin' love is like hitting a baseball, you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250, unless he had a lot of RBIs or was a great glove man up the middle.

Share this quote on facebook This is the damndest season I've ever had; the Durham Bulls can't lose and I can't get laid!

Share this quote on facebook [narrating] Baseball may be a religion full of magic, cosmic truth, and the fundamental ontological riddles of our time, but it's also a job.

Share this quote on facebook [Wearing Annie's garter belt under his uniform for the first time] This underwear feels kinda sexy...that don't make me queer, right? Right.

Share this quote on facebook Why does he want me to throw the heat again, I just threw it. No, don't think, Meat, just give him the gas.

Share this quote on facebook [Gives up a hit in a close game] Shit, piss, fuck!

Share this quote on facebook A good friend of mine used to say, "This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." Think about that for a while.

Share this quote on facebook Annie: Millie, you've got to stay out of the clubhouse. It'll just get everybody in trouble.
Millie: I got lured.
Annie: You did not get "lured". Women never get lured. They're too strong and powerful for that. Now say it -- "I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions".
Millie: I didn't get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions.
Annie: That's better. Right, honey, let's get down to it. How was Ebby Calvin LaLoosh?
Millie: Well, he fucks like he pitches. Sorta all over the place.

Share this quote on facebook [Crash walks into Skip's office]
Larry: Who are you? [To Skip] Who's he?
Crash: I'm the player to be named later.
Skip: Crash Davis? I'm Joe Riggins. [Shakes Crash's hand]
Crash: And you, Larry Hockett, should recognize me, cause five years ago in the Texas League, you were pitching for El Paso, I was batting clean-up for Shreveport. You hung a curveball on a 0-2 pitch in a 3-2 game in the bottom of the 8th, and I tattooed it over the Michelin Tire sign and beat you 4-3.
Larry: [grins] Yeah, I remember, I should've thrown a slider. Damn, Crash, how you doing?

Share this quote on facebook Crash: I'm too old for this shit. Why the hell am I back in A ball?
Skip: 'Cause of Ebby Calvin LaLoosh. Big club's got a hundred grand in him.
Larry: He's got a million dollar arm, and a five cent head.
Skip: Had a gun on him tonight. The last five pitched he threw were faster that the first five, He has the best young arm I've seen in 30 years. You've been around. You're smart, professional. We want you to mature the kid. We want you to room with him on the road, stay on his case all year. He could go all the way.
Crash: Where can I go?
Skip: You can keep going to the ballpark, and keep getting paid to do it. Beats the hell out of working at Sears.
Larry: Sears sucks, Crash. I worked there once, sold old lady Kenmore. Nasty. Nasty business.
Skip: And who cares if it's the Carolina League. It's a chance to play every day.
Crash: You don't want a ballplayer; you want a stable pony.
Skip: Nah.
Crash: Well, my triple-A contract gets bought out so I can hold some flavor-of-the-month's dick in the bus leagues, is that it? Well, fuck this fucking game! [pause] I quit, all right? I fucking quit.
[Crash exits the office and stands in the clubhouse for a minute before sticking his head back through the door]
Crash: Who we play tomorrow?
Skip: Winston-Salem. Batting practice at 11:30.

Share this quote on facebook Reporter: So, how does it feel to get your first professional win?
Nuke: It feels out there, I mean it's a major rush. [Grabs the reporter's recorder and continues talking into it] I mean, it doesn't just feel out there, I mean it feels out there, you know? Um, kind of radical in a kind of tubular way, you know? But, most of all, it's out there...
Crash: [Watching nearby] This is hopeless. This is utterly fucking hopeless.

Share this quote on facebook Nuke: [After he has challenged Crash to a fight] I don't hit no man first.
Crash: All right, then, [throws him a baseball] hit me in the chest with that.
Nuke: I'd kill you!
Crash: Yeah?! From what I hear, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a fucking boat! [the crowd that has gathered laughs] Come on; right here, right in the chest!
Nuke: No way!
Crash: C'mon, Meat! Throw it! You know you're not gonna hit me, cause you've already started to think about it, eh?! Thinkin' about how embarrassing it would be to miss in front of all these people, how somebody might laugh?! Come on, Meat, show us that million-dollar arm, 'Cause I got a good idea about that five-cent head of yours!
[Nuke throws the ball and misses Crash by several feet, breaking a window]
Crash: Ball four.
Nuke: Who the fuck are you, man?!
[Nuke charges at Crash, who drops him with one punch to the face]
Nuke: Good punch...
Crash: I'm Crash Davis; I'm your new catcher, and you just got lesson number one: Don't think. You can only hurt the ball club.

Share this quote on facebook Skip: You guys...you lollygag the ball around the infield! You lollygag your way down to first! You lollygag in and out of the dugout! Do you know what that makes you? Larry?!
Larry: Lollygaggers!
Skip: Lollygaggers! What's our record, Larry?
Larry: 8-16.
Skip: 8-16...How did we ever win eight?
Larry: It's a miracle.
Skip: It's a miracle. This is a simple game: You throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball. You got it?!

Share this quote on facebook Crash: Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls - it's more democratic.
Nuke: [to himself] What's this guy know about pitching? If he's so good how come he's been in the minors for the last ten years? If he's so good how come Annie wants me instead of him?
Crash: [turns back] Oh, hey, and another thing, Meat. You don't know shit, all right? If you wanna make it to the bigs, you'll listen to me. Annie only wants you so she can boss you around, got it? So relax! Let's have some fun out here! This game's fun, OK? Fun goddamnit. And don't hold the ball so hard, OK? It's an egg. Hold it like an egg.
Nuke: [to himself again] What's he know about fun? I'm young. I know about fun. An old man. He don't know nothin' about fun.
Crash: [behind the plate again] All right. Nobody's goin' out there. [Crash calls for a curve ball]
Nuke: [to himself] Why's he calling for a curve ball? I want to bring heat. Shake him off. Throw what you want.
[Crash gives Nuke the sign for the pitch, Nuke shakes his head again.]
Crash: Timeout. [Walks to the mound] Hey! Why are you shaking me off? Huh?
Nuke: I want to bring the heater. Announce my presence with authority.
Crash: To announce your what?
Nuke: Announce my presence with authority!
Crash: To announce your fucking presence with authority?! This guy's a first-ball, fastball hitter, he's looking for the heat.
Nuke: So what? He ain't seen my heat.
Crash: All right, Meat. Give him your heat. [He walks back to his place behind the plate.]
Nuke: Why's he always calling me Meat? I'm the guy driving a Porsche.
Crash: [to the batter at the plate] Fastball.
[Nuke throws it and the batter hits a home run. The batter stands there, watching.]
Crash: What are you doin'? Huh? What are you doing standing here? I gave you a gift. You stand here showing up my pitcher? Run, dummy!

Share this quote on facebook Crash: Well, he really hit the shit outta that one, didn't he? [laughs]
Nuke: [softly, infuriated] I held it like an egg.
Crash: Yeah, and he scrambled the son of a bitch. Look at that, he hit the fucking bull! Guy gets a free steak! [laughs] You having fun yet?
Nuke: Oh, yeah. Havin' a blast.
Crash: Good.
Nuke: God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!
Crash: He did know.
Nuke: How?
Crash: I told him.

Share this quote on facebook Nuke: How come you don't like me?
Crash: Because you don't respect yourself, which is your problem. But you don't respect the game, and that's my problem. You got a gift.
Nuke: I got a what?
Crash: You got a gift. When you were a baby, the Gods reached down and turned your right arm into a thunderbolt. You got a Hall-of-Fame arm, but you're pissing it away.
Nuke: I ain't pissing nothing away. I got a Porsche already; a 911 with a quadrophonic Blaupunkt.
Crash: Christ, you don't need a quadrophonic Blaupunkt! What you need is a curveball! In the Show, everyone can hit a fastball.
Nuke: Well, how would you know? YOU been in the majors? Pft!
Crash: ...Yeah, I've been in the majors. [Players mutter in surprise]
Player: You were in the Show, man?
Crash: Yeah, I was in the Show. I was in the Show for 21 days once. The twenty-one greatest days of my life. You know, you never handle your luggage in the Show? Somebody else carries your bags, it's great. You hit white balls for batting practice. Ballparks are like cathedrals. The hotels all have room service. The women all have long legs and brains.
Player: They're really hot, huh?
Crash: And so are the pitchers. They throw ungodly breaking stuff in the Show. Exploding sliders. [To LaLoosh] You could be one of those guys. Nuke could be one of those guys. But you don't give a fuck, Meat.

Share this quote on facebook Nuke: You're playing with my mind.
Annie: I'm trying to play with your body.
Nuke: I knew it, you're trying to seduce me!
Annie: Well of course I'm trying to seduce you, for God's sake, and I'm doing a damn poor job of it... Aren't I pretty?
Nuke: God, I think you're real cute.
Annie: Cute? Baby ducks are cute, I HATE cute! I want to be exotic, and mysterious!
Nuke: You are, you're exotic, and mysterious, and... cute... and... That's why I'd better leave.

Share this quote on facebook Nuke: I love winning, I fucking love winning! You know what I'm saying? It's, like, better than losing? Teach me something new, man, I need to learn. Teach me something.
Crash: Well, you got something to write with? Good, it's time to work on your interviews.
Nuke: My interviews? What do I gotta do?
Crash: You're gonna have to learn your cliches. You're gonna have to study them, you're gonna have to learn them, you're gonna have to know them. They're your friends. Write this down: "We gotta play 'em one day at a time."
Nuke: [writing] "Got to play..." Pretty boring.
Crash: Of course it's boring, that's the point. Write it down.
Nuke: "One...day...at a time."
Crash: Alright, "I'm just happy to be here, hope I can help the ball club." [Nuke looks at him] I know, WRITE IT DOWN.

Share this quote on facebook Crash: I never told him to stay out of your bed.
Annie: You most certainly did.
Crash: I never told him to stay out of your bed.
Annie: Yes you did.
Crash: I told him that a player on a streak has to respect the streak.
Annie: Oh fine.
Crash: You know why? Because they don't - -they don't happen very often.
Annie: Right.
Crash: If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid, or because you're not getting laid, or because you wear women's underwear, then you are! And you should know that!
[long pause]
Crash: Come on, Annie, think of something clever to say, huh? Something full of magic, religion, bullshit. Come on, dazzle me.
Annie: I want you.

Share this quote on facebook [Larry jogs out to the mound to break up a players' conference]
Larry: Excuse me, but what the hell's going on out here?
Crash: Well, Nuke's scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man's here. We need a live... is it a live rooster?
[Jose nods]
Crash: We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present. [to the players] Is that about right?
[the players nod]
Crash: We're dealing with a lot of shit.
Larry: Okay, well, uh... candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she's registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let's get two! Go get 'em.

Share this quote on facebook Radio announcer: I've never seen Crash so angry, and frankly, sports fans, he used a certain word that's a no-no with umpires.
[Annie turns off the radio]
Millie: Crash must've called the guy a "cocksucker".
Annie: God, he's so romantic.

Share this quote on facebook A Major League love story in a Minor League town.

Share this quote on facebook It's all about sex and sport. What else is there?

Share this quote on facebook Romance is a lot like baseball. It's not whether you win or lose. It's how you play the game.

Share this quote on facebook A movie about America's other favorite pastime.

Share this quote on facebook Jenny Robertson - Millie