Are We There Yet? (2005)

Share this quote on facebook [Kevin opens the car door into a pole, causing the yellow paint to stain on it]
Nick: Aw, damn! Boy, didn't you hear what I just said?!
Lindsey: (amazed) Ooh, you swore!
Nick: You're damn right I swore! That's about $400 damage worth to my new car!
Lindsey: That's twice. Now you have to put $2 in the Swear Jar.
Nick: (to Kevin) Yeah, well, he's got to put about $400 in my pocket. You got $400 for me?!
Kevin: No!
Nick: And I want it cash!
[Kevin starts crying]

Share this quote on facebook Kevin: I have to pee.
Nick: What?! No, no, no, you do not have to pee! Didn't you just go back at the train station?
Kevin: I tried to go, but there was a man standing next to me, so it just went away.
Nick: But look, man, all this open road. You can hold it, I know you can. Just cross your legs.
[Kevin does so]
Lindsey: You should've asked him to go before we left.
Nick: I did!
Lindsey: No, you asked before we got on the train, not before we left the station. You're supposed to ask before every segment. Everyone knows that.
Nick: Evidently not.

Share this quote on facebook Kid: Hey, mister, you got any Yu-Gi-Oh?
Nick: What you think?
Kid: Got any Dragon Ball GT?
Nick: Look, you come in here every day, askin' the same questions. We ain't got no Pokémon, no Digimon, no Buffy, no SpongeBob, no Beanie Babies, [spots a kid about to steal a trading card, so Nick throws a football at him] and no shoplifters! Now, get! Both of y'all! Get!

Share this quote on facebook Lindsey: I knew you were lying. "Yeah, we're just friends." Yeah, right. You're just usin' us to suck up to our Mama.
Nick: What?!
Kevin: Yeah, you're just a dirty, horny sex-man like all the others. Nasty man, you're a nasty, bad man!
Nick: Look, I tried to do your Mama a favor, you little booger!
Kevin: You probably wanna kiss her, don't 'cha? [he makes a face on the window]
Nick: Hey, off the glass! Off the glass! [to Lindsey] And you, open this door.
Lindsey: You forgot the magic word.
Nick: Open this damn door!
Kevin: Ooh, you just swore again! Lindsey, he just swore again!
Nick: So what? Hey, I'm not playin' with you.
Lindsey: You can't make us do anything.
Nick: Hey! This is my car! You hear me, little girl?! This is my car!
[Lindsey is getting ready to put the car into acceleration]
Nick: Uh uh! You better not! Look at me, I'm serious! I'm not playin' with you, little girl, okay? Now, if you don't open that door before I count to three, somebody gonna get it.

Share this quote on facebook Lindsey: What was Mom thinking?
Kevin: I don't know, I like him. He's kinda funny.
Lindsey: Hey, don't get soft! This guy is not our daddy. He's the enemy.

Share this quote on facebook Nick: Quiet down, there. Have patience.
Kevin and Lindsey: [make alarm blaring noises] Turn if off, Nick! Hurry! Hurry!
Nick: All right, calm down.

Share this quote on facebook Kevin: I'm not gonna make it. Do you have a bottle?
Nick: No!
Kevin: How 'bout this ashtray?
Nick: Kevin, there's no receptacle in this vehicle. Now, look, the exit's about a mile away, and you can hold it.
Kevin: How far is a mile?
Nick: I don't know, 5,000 and some kinda feet. Think about something else; football, a math test, uh, puberty.
Kevin: Are we there yet?
Nick: No!
Lindsey: I'm sure the carpet's absorbent.
Kevin: Here it comes!
Satchel: For God sakes, man, he's gonna make his water in your car!
Nick: No, he ain't. [speeds into truck stop] Incoming, incoming, incoming! Aaaah! Hold it, man.

Share this quote on facebook Nick: Oh, man! I never ever got to read the manual! [sees the car engulfing in flames; but the flames grow a little more violently] Hit the dirt!
[Nick and the kids leap away from the car, as it explodes and goes into flames]
Nick: No! This is about a year's pay. What did I do... What did I do to deserve this!? Why is this happening to me?! [behind him, Kevin and Lindsey look at each other in worry and regret; Nick looks behind him, to Kevin and Lindsey] It was you two! If I didn't volunteer to babysit you two little demons on this road trip, this kind of thing would never happen, and I'd still have my car! [Kevin and Lindsey start crying] Go ahead and cry, I don't care.

Share this quote on facebook Nick: Here we go, here we go!
[Nick kicks open the dirty toilet hut door]
Kevin and Nick: Ew!!
[Nick runs into ladies' room.]
Nick: In here, in here, hold it, hold it.
[Kevin slams the toilet hut door]
Woman: [freaks out] This is taken!
Nick: I'm sorry!

Share this quote on facebook 24 hours. 350 miles. His girlfriend's kids. What could possibly go wrong?

Share this quote on facebook Coming soon... by plane, by train, by car.

Share this quote on facebook To win over their mother, he's driving them across country. What could possibly go wrong?