Airplane! (1980)

Share this quote on facebook It was a rough place - the seediest dive on the wharf. Populated with every reject and cutthroat from Bombay to Calcutta. It's worse than Detroit.

Share this quote on facebook Ladies and gentlemen, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we encountered. There's no reason to become alarmed and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

Share this quote on facebook Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

Share this quote on facebook Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!

Share this quote on facebook All right, Striker, you listen, and listen close. Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle; it's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.

Share this quote on facebook Young Girl Passenger: [when offered cream for her coffee] No thank you, I take it black…like my men.

Share this quote on facebook LA Control Tower: Flight 2-0-9'er, you are cleared for take-off.
Oveur: Roger.
Murdock: Huh?
LA Control Tower: L.A. departure frequency: 1-2-3 point 9'er.
Oveur: Roger.
Murdock: Huh?
Basta: Request vector, over.
Oveur: What?
LA Control Tower: Flight 2-0-9'er, clear for vector 2-3-4.
Murdock: We have clearance, Clarence.
Oveur: Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?

Share this quote on facebook Randy: Excuse me sir, there's been a little problem in the cockpit…
Striker: The cockpit…what is it?
Randy: It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that's not important right now.

Share this quote on facebook Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey: No, sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Oveur: You ever…seen a grown man naked? Do you…like movies about gladiators?

Share this quote on facebook Oveur: Joey, have you ever been…in a Turkish Prison?

Share this quote on facebook Reporter: What kind of plane is it?
Johnny: Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels and it looks like a big Tylenol!

Share this quote on facebook [Elaine and Rumack investigate the fish poisoning]
Elaine: Doctor, Mr. Hammen ate fish, and Randy said there are five more cases, and they all had fish, too.
Rumack: And the co-pilot had fish. What did the navigator have?
Elaine: He had fish.
Rumack: All right, now we know what we're up against. Every passenger on this plane had fish for dinner will become violently ill in the next half hour.
Elaine: Just how serious is it?
Rumack: Extremely serious. It starts with a slight fever and dryness of the throat.
[Oveur starts suffering from these]
Rumack: When the virus penetrates the red blood cells, the victim becomes dizzy, begins to experience an itchy rash...
[Oveur suffers from those as well]
Rumack: ...then the poison goes to work on the central nervous system, severe muscle spasms followed by the inevitable drooling.
[Oveur also suffers from these]
Rumack: At this point, the entire digestive system collapses accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence. [Oveur does]
Rumack: Until finally, the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering wasted piece of jelly.
[Oveur collapses completely at the controls and the plane plummets, people swaying back and forth, and warning sign comes on saying "No Smoking - Rows 11-51, No Sexual Intercourse - Rows 13-51"]

Share this quote on facebook Dr. Rumack: Captain, these passengers don't have much time. How soon can we land?
Oveur: I can't tell.
Dr. Rumack: You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
Oveur: What I mean is, I don't know.
Dr. Rumack: Well can't you take a guess?
Oveur: ...Not for another two hours.
Dr. Rumack: You can't take a guess for another two hours?
Oveur: No what I'm saying is we can't land for another two hours.

Share this quote on facebook McCroskey: Johnny, what can you make of this? [hands Johnny a map]
Johnny: This? Well, I can make a hat; I can make a brooch; I can make a pterodactyl!

Share this quote on facebook Steve: He'll never bring it down in this soup. Never! Not one chance in a million.
Rex: I know. I know. But it's his ship now, his command; he's in charge, he's the boss, the head man, the top dog, the big cheese, the head honcho, number one...

Share this quote on facebook What's slower than a speeding bullet, and able to hit tall buildings at a single bound?

Share this quote on facebook Thank God it's Only a Motion Picture!

Share this quote on facebook The craziest flight you'll ever take!

Share this quote on facebook The Plane's going to Chicago. The Pilot's going to New York. The Passengers are going to Pieces!