Hercules (1997)

Share this quote on facebook Wow. What a day. First that restaurant by the bay... And then that, that play, that, that, that Oedipus thing?! Man! I thought I had problems!

Share this quote on facebook But, Father, I've defeated every single monster I've come up against. I-I'm... I'm the most famous person in all of Greece. I'm... I'm an action figure!
Spoken to Zeus

Share this quote on facebook Spoken to Zeus

Share this quote on facebook A true hero. Great! Uh, exactly how do you become a true hero?

Share this quote on facebook Well, you know how men are. They think 'No' means 'Yes' and 'Get lost' means 'Take me, I'm yours.'

Share this quote on facebook It's been a real slice.

Share this quote on facebook [rushing into Thebes, crying out] Please. Help! Please! There's been a terrible accident.

Share this quote on facebook [Hercules walks to the Cyclops] What are you doing?! Without your strength you'll be killed!

Share this quote on facebook [seeking a pillar falling, gasps in shock] Hercules, look out-- [runs to push him out of the way; the pillar crushes her]

Share this quote on facebook [as she lies down dying] Hades' deal is broken. [groans] He promised I wouldn't get hurt. [moans] People always do crazy things... [moans again] when they're in love.

Share this quote on facebook You're really choked up about this, aren't you?

Share this quote on facebook Then read my lips! Forget it.

Share this quote on facebook How sentimental. You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat! Huh?! [No one replies.] So, is this an audience or a mosaic?

Share this quote on facebook Memo to me, memo to me: maim you after my meeting.

Share this quote on facebook He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey! They bet on the wrong horse. Okay?

Share this quote on facebook Meg, Meg Meg! My sweet, deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but-ever-so-crucial, little, tiny detail? I own you!

Share this quote on facebook [after Pegasus blows out his flaming hair] Whoa! Is my hair out?!

Share this quote on facebook [As the Titans attack away from Mount Olympus] Uh, guys? Olympus would be that way. [points in the opposite direction]

Share this quote on facebook Zeusy, I'm home!

Share this quote on facebook I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus. A lot of "yusses". And every single one of those bums let me down flatter than a discus. None of them could go the distance. (Looking at a statue of a soldier in armour) And then there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all; the build, the foot-speed. He could jab! He could take a hit! He could keep on comin'! [pause] BUT THAT FORSLUGGINER HEEL OF HIS! He barely gets nicked there once (flicks the statue´s heel; it shatters into tiny fragments) and kaboom! He's history. Yeah, I had a dream once. I dreamed I would train the greatest hero there ever was. So great the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars for everyone to see. And everyone would say, "That's Phil's boy." That's right... Ah, but dreams are for rookies. A guy can only take so much disappointment.

Share this quote on facebook One town, a million troubles. The one and only Thebes. The Big Olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.

Share this quote on facebook [As Hercules fights the Hydra, whose heads multiply as they are cut off] WILL YOU FORGET THE HEAD-SLICING THING?!?!

Share this quote on facebook No No No No No kid, giving up is for rookies. I came back because I'm not quitting on ya. I'm willing to go the distance. How about you?

Share this quote on facebook [about Meg] She's a fraud!

Share this quote on facebook "Fabulous party. Y'know, I haven't seen this much love in a room since Narcissus discovered himself."

Share this quote on facebook "Uh, Hephaestus has been captured, my lord. Everyone's been captured. (Pain and Panic grab him) Ah! I've been captured! Hey, watch the glasses."

Share this quote on facebook Narrator: [First lines] Long ago, in the far away land of ancient Greece, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes was the mighty Hercules. But what is the measure of a true hero? Now that is where our story —
Thalia: Would you listen to him? He's making the story sound like some Greek tragedy!
Terpsichore: Lighten up, dude!
Calliope: We'll take it from here, darling.
Narrator: You go, girl.

Share this quote on facebook Calliope: If there is one god who don't want to get steamed up, it's Hades.
Terpsichore: 'Cause he had an evil plan.
Thalia: [singing] He ran the underworld,
But thought the dead were dull and uncouth
He was as mean as he was ruthless
And that's the gospel truth
He had a plan to shake things up
And that's the gospel truth!

Share this quote on facebook Melpomene: [singing] Young Herc was mortal now
But since he did not drink the last drop,
He still retained his godlike strength,
So thank his lucky star
But Zeus and Hera wept
Because their son could never come home,
They'd have to watch their precious baby
Grow up from afar
Though, Hades' horrid plan
Was hatched before Herc cut his first tooth
The boy grew stronger ev'ry day
And that's the gospel truth

Share this quote on facebook Thalia: [singing about Hercules' fame and success] And they slapped his face on ev'ry vase
Clio: [hits Thalia on the head] On ev'ry "vah-se!"

Share this quote on facebook The Fates: In 18 years precisely / The planets will align ever so nicely.
Hades: Ay, verse. Oy.
The Fates: The time to act will be at hand / Unleash the Titans, your monstrous band.
Hades: Mmm-hmm. Good, good.
The Fates: Then the once-proud Zeus will finally fall / And you, Hades, will rule all!
Hades: [excitedly] Yes! Hades rules!
The Fates: A word of caution to this tale...
Hades: [stops short] Excuse me?
The Fates: Should Hercules fight, you will fail.
[The Fates laugh, then disappear]
Hades: [his head goes fiery red with rage] WHAT?! [calmly] Okay, fine, fine, I'm cool, I'm fine.

Share this quote on facebook Panic: Hades is gonna kill us when he finds out what happened.
Pain: You mean, if he finds out!
Panic: Of course he's gonna-- If... if is good.

Share this quote on facebook Hades: Ladies. Hah! I'm so sorry that I'm--
Fates: (all at once) Late!
Fate 1 (Lachesis): We knew you would be.
Fate 2 (Clotho): We know everything!
Fate 1: Past.
Fate 2: Present!
Fate 3 (Atropos): And future. [elbows Panic] [whispering] Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big.

Share this quote on facebook Hera: Hercules, oh...! [starts sobbing]
Zeus: (roaring) NO! [voice echoes]
(Thunder starts raging in Mount Olympus)

Share this quote on facebook [Hercules goes to stop Nessus the centaur from manhandling Meg]
Nessus: [looms over him] Step aside, two-legs.
Hercules: [awkwardly] Pardon me, my good, uh... sir, but I demand you release that young...
Meg: Keep moving, junior.
Hercules: ...lady. But... aren't you... a damsel in distress?
Meg: [struggling in Nessus' grip] I'm a damsel... Ugh! I'm in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day.

Share this quote on facebook Zeus: So, Hades! You finally made it! How's things in the underworld?
Hades: [sarcastically] Ah, well, it's just fine. Y'know, little dark, little gloomy, and there's always-- Hey! Full of dead people, whaddya gonna do?

Share this quote on facebook Meg: Look, it wasn't my fault, it was this wonder-boy Hercules!
[Hades freezes in shock; Pain and Panic look nervous]
Panic: Hercules... oh... why does that name ring a bell?
Pain: I dunno... maybe we owe him money?
Hades: What... was that name... again?
Meg: Hercules.
Hades: [turns red with fury, then turns away, still red hot] OH!!!
Meg: [continuing seemingly without noticing Hades] He comes on with this big 'innocent farmboy' routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute.
Pain: Wait a minute. Wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to--?
(They both spot Hades reaching for them)
Both: OH, MY GODS!
Pain: Run for it!
Hades: (grabs them) So you took care of him, huh?! Dead as a doornail. Weren't those your exact words?!
Pain: This might be a different Hercules!
Panic: Yeah, I mean Hercules is a... [Hades chokes him] very popular name nowadays!
Pain: "Remember like a few years ago - every other boy was named Jason and the girls were all named Britney?!"
Hades: I'm about to re-arrange the cosmos... and the one schlemiel... who can louse it up... is waltzing around... IN THE WOODS! [literally explodes with rage]'

Share this quote on facebook Hades: I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him and it doesn't even-- [notices Pain wearing Air-Herc sandals] What are those?
Pain: Um, I don't know. I thought they looked kinda dashing.
Hades: I got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke, [up in flames] ...and you... are wearing... HIS MERCHANDISE!?!?!
[suddenly the sound of slurping can be heard and Hades turns to Panic who is drinking a Hercules drink, Panic then notices that Hades is angry]
Panic: [chuckles nervously] Thirsty?
[Hades, entirely up in flames, screams; a big explosion far away and the whole stadium rumbles]

Share this quote on facebook [Phil just explained to Hercules that Meg is a traitor]
Phil: She's a fraud! She's been playing you for a sap!
Hercules: "Come on, Phil. Stop kidding around."
Phil: "I'm NOT kidding around!
Hercules: I know you're upset about today, but that's no reason to--"
Phil: Kid, you're missing the point!
Hercules: "Point is: I LOVE her."
Phil: "She don't love YOU!"
Hercules: "You're crazy!"
Phil: "She's nothing but a two-timin'--"
Hercules: STOP IT!
Phil: --no good, LYIN, SCHEMING--
Hercules: [hits Phil] SHUT UP!!!
[Phil crashes into a pile of weights and chains potentially on the ground; Then he looks at him, on the verge of tears, then he gets up; Hercules is shocked of what he has done]
Hercules: Phil, I... I didn't mean... Oh, I'm- I'm sorry.
Phil: Okay. Okay. That's it. Won't face the truth? Fine.
Hercules: "Phil, wait. Where are you going?"
Phil: "I'm hopping the first barge outta here. I'm going home.
Hercules: "FINE! G-GO! I don't- I don't need you." [Starts lifting a heavy weight]
Phil: [stops and looks back] I thought you were going to be the all-time champ. [Hercules stops lifting] Not the all-time chump. [He leaves, and Hercules looks back at Phil with guilt]

Share this quote on facebook [Hades approaches the very spot where the Titans are imprisoned]
Hades: Brothers! Titans! Look at you in your squalid prison! Who put you down there?!
Titans: ZEUS!!
Hades: [releases them] And now that I set you free, what is the first thing you are going to do?!
Titans: [punch through the ground] DESTROY HIM!
Hades: Good answer.

Share this quote on facebook [the Titans think they are on their way to Olympus]
Hades: Uh, guys? [the titans face Hades; points at Olympus] Olympus would be that way.
[the titans head off to Olympus]

Share this quote on facebook Hades: Zeusy, I'm home!!
Zeus: Hades, you are behind THIS?!
Hades: You are correct, sir!

Share this quote on facebook A Comedy of Epic Proportions

Share this quote on facebook Happy IV of July!

Share this quote on facebook Zero to Hero!

Share this quote on facebook Who puts the GLAD in GLADIATOR?

Share this quote on facebook You can run but you can't Hydra!

Share this quote on facebook Vanéese Y. Thomas - Clio (voice)

Share this quote on facebook Cheryl Freeman - Melpomene (voice)