Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny (2006)

Share this quote on facebook Are you ready to write a fucking master piece cause I sure the fuck am!

Share this quote on facebook Oh the dragons balls were blazing as I stepped into its cave and I sliced his fucking cockles with a long and shiny blade twas I who fucked the dragon fuck-a-lye sing fuck-a-loo and if you try to fuck with me then I shall fuck you too!

Share this quote on facebook Not a word unless its a fucking masterpiece!!!

Share this quote on facebook I totally miss the fucked up things you do.

Share this quote on facebook I was just following the code.

Share this quote on facebook Give me one cock pushup. The cock is a muscle. You've got to learn how to flex it.

Share this quote on facebook Uh, we're just regular guys, you know. We're just, flesh, and bone.

Share this quote on facebook I'm in the air-vent, dude. Dude, I totally missed you.

Share this quote on facebook When you can snatch this remote from my hand, then you can choose the channels we watch.

Share this quote on facebook That's right, run! Unless you want some more of this! Yeah! Grrr!

Share this quote on facebook I am complete! Yes you are fucked, shit out of luck, now I'm complete and my cock you will suck! This world will be mine, and you're first in line, you bought me the Pick and now you shall both die!

Share this quote on facebook Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, the Demon Code prevents me, from declining a rock-off challenge... What, are your terms, what's the ca-aatch??

Share this quote on facebook I'm the Devil, I love metal! Check this riff it's fuckin' tasty!!!!

Share this quote on facebook I can't wait to take Kage back to Hell! I'm gonna fill him with my hot demon gel, - I'll make him squeel like my scarlet pimpernell!

Share this quote on facebook (Opening verse)
Narrator: (Jack Black) (A long-ass fucking time ago, in a town called Kickapoo, there lived a humble family, religious through and through, but lo! there was a black sheep, who knew just what to do - His name was young J.B. and he refused to step in line; a vision he could see of; fucking rockin' all the time - he rode a tasty jam and all the planets did align!)

Share this quote on facebook [Jables meets Kyle]
Jables: Yeah! Yeah! Dude, that was like, the best thing I have ever seen! Who are you?
Kyle: The name's Kyle Gass.
Jables: Kyle Gass!!!! Dude, would you just teach me that one note where you were like -
Kyle: Dude, I'm not giving freakin' guitar lessons here today. Why don't you just stand over there?
Jables: Right over here? Yeah, dude you're awesome!

Share this quote on facebook [KG has gone off to chat with some extremely underage teen girls]
Jables: Fucking dick-squeezer!
[A strange-looking tramp dressed in a long dark coat, carrying a crutch, limps up to Jables and sits down dramatically and painfully in the chair next to him, knocking over a glass as he does so. Jables looks weirdly at him]
The Stranger: Hi.
Jables: Hi...
The Stranger: So... [swipes at a fly] What brings you to this neck of the woods?
Jables: What?
The Stranger: Let's just say... you don't seem like "rock 'n roll" types to me.
Jables: Well, we're not, we're just two businessmen going to see some shit in Sacramento, sorry.
The Stranger: Yes... yes. It's just... I couldn't help noticing... the guitars... in the back of your car. [Steals leafleft about Rock 'n Roll Museum when Jables turns his head]
Jables: Sorry, we're not, we're just businessmen, we sell guitars, so what, end of story, check please!
The Stranger: [Examines leaflet, Jables has scrawled Break in here on it] So... how are you planning... on breaking into the Rock 'n Roll History Museum?

Share this quote on facebook [Jables falls painfully into the air shaft]
Jables: Damn, that was all KG's fault! If he'd been here we wouldn't have messed up we would've got in nice and quiet. But now he's going to come back and be like "Can I be in your band now?" and I'll be like "No way cockshagger."
KG: It's KG can you hear me?
Jables: Yea, yea I can hear you loud and clear. You're saying bros before hos, but that's now what I wrote, asshole!
KG: I'm here
Jables: [notices a guard walking in the room right underneath him] Listen, I can't really talk right now shut up!
KG: I'm in the air-vent, dude.
[they both look at each other in an awkward moment]
KG: Dude, I totally missed you.
Jables: Me too.
[the floor beneath them suddenly gives way and the air-vent crashes down onto the floor of the museum. With them in it]

Share this quote on facebook [The Mic Host announces Tenacious D]
Mic Host: Since the beginning of Time, 'twas written in the stones that one day a band would come. Well now, that band has come, and they are here to come again... In your ear-pussies. Ladies and gentlemen, Tenacious D.

Share this quote on facebook [At their first concert]
Jables: So whassup, we're Tenacious D, and this is like our first concert ever, so it's pretty historical!

Share this quote on facebook The Stranger: I had it, the Pick of Destiny, I had it clutched in my fingers. But then I tripped, set off a laser, a security door came down on my leg. I would break in again, if I still had my leg. Ooh man, ooh, I do miss that sweet-ass leg of mine.
Jables: Why're you telling me this?
The Stranger: Because I like you! I see that sparkle in your eye which I once had. Here, let me show you something. (Slides paper under toilet door) This will help you, I promise you. These two air ducts on the roof. Speak of this to no-one!

Share this quote on facebook [The Mic Host sighs, picks up the Pick of Destiny. His eyes gleam with delight as he looks eerily round before revealing his true form as Satan.]
Jables: Dude, I figured out, we can still use the Pick - I use it in one hand and you can use it in the other, its still compatible - Whaaa? Where is that Pick?
[both look up and see a gigantic fiery Satan resplendent in his evil glory]
Jables and KG: [jumping in fear] Ah!
[Satan reattaches the Pick and returns to full power]
Satan: [singing]] I am complete! Yes you are fucked, shit out of luck, now I'm complete and my cock you will suck! This world will be mine, and you're first in line, you bought me the Pick and now you shall both die!
[luckily, JB jumps in]
JB: Waaait! Waaait! Waaaait you motherfucker! We challenge you, to play a rock-off challenge! [Satan sighs] Yeah, that's one chance you have to rock your socks off...
[silence]
Satan: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! The Demon Code prevents me, from declining a rock-off challenge, quick, name your terms, what's the caaa-aatch?
Jables: If we win, you must take, your sorry ass back to Hell. And you will have to pay our reee-eee-eent.
Satan: And if I win?
Jables: [not thinking straight] Then you can take Kage back to Hell.
Kage: What?
Jables: Trust me Kage, its the only way.
Kage: But what are you talking about?
Jables: To be your love bitch!
Satan: Fine! Fine! Let the rock off, begin! Mwahahahaha! [hardcore rock] I'm the Devil I love metal! Check this lick its fucking tasty, mwahaha! I'm the Devil I can do what I want, I can rock my ass in this flaunt, there's never been a rock off I've ever lost! I can't wait to take Kage back to Hell, I'm going to lick him with my hot demon gel, I'm going to squeal him like my scarlett pimpernel!
[Satan shows torture and sex instruments causing JB to yell no!]
JB: NO! Ok Kage, let's fight his music, with our music.
Kage: There's just no way we can win, that was a masterpiece.
JB: Listen to me!
Kage: He rocks so hard because he is not a mortal man!
JB: Goddamnit Kage! He's going to make you his sex slave! You're gonna gurgle mayonnaise!
Kage: Ohhh!
JB: Unless we bust this massive mammojam!
Kage: But JB, we've been through so much shit.
JB: Deactivating lasers with my dick. Now it's time to blow this fucker down. Come on Kage, now it's time to blow doors down!
Kage: I hear you Jables now its time to blow doors down!
JB: Line up the stage cos its time for the showdown, but then we get to take this around town! Now we get to blow this fucker down! Come on Kage he's gonna get you if you don't blow this fucker down! We know your secret, your rock is faulty! Your rock can't hurt us or blow our minds, we're gonna defeat you, for all mankind, you hold the Sceptre, you hold the Key, you are the Devil, we are the D! We are the D we are the D we are the D we are the D we are the D we are the D we are the D!
[music ends]
Satan: You guys are fucking lame! Come on Kage you're coming with me!!

Share this quote on facebook [Jables and Kyle're being chased by cops in a chase Kyle started]
Jables & KG: [singing] Car Chase City, that's the name of the game, it was all groovy, now it's totally lame! KG really fucking, blew a synapse, Now we're fucking headed for a total collapse! Car Chase City, run away from the Fuzz! Thought that we wasn't but we totally was! Car Chase City, now we're off the map! Car Chase City, Now I'm takin' a crap! Now it's getting hairy, so we're changing the key Never underestimate, the power of the D! KG fucking put his foot on the gas If we go to prison, shove the Pick up my ass! Fuck this shit, it's gone too far! KG pull over let me out of the car, Car Chase City, now we're taking the lane! KG blew it, now we're going insane!!!! Let's rock, let's roll, let me fill up your hole, Let's rock, let's roll, Car Chase City patrol! Picks, speed, turbo, oh, argh, gas, brakes, Spinning donuts, so spinning donuts, roll, flip it, gas, nitro, go!