Men in Black (1997)

Share this quote on facebook You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity to an unlicensed cephalopoid, Jeebs, you piece of...!

Share this quote on facebook [to Jeebs] I want you on the next transport off this rock, or I'm gonna shoot you where it don't grow back.

Share this quote on facebook A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it!

Share this quote on facebook 1,500 years ago, everybody knew that the Earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody knew that the Earth was flat. And 15 minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.

Share this quote on facebook That is a lot of fun, it's a universal translator. We're not even supposed to have it, and I'll tell you why: human thought is so primitive, it's looked upon as an infectious disease in some of the better galaxies. That kind of makes you proud, doesn't it?

Share this quote on facebook Imagine a giant cockroach, with unlimited strength, a massive inferiority complex, and a real short temper, is tear-assing around Manhattan island in a brand new Edgar suit. That sound like fun?

Share this quote on facebook No, ma'am. We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of.

Share this quote on facebook You see this?! Huh?! NYPD! Means I will knock your punk-ass down!

Share this quote on facebook You trying to catch a beat-down, huh?!

Share this quote on facebook [to Agent K, while wearing his suit for the first time] You know what the difference is between you and me? I make this look good.

Share this quote on facebook I hate the living.

Share this quote on facebook [examining Rosenberg's corpse] Oh, my God! [laughs] Whoa, buddy, what are you?

Share this quote on facebook [to J and K] Interesting job you guys have.

Share this quote on facebook [Regrowing his head after K has blown it off] You insensitive prick! Do you have any idea how much that stings?

Share this quote on facebook [voiceover, as Edwards becomes Agent J] You'll dress only in attire specially sanctioned by MIB Special Services. You'll conform to the identity we give you, eat where we tell you, live where we tell you. From now on, you'll have no identifying marks of any kind. You'll not stand out in any way. Your entire image is crafted to leave no lasting memory with anyone you encounter. You're a rumor, recognizable only as déjà vu and dismissed just as quickly. You don't exist. You were never even born. Anonymity is your name, silence your native tongue. You're no longer part of the System. You are above the System. Over it. Beyond it. We're "them". We're "they". We are the Men in Black.

Share this quote on facebook We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here.

Share this quote on facebook The twins keep us on Centaurian time, standard 37-hour day. Give it a few months. You'll get used to it. Or you'll have a psychotic episode.

Share this quote on facebook Containment may be a moot point, old friend. The exodus continues. It's like the party's over and the last one to leave gets stuck with the check.

Share this quote on facebook [Yelling at the worms as they desert their posts] YOU SORRY LITTLE INGRATES!

Share this quote on facebook Agent K: Que dices si te rompo la cara?(What do you say if I break your face?)

Share this quote on facebook Agent K: No hablas ni una palabra del Espanol, verdad, amigo? (You don't speak a word of Spanish, right, friend?)

Share this quote on facebook Agent K: We got a winner.to the others) Los restos estan libres a irse. Largense! (The rest of you are free to go. Scram!)

Share this quote on facebook Edgar: I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house, with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead, I get this. It looks like poison. Don't you take that away! I'm eating that, dammit! It is poison, isn't it? I swear to God, I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog been hit too much, or ain't been hit enough. I can't make up my mind. You're useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck!
[An alien spaceship crashes into Edgar's truck. Opening the door, shotgun in hand, Edgar surveys the wreckage while his wife watches.]
Edgar: Figures.
Beatrice: What the heck is it, Edgar?
Edgar: Get your big butt back in the house! [He walks to the crater]
Bug: [unseen] Place projectile weapon on the ground.
Edgar: You can have my gun... [He cocks it] when you pry it from my cold dead fingers.
Bug: Your proposal is acceptable.
[The Bug seizes Edgar and pulls him down into the pit.]

Share this quote on facebook [The Bug enters Edgar's house, wearing Edgar's skin as a disguise.]
Beatrice: Edgar, what on earth was that?
Edgar/Bug: Sugar.
Beatrice: I've never seen sugar do that.
Edgar/Bug: Give me sugar.
[Beatrice holds up the sugar bowl from the kitchen table.]
Edgar/Bug: In water.
[She puts a teaspoon of sugar into a glass of water and holds it up.]
Edgar/Bug: More.
[Confused, Beatrice adds some more sugar to the glass.]
Edgar/Bug: More.
[She empties all the sugar into the glass and gives it to Edgar/Bug, who noisily guzzles it.]
Beatrice: Edgar, your skin is hanging off your bones.
Edgar/Bug: [looks at his reflection] Oh, yeah. [He grabs his scalp and stretches it back against his skull.] There. Is that better?
[Beatrice faints.]

Share this quote on facebook Agent K: All right, kid, here's the deal. At any given time there are around fifteen hundred aliens on the planet, most of them right here in Manhattan. And most of them are decent enough, they're just trying to make a living.
James: Cab drivers.
Agent K: No, not as many as you'd think. Humans, for the most part, don't have a clue. They don't want one or need one, either. They're happy. They think they have a good bead on things.
James: Why the big secret? People are smart. They can handle it.
Agent K: A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat. And fifteen minutes ago, you knew that people were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
James: What's the catch?
Agent K: The catch? The catch is you will sever every human contact. Nobody will ever know you exist anywhere...Ever. I'll give you 'til sunrise to think it over. [walks away]
James: Hey! Is it worth it?
Agent K: Oh yeah, it's worth it. [pause] If you're strong enough.

Share this quote on facebook Agent K: [He neuralyzes Beatrice after she tells them her story] Alright, Beatrice, there was no alien. The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket, and refracted light from Venus.
Agent J: Wait, wait, wait a minute. So, you just flash that thing, it erases her memory, and you just come up with a new one?
Agent K: A standard issue Neuralyzer.
Agent J: And that weak-ass story's the best you can come up with?
Agent K: Yeah. [to Beatrice] On a more personal note, Beatrice, Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend. You're gonna go stay with your mom a couple nights, you're gonna get over it, and decide you're better off.
Agent J: Well, yeah, 'cause, 'cause, he never appreciated you anyway. In fact, you know what, you kicked him out! And now that he's gone, you're gonna go in town, go to Bloomingdale's, get yourself some nice dresses, get yourself some shoes, go somewhere maybe, get a facial, and, uh, oh, hire a decorator to come into this place quick, 'cause, damn!

Share this quote on facebook [A police officer pushes a stretcher with Rosenberg's corpse and a cat on top.]
Police Officer: Where do you want contestant number three?
Dr. Laurel Weaver: Just leave it there.

Share this quote on facebook Little Green Alien Rosenberg Gentle: War. The galaxy...is on...Orion's....Belt-be---What is word?
Agent J: The Bed? Belt? Orion's Belt? (Little Green Alien Rosenberg Gentle nod as she is fall and Rosenburg head gearshift screens are shutting down and Little Green Rosenberg gentle dead] To prevent war the galaxy is on Orion's belt. What the hell does that mean? Dr., uh... Whatever, come here.
Dr. Laurel Weaver: Dr. Whatever? Hey, you guys aren't really from the Department of Health, are you?
Agent K: Rosenberg. Aw, damn. The Arquillians are not gonna like this. This guy was one of the royal family.
Dr. Laurel Weaver: I knew it. This is an alien, and you guys are from some government agency trying to keep it under wraps.

Share this quote on facebook [As K and J arrive at the morgue to get Orion]
Agent J: Look, K, why don't you let me handle this one?
Agent K: What?
Agent J: Come on, man, all we gotta do is go in here and get a cat, it's not really that hard. But if you go in there, you're gonna lay your Jack Webb on her, start flashing your brain ray all her face, she's gonna wind up with leukemia and some shit. The woman's a doctor, she don't need you flashing away half her med school classes. Five minutes.
Agent K: Two minutes.
[J goes in and K waits outside.]

Share this quote on facebook [Facing off with the Bug in the morgue, as he holds Laurel at gunpoint]
Agent K: Freeze it, Bug!
Agent J: Don't shoot! Don't shoot!
Dr. Laurel Weaver: Christ, you are thick!
Agent J: Look, how was I supposed to know?!
Dr. Laurel Weaver: What did I have to do, sing it for you?!
Agent J: Well, if you weren't coming on like some drunken prom date...!
Dr. Laurel Weaver: Oh, God, that is so typical! Any woman who shows yet the slightest hint of sexual independence...!
Edgar/Bug: Oh, everybody shut up!
Agent K: Let her go, shiteater.
Edgar/Bug: Now listen, monkey-boy! Compared to you humans, I'm on the top rung of the evolutionary ladder! So can it, all right?!
Agent K: You're breaking my heart. Show me your face and I'll cure all your ills.
Edgar/Bug: You ever pulled the wings off a fly? Do you care to see the fly get even?!
Agent K: How far do you think you're gonna get without your ship, if that's what you call that piece of space trash we've got locked up in the office?
Edgar/Bug: Put your weapons down!
Agent K: Never gonna happen, insect.
Agent J: It's okay, Laurel.
Dr. Laurel Weaver: How is it okay?
Agent J: I'm saying it's gonna be okay.
Edgar/Bug: Don't bet on it, meatsack!

Share this quote on facebook Dr. Laurel Weaver: You don't wanna eat me. I'm a very important person on my planet. Like a queen. A goddess, even! There are those who worship me! I'm not telling you this to try to impress you, I'm just letting you know, it could start a war–
Edgar/Bug: Good, war! That means more food for my family, all seventy-eight million of them. That's a lot of mouths to feed, Your Highness.
Dr. Laurel Weaver: You're a wonderful dad, but I'm staying here!

Share this quote on facebook Agent J: You do know Elvis is dead, right?
Agent K: No, Elvis is not dead, he just went home.

Share this quote on facebook Agent J: [after stepping on a cockroach, causing the Bug to freeze as he is climbing to the remaining ship] Uh-oh. I'm sorry. Was that your auntie? [the Bug turns toward J with a furious snarl] Oh. Then that must mean that-that's your uncle, then, huh? [points at another cockroach at his feet before squashing it] You know, you all look alike. [Enraged, the Bug descends to the ground and approaches him] Well, well. Big bad bug got a bit of a soft spot, huh? [squishes another cockroach; the Bug snarls in anger] See, what I can't understand is why you gotta come down bringing all this ruckus! Snatching up galaxies and everything. [Laurel watches as the Bug moves closer to Agent J] My attitude is don't start nothing, won't be nothing! [crushes two more cockroaches as the Bug walks right up to him, seething with anger] You need to ease up out of my face before something bad happens to you. [K loads his gun within the Bug's stomach] Too late.
[K shoots, blowing the Bug in half and freeing himself. J picks up the galaxy. K calls headquarters.]
Agent K: Zed, call the Arquillians, tell them we have the galaxy.
Zed: You got it, friend.
[K hangs up.]
Agent J: Gonna get your gun back, huh?
Agent K: I like this gun.
Agent J: Yeah, well, while you were in there playing around, I was down here doing all the work. First, I had to bean him in the head with the big rock. Then I was going to hit him with a two by four. He kicked me. You know, it hurt. Then I got the fire I was yah with the fire.
Agent K: Not bad for your second day of work is it?
Agent J: This definitely rates a 9.0 on my weird shit o meter.
Agent K: Should've beend here for the Zeronion migration in 1968. I guess you weren't even alive in 68.

Share this quote on facebook Agent J: No, you won't.

Share this quote on facebook [After K's retirement, Dr. Weaver has joined MIB as J's new partner, Agent L]
Agent L: Hey, J! Zed called. The High Councilor from Solaxian 9 wants floor seats for the Knicks–Bulls game.
Agent J: All right, let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman. He's from that planet.
Agent L: Rodman? You're kidding.
Agent J: Nope.
Agent L: Not much of a disguise.