Dialogue
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[
the Szalinski's answering machine message]
Wayne: HI, you have reached the Szalinski's. Please leave a message or fax or a binary file after the beep.
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Diane: If those kids don't unshrink us, they will be in so much trouble!
Gordon: Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it, Thumbelina?
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[
climbing up a wicker chair]
Wayne: Honey, at least you're getting some exercise.
Diane: Yeah. Now that I have a wicker chair, I don't need to go to the gym anymore.
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Wayne: Diane, are you going to stay mad at me the whole time or are you going to try and make the best of this bad situation?
Diane: I'm going to stay mad at you the whole time.
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[
on the answering machine]
Wayne: Guess what? Change of plans. Gordon and I got invited to see the shuttle-launch tonight. So if that's okay, we're going to take off.
Diane: [
picks up the phone] No, Wayne. It is not okay. I am going on vacation. I must've told you this 15 times. Don't you remember?
Wayne: Sure, I remembered. Then I forgot.
Diane: Well, listen to me now, Wayne, and listen good. I am going on this vacation and nothing and NO ONE IS GOING TO STOP ME!
[
hangs up]
Wayne: You *do* need a vacation.
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[
Diane and Adam in the kitchen]
Adam: Hey Mom. Did Nick ever complain about Camp Isosoles?
Diane: He sure did. He *hated* it. He didn't like the fact that it lasted only six weeks instead of eight.
Adam: [
under his breath] What a brain-box. [
To Diane] Mom, what if I didn't want to go to a camp named after a triangle?
Diane: Amy didn't go to science camp. [
Adam brighten] She went to Shakespeare camp. Would you rather do that? [
Adam's smile fades] No. [
Adam turns away to pack his lunch bag] Where did all these bugs come from? [
Diane whacks an insect on the stove with the newspaper and looks up at the wall] [
giggling] Oh! A Daddy longlegs! [Diane was about to whack it
]
Adam: No, Mom, don't kill it! Daddy longlegs are good. They eat other bugs
[
A car honks, it's breaks screech, and a sound of metal crashes]
Diane: [
turning around, hearing the car honking] Hey, that would be your aunt Patty. [
Adam leaves the kitchen and Diane turns back to the wall] [
looking around the wall] Hey, he's gone. You live, for now. [
Diane throws the newspaper on the stove] Tell your friends. [
Diane leaves the kitchen]
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Wayne:
[greeting a woman with a dog on her table, wearing a machine] Hey, Marcia.
[greeting the dog] Hey, Trowser.
Marcia: Say 'hi', Trowser.
Trowser:
[barks and the machine translates the barking] Hello. Hello.
Gordon: "Hello"?
Marcia': Turns out, that's what "woof" means.
Trowser:
[barks and the machine translates him again] Feed me. Feed me.
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[Adam and Mitch were fooling around with their people, made from hot dogs, 'til Adam's volcano started to sputter' and a balloon flows up]
Adam: Oh, no! The Gods are getting restless and hungry! The village people forgot to make a sacrifice! Now they must become snacks! [holds out a fork] Behold my raft! [hits the balloon with the fork and bake beans with chili flows out of the volcano to the counter] It's working! Alright!
Mitch: Oh, no! We're burning up! Nothing can save us from the vortex of chili! Ha ha!
Adam: I'll save the baby! I'll save the baby!
[Adam eats the baby hot dog]
Mitch: I'm gonna eat the woman's leg.
[Mitch eats the woman hot dog] Lava-licious.
Adam: Lava-licious.
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[Diane and Patty were on their way to their vacation]
Patty: For the trip, I brought along a special friend to aid in the healing process. [Holds a cassette tape] Dr. brother love himself. Mr. Neil Diamond!
Diane: Get out of here! You brought the "Hot Nights" cassette?
Patty: I did!
Diane: God!
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[The parents were got away from a cockroach, from which Wayne saves Diane, shuddering and then laughing]
Wayne: The Szalinskis check in?
Gordon: And they do check out!
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[
Wayne and Gordon were floating on a bubble when they fell in Onion dip]
Wayne: Gordon, we're alive. We've been saved by...Onion dip.
Gordon: My god. We owe our lives to an appetizer.
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[
Jill made a mess on the table by spilling Onion dip with Wayne and Gordon"]
Jenny: Jill, you're making a mess!
Jill: Well, this stuff is pretty good. What's in it?
Wayne: The Szalinski brothers.
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[Ricky King and his friends came in the Szalinski's house for the party]
Gordon: Oh, great. Teenage boys. There are now teenage boys at this party.
Wayne: Hey! My Stereo!
Gordon: Hey, my daughter.
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[
Jenny Szalinski and Ricky King were together in the Szalinski's kitchen when Ricky King gave Jenny a kiss"]
Jenny: What are you doing?!
Ricky King: Kissing you.
Jenny: Well, you didn't ever ask.
Ricky King: Ask what?
Jenny: Ask if I want to kiss you!
Ricky King: What are you talking about?
Jenny: You just assumed that i wanted you to kiss me. I don't even know you. And even I did know you, and we talked and you got to know me, and you *asked* me if I wanted to kiss, I might have been into it. But the way you did it was just wrong.
Ricky King: Well, lots of girls like that.
Jenny: Well, I'm not one of them. I don't happen to think think that way. And as far as you and I are concerned, the party is over.
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[Diane and Patty were trying to move Mitch's medicine towards their kids when Mitch fainted]
Diane: I haven't worked this hard since I gave birth to Adam!
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[Gordon was on the midrange and was speaking to the kids at the party as a microphone"]
Gordon: I want you out. O-U-T! [
All the kids who came to the party left the house"] Yes. Oh, yes. Run. Quickly run, or I will swoop you down and teach you all a lesson in proper party etiquette! I will bring plaques to your tiny teeth. So brush, I tell you! Brush! Share this quote on facebook
[
climbing up a wicker chair]
Wayne: Honey, at least you're getting some exercise.
Diane: Yeah. Now that I have a wicker chair, I don't need to go to the gym anymore.
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[Gordon made it to the top of the wicker chair]
Gordon: Hey, Patty! Hang in there! You're doing great!
[Patty almost fell down to the cushion, whimpering]
Patty: No. No, Gordon. *Great* would be if I were in La Costa. I'm doing the opposite of great. I'm doing sucky.
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