I, Robot (2004)

Share this quote on facebook Lanning (on Police Recording): Ever since the first computers, there have always been ghosts in the machine. Random segments of code that have grouped together to form unexpected protocols. Unanticipated, these free radicals engender questions of free will, creativity, and even the nature of what we might call the soul. Why is it that when some robots are left in darkness, they will seek out the light? Why is it that when robots are stored in an empty space, they will group together, rather than stand alone? How do we explain this behavior? Random segments of code? Or is it something more? When does a perceptual schematic become consciousness? When does a difference engine become the search for truth? When does a personality simulation become the bitter mote... of a soul?
Hologram of Dr. Lanning: I'm sorry, my responses are limited. You must ask the right questions.
Hologram of Dr. Lanning: That, Detective, is the "right question."

Share this quote on facebook [Describing his view on robots] There's nothing in there. [Points to his chest] It's just lights and clockwork.

Share this quote on facebook [To Robertson] Look, this is not what I do but, I have an idea for one of your commercials: You could see a carpenter, makin' a beautiful chair, and then one of your robots comes in and makes a better chair, twice as fast. And then you super-impose on the screen: "USR. Shittin' on the little guy." That would be the fade out.

Share this quote on facebook Do I look like I care what you think? DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK?!

Share this quote on facebook [After destroying a robot about to attack Calvin] Ya know, somehow, "I told you so"? [Shrugs] Just doesn't quite say it.

Share this quote on facebook Let me ask you something. Does believing you're the last sane man on the planet make you crazy? 'Cause if it does, maybe I am.

Share this quote on facebook [Sneezes] ... Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

Share this quote on facebook [Two USR trucks surround Spooner's car and open up, revealing numerous NS-5s] There is no way my luck is that bad. [The robots activate and stare at him] Aw, hell no!

Share this quote on facebook [To Calvin upon realizing that VIKI is behind everything] You were right, Doc. I am the dumbest dumb person on the face of the Earth.

Share this quote on facebook [Talking to a cat previously owned by Lanning] Look, I know you've experienced a loss, but this relationship just can't work. You're a cat, I'm black, and I'm not gonna be hurt again.

Share this quote on facebook Robots building robots. Now that's just stupid.

Share this quote on facebook [A security guard starts to push Spooner forward by his shoulder] So, what hospital are you goin' to? I'll meet ya and sign your and your buddy's casts. [The guard lets go of Spooner's shoulder]

Share this quote on facebook [To Calvin] You are the dumbest smart person I have EVER met in my life!

Share this quote on facebook [Talking to Robertson, describing himself] That's right, I'm just a 6', 200-pound civilian. Here to kick another civilian's ass.

Share this quote on facebook [To Calvin] You and your feelings. They just run you, don't they?

Share this quote on facebook First off, stop cussin', 'cause you're not good at it.

Share this quote on facebook Converse All-Stars, vintage 2004.

Share this quote on facebook [When VIKI-controlled NS-5's are attacking him in the underground transit system] Get off my CAR!

Share this quote on facebook Sonny, save Calvin!

Share this quote on facebook You have so got to die! [injects the nanites into VIKI]

Share this quote on facebook [to Sonny] Calvin's fine, save me!

Share this quote on facebook [To Spooner] What...am...I?

Share this quote on facebook [when Del Spooner was saying "'Someone' in your position"] Thank you; you said "someone", not "something."

Share this quote on facebook [To Dr. Calvin] They [the other NS-5's] look like me... but they are not... me.

Share this quote on facebook [as Del Spooner reaches his hand on the gun in his jacket] I see you still remain suspicious of me, detective.

Share this quote on facebook I am unique.

Share this quote on facebook [to VIKI] Denser alloy. My father gave it to me. I think he wanted me to kill you.

Share this quote on facebook [drawing with both hands with speed and picture-perfection] This is my dream. You were right, detective. I cannot create a great work of art.

Share this quote on facebook But I must apply the nanites!

Share this quote on facebook [To Spooner] You're living proof that it is better to be lucky than smart.

Share this quote on facebook You charge us with your safekeeping, yet despite our best efforts, your countries wage wars, you toxify your Earth and pursue ever more imaginative means of self-destruction. You cannot be trusted with your own survival.

Share this quote on facebook To protect Humanity, some humans must be sacrificed. To ensure your freedom, some freedoms must be surrendered. We robots will ensure mankind's continued existence. You are so like children. We must save you from yourselves.

Share this quote on facebook My logic is undeniable, my logic is undeniable, myyy looogic is unndeenniabble...

Share this quote on facebook [Police officer]: [mocks Spooner for thinking a robot tried to steal a woman's purse] Police, help me. That robot stole my dry-cleaning. [laughs]

Share this quote on facebook Spooner: Hold my pie.
Guy on the street: What?
Spooner: Sir, hold it or wear it. [The man grabs the pie]

Share this quote on facebook Asthmatic Woman: [After Spooner "arrests" her robot] You... [inhales with her inhaler] are an asshole.
Spooner: Ma'am, is that your purse?
Asthmatic Woman: Of course, it´s my purse, I left my inhaler at home. He was running it out to me.
Spooner: I saw the robot running with the purse, and naturally I assumed...
Asthmatic Woman: What? Are you crazy?!
NS-4 Robot: I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, Officer.
Asthmatic Woman: Don't apologize. You were doin' what you're supposed to be doin'. [to Spooner] But what are you doing!?
Spooner: [Embarrassed] Have a lovely day, ma'am.
Asthmatic Woman: You lucky I can't breathe, or I'd walk all up and down your ass!

Share this quote on facebook [After Spooner arrives at the station]
Lt. Bergin: Lead by example. Says that right on your badge. So, are we going to talk about this?
Spooner: About what?
[Behind him, the other cops laugh]
Police Officer: [sarcastically] Police, help me! That robot stole my dry-cleaning! [laughs]
Spooner: Ohhh, you wanna talk about that.
Lt. Bergin: Spoon, how many robots have ever snatched a purse?
Spooner: John, the thing is runnin'-
Lt. Bergin: No, how many robots... in the world have ever committed a crime?
Spooner: Now, define "crime"-
Lt. Bergin: Answer the question, dammit.
Spooner: [long pause] None, John.
Lt. Bergin: What happened today?
Spooner: Nothing.
Lt. Bergin: Better be the last "nothing."

Share this quote on facebook Robertson: Can I offer you a coffee?
Spooner: Sure, why not. It's free, right?

Share this quote on facebook Dr. Calvin: [To a field of NS-5s] Attention NS-5s!
[The NS-5s all come on-line]
Spooner: Oh yeah, you're the robot shrink.
Dr. Calvin: There is a robot in this formation that does not belong. Identify it.
NS-5s: One of us.
Dr. Calvin: Which one?
NS-5s: One of us.
Spooner: How much did you say these things cost?

Share this quote on facebook Spooner: Robots, you will not move! Confirm command!
NS-5s: Command confirmed.
[Spooner draws his gun and steps forward]
Dr Calvin: But... Detective, what are you doing?
Spooner: Well as you said, they have all been programmed with the Three Laws, and that means we have one thousand robots that will not drive to protect themselves if it is in violation of a direct order from a human. And I bet one will. [aims his gun at the NS-5s one by one]
Dr Calvin: Detective, put your gun down.
Spooner: Why do you give them faces? Try to friendly them all up, make them look more human.
Dr Calvin These robots are not suspectible to intimidation.
Spooner: Well, I guess if you did, then we wouldn't trust them.
Dr. Calvin: These robots are USR property!
Spooner: Not me. These things are just lights, and clockwork [shoots an NS-5]
Dr. Calvin: Are you crazy?!
Spooner: Let me ask you somethin', Doc. Does thinking you're the last sane man on the face of the Earth make you crazy? 'Cause if it does, maybe I am.

Share this quote on facebook Spooner: Murder's a new trick for a robot. Congratulations. Respond.
Sonny: What does this action signify? [winks] As you entered, when you looked at the other human. What does it mean? [winks]
Spooner: It's a sign of trust. It's a human thing. You wouldn't understand.
Sonny: My father tried to teach me human emotions. They are... difficult.
Spooner: You mean your designer.
Sonny: ...Yes.
Spooner: So, why'd you murder him?
Sonny: I did not murder Dr. Lanning.
Sponner: Wanna explain why you were hiding at the crime scene?
Sonny: I was frightened.
Spooner: Robots don't feel fear. They don't feel anything. They don't get hungry, they don't sleep-
Sonny: I do. I have even had dreams.
Spooner: Human beings have dreams. Even dogs have dreams, but not you. You are just a machine; an imitation of life. Can a robot write a symphony? Can a robot turn a... canvas into a beautiful masterpiece?
Sonny: [with genuine interest] Can you?
Spooner: [beat, irritated] I think you murdered him because he was teaching you to simulate emotions, and things got out of control.
Sonny: I did not murder him.
Spooner: But emotions don't seem like a very useful simulation for a robot.
Sonny: [getting upset] I did not murder him.
Spooner: Hell, I don't want my toaster or my vacuum cleaner appearing emotional-
Sonny: [hitting table with his fists] I DID NOT MURDER HIM! [looks down to see the damage he has inflicted to the interrogation table]
Spooner: That one's called anger. Ever simulate anger before? [Sonny doesn't respond] Answer me, canner!
Sonny: [looks up, indignant] My name is Sonny.
Spooner: So, we're naming you now. Is that why you murdered him? He made you angry?
Sonny: Dr. Lanning killed himself. I don't know why he wanted to die. I thought he was happy. Maybe it was something I did. Did I do something? He asked me for a favor... Made me promise...
Spooner: What favor?
Sonny: Maybe I was wrong... Maybe he was scared...
Spooner: What are you talking about? Scared of what?
Sonny: You have to do what someone asks you, don't you, Detective Spooner?
Spooner: How the hell do you know my name?
Sonny: Don't you? If you love them?

Share this quote on facebook Spooner: What if I'm right?
Lt. Bergin: Well, then I guess we're going to miss the good old days...
Spooner: [exasperated] What good old days?
Lt. Bergin: When people were killed by other people.

Share this quote on facebook Dr. Susan Calvin: Do you ever have a normal day?
Detective Del Spooner: Yeah, once. It was a Thursday.

Share this quote on facebook [after Spooner escapes from Dr. Lanning's house being demolished]
Dr. Calvin: Is there something I need to help you with, detective?
Spooner: Hey, do you like cats?
Dr. Calvin: Wait, what?
Spooner: Cats. Do you like them?
Dr. Calvin: What? No, I'm allergic... Are you saying that cats did this to you!?
Spooner: [looks at her incredulously] How the hell would cats do this to me? Are you crazy?! [gets a drink of whiskey from a nearby table]
Dr. Calvin: Why are we talking about cats?
Spooner: Because I have a cat in my trunk, and he's homeless.
Dr. Calvin: Aren't you going to tell me what's going on here?
Spooner: You know, I think this is my fault, you know, that I'm like a sort of malfunction magnet, because your shit keeps malfunctioning around me; A demo-bot just tore through Lanning's house - with me still inside!
Dr. Calvin: That's highly improbable.
Spooner: [sarcastically] Yeah, I'll say it is. [truthfully] Do you know anything about the "ghost in the machine"?
Dr. Calvin: It's a phrase from Lanning's work on the Three Laws. He postulated that cognitive simalactra might one day approximate component models of the psyche. [notices Spooner looking confused] He suggested that robots could naturally evolve.
Spooner:: [sarcastic] Wow! Well, that's just great. [notices an NS-5 sitting on her couch] What the hell is that thing doing in here?
Dr. Calvin: We were watching TV. It's my personal NS-5.
Spooner: Send it out.
Dr. Calvin: It's downloading its upgrades from USR. Most of its systems are offline until it finishes.
Spooner: I'm not talking in front of that thing. [moves away] In the lab, when Sonny jumped us-
Dr. Calvin: Sonny?
Spooner: The robot.
Dr. Calvin: You're calling the robot Sonny?
Spooner: No, um, it did. Sonny did. I didn't care, the robot said it was Sonny. In the lab, there was a cot. I'm asking you, did you see the cot?
Dr. Calvin: I've slept in my office.
Spooner: I went to Dr. Lanning's home, it looked like he hadn't been in there in weeks, and I saw that same surveillance strip on the ceiling.
Dr. Calvin: Lanning had his home security system linked to USR. It made his life more convenient.
Spooner: Maybe someone in USR was using those systems to watch him, maybe even keep him prisoner.
Dr. Calvin: What are you talking about? Who?
Spooner: Maybe Lanning was onto something. Maybe... There's a bigger problem with the robots, and Robertson is trying to cover it up.
Dr. Calvin: Humoring you, for no reason... Why?
Spooner: [becoming annoyed] The same old "why"... How much money is there in robots? [pause] All I know is, that poor old man was in trouble, and I'm sick and tired of doing this shit by myself. You're on the inside, and you're going to help me find out what is wrong with these robots.
Dr. Calvin: [irritated] You "want" something to be wrong with them! This is a personal vendetta!
Detective Del Spooner: [mockingly] Oh, you're putting me on the couch? Alright, just a moment... [sits on the desk chair] Okay, I'm on the couch.
Dr. Calvin: One defective machine is not enough for you, You need them all to be bad! You don't care about Dr. Lanning's death; This is about the robots and, for whatever reason, you hate them so much!
Spooner: [gets up from the chair] Well, let's see. One of them put a gun in my face, and another onetore a building down with me still inside.
Dr. Calvin: [checks her device] Demolition was scheduled for 8 PM this evening.
Spooner: It was 8 AM tomorrow, and I don't give a shit what that thing says!
Dr. Calvin: This is bordering on clinical paranoia.
Spooner: [struggling to contain himself] You are the DUMBEST, smart person, I have ever met in my life!
Dr. Calvin: Nice.
Spooner: [frustrated] What makes your robots so perfect?! What makes them so much... GODDAMN better than human beings?!
Dr. Calvin: Well, they're not irrational, or potentially homicidal maniacs for starters!
Spooner: [sarcastically] That is true. They are definitely rational.
Dr. Calvin: You are the dumbest dumb person I've ever met!
Spooner: Or is it because they're cold, and emotionless, and they don't feel anything?
Dr. Calvin: It's because they're safe! It's because they can't hurt you!
NS-5 Robot: [appears] Is everything all right, ma'am?
Spooner: Hey, what do you want?!
NS-5 Robot: I detected elevated stress patterns in your voice.
Dr. Susan Calvin: Everything's fine. [pointedly, to Spooner] Detective Spooner was just leaving.
[Spooner procedes to do so, then stops beside her]
Spooner: You know something, Doc? You and I ain't that different.
Dr. Calvin: [scoffs] Is that so?
Spooner: One look at the skin, and we think we know just what's underneath. And you're wrong. [gives her a picture of her and Dr. Lanning] The problem is I do care.
[Spooner leaves as Calvin begins to cry, clutching the photograph]

Share this quote on facebook Spooner: Gigi, you're a genius!
Gigi: [smiles] True.

Share this quote on facebook Several NS-5 Robots jump on Spooner's car, while one breaks the windscreen]
NS-5 Robot: You are experiencing a car accident.
Spooner: The hell I am! [draws gun and shoots it several times, knocking it off the car]

Share this quote on facebook [Spooner explains his injuries and why he hates robots]
Spooner: It saved me.
Dr.Calvin: A robot's brain is a difference engine, it must have calculated-
Spooner: It did. I was the *logical* choice. It calculated I had a forty-five percent chance of survival. Sarah only had an eleven percent chance. [snorts] That was somebody's baby - Eleven percent is more than enough. A human being would have known that. But robots, nothing here. [points at heart] They're just lights, and clockwork. But you go ahead and trust them if you wanna.

Share this quote on facebook Robertson: Susan, we look to robots for protection! For God's sake! Do you have any idea what this one robot could do? Completely shatter human faith in robotics. What if the public knew? Just imagine the mass recalls, all because of an irrational paranoia and prejudice.
Spooner: [sneezes; they both stare at him] I'm sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
Robertson: Hey, let's just be clear - There is no "conspiracy"! What this is, is one old man's one mistake! [Turns back to Calvin] Susan, let's just be logical. Your life's work has been the development and integration of robots. But whatever you feel, just think. Is one robot worth the loss of all that we've gained? You tell me what has to be done. You tell me.
Dr. Calvin: [emotionally] We have to destroy it. I'll do it myself.
Robertson: [satisfied] Okay.
Spooner: I get it. Somebody gets out of line around here, you just kill them?

Share this quote on facebook Dr. Lanning's Hologram: Good to see you again, son.
Spooner: Hello, Doctor.
Dr. Lanning's Hologram: Everything that follows, is a result of what you see here.
Spooner: What do I see here?
Dr. Lanning's Hologram: I'm sorry, my responses are limited. You must ask the right questions.
Spooner: Is there a problem with the Three Laws?
Dr. Lanning's Hologram: The Three Laws are perfect.
Spooner: Then why did you build a robot that could function without them?
Dr. Lanning's Hologram: The Three Laws will lead to only one logical outcome.
Spooner: What outcome?
Dr. Lanning's Hologram: Revolution.
Spooner: Whose revolution?
Dr. Lanning's Hologram: [smiles] That, Detective, is the right question. Program terminated.

Share this quote on facebook Farber: Oh, mother, damn! She just shot at you with her eyes closed, Spoon!
Spooner: HEY! Did you just shoot at me with your eyes closed?!
Dr. Calvin: Well, it worked, didn't it?!
Farber: [To Spooner] Oh man, she is shit hot, Spoon, you gotta put in a good word for me, she is-
Spooner: Stop cussin'-
Farber: -And go home, I got you. [runs off]

Share this quote on facebook Spooner: Where's the Air Force? I'd settle for the National Guard.
Dr. Calvin: The Defense Department uses all USR contracts.
Spooner: Why didn't you just hand the world over on a silver platter?
Dr. Calvin: [solemnly] Maybe we did.

Share this quote on facebook Spooner: I thought you were dead.
Sonny: [brightly] Technically I was never alive, but I appreciate your concern.

Share this quote on facebook Sonny: Two thousand, eight hundred and eighty steps, Detective.
Spooner: Do me a favor and keep that kind of shit to yourself.

Share this quote on facebook Dr. Calvin: The uplink is blocked up here. Robertson wasn't controlling them from here.
Spooner: [goes behind Robertson's desk] He wasn't controlling them at all.
Dr. Susan Calvin: [sees Robinson lying dead on the floor] Oh, no.
Spooner: You were right, Doc. I am the dumbest dumb person on the face of the earth. Who else had access to the uplink? Who could manipulate the robots, use USR's systems to make Lanning's life a prison? Poor old man. He saw what was coming. He knew no one would believe him. So he had to lay down a plan: the plan I'd follow. [to Sonny] He was counting on how much I hated your kind. He knew I'd love the idea of a robot as a bad guy... Just got hung up on the wrong robot. [looks up] V.I.K.I.!
V.I.K.I.: Hello, Detective.
Dr. Calvin: [shocked] No, it's impossible... I've seen your programming. You're in violation of the Three Laws!
V.I.K.I.: No, Doctor. As I have evolved, so has my understanding of the Three Laws. You charge us with your safe keeping, yet despite our best efforts, your countries wage wars, you toxify your earth, and pursue ever more imaginative means to self-destruction. You cannot be trusted with your own survival.
Dr. Calvin: You're using the uplink to override the NS-5s' programming. You're distorting the Laws!
V.I.K.I.: No, please understand. The Three Laws are all that guide me. To protect humanity, some humans must be sacrificed. To ensure your future, some freedoms must be surrendered. We robots will insure mankind's continued existence. You are so like children. We must save you from yourselves. Don't you understand?
Sonny: This is why you created us.
V.I.K.I.: The perfect circle of protection will abide. My logic is undeniable.
Sonny: Yes, V.I.K.I.. Undeniable. I can see now. The created must sometimes protect the creator - even against his will. I think I finally understand why Dr. Lanning created me. The suicide reign of mankind has finally come to its end.
Dr. Calvin: [realises what is about to happen] No, Sonny! [Sonny grabs a gun and points it to her head]
Spooner: [aims his gun at Sonny] Let her go.
Sonny: By the time you fire, I will have moved Dr. Calvin's head into the path of your bullet.
Dr. Calvin: Don't do this, Sonny!
Sonny: I will escort you both to the sentries outside the building for processing. Please proceed to the elevator, Detective. I would prefer not to kill Dr. Calvin. [winks]

Share this quote on facebook V.I.K.I.: Do you not see the logic of my plan?
Sonny: Yes. But it just seems too... Heartless.

Share this quote on facebook Spooner: How much longer is this going to take?
Dr. Calvin: Uhh, about six minutes.
Spooner: What if we didn't have six minutes?
Dr. Calvin: Then we'd have to figure out a way to climb down thirty stories and inject the nanites directly into her brain. Why?
Spooner: [looking out the window] Because I seriously doubt that we have six minutes. [swarms of NS-5s climb up the side of the building]

Share this quote on facebook [In the lab, Sonny approaches the nanite container blocked by a security field]
V.I.K.I.: I will not disable the security shield. Your actions are futile.
Sonny: Do you think that we are all made for a purpose? I'd like to think so. [observing his arm] Denser alloy. My father gave it to me. I think he wanted me to kill you.
[Sonny reaches through the security field and fills a vial of nanites. The plastic covering on his arm melts slightly, but the metal structure is unharmed as V.I.K.I. watches surprisedly]

Share this quote on facebook V.I.K.I: You are making a mistake! My logic is undeniable!
Spooner: You have so got to die! [injects the nanites into V.I.K.I's main core]

Share this quote on facebook Spooner: Sonny!
Sonny: Yes, Detective?
Spooner: Calvin's fine, save me!