Men in Black II (2002)

Share this quote on facebook I never worked in a funeral home. Something I can do for you, Slick?

Share this quote on facebook Get a mop, and escort all civilian personnel from this site immediately. [After coffee has been spilt at the post office.]

Share this quote on facebook Jeff, excuse my partner. He's new and he's... [Jeff attacks T]...kinda stupid.

Share this quote on facebook Transit Authority, people! We need to move to the forward car, there's a bug in the electrical system. [passengers ignore him] Yo! People! We got a bug in the electrical system!

Share this quote on facebook [after Frank the Pug suggests the "good cop, bad cop thing"] How about we do the good cop, dumb dog thing, and you just shut up?

Share this quote on facebook Jeff, I am so not in the mood for you! Get back in the subway! Right now!

Share this quote on facebook Yeah, every Saturday night you'd be like, "Flush me J. Flush me." and I'd be like, "Naw."

Share this quote on facebook [After the Worms shutdown the MIB headquarters upon him and K taking it back] WORMS!!

Share this quote on facebook [after seeing the Grand Central Station Locker Creatures’ ”large adult entertainment section”] That's just nasty.

Share this quote on facebook Silly little planet. I could rule the place with the right set of mammary glands.

Share this quote on facebook Prisoners of MIB. The scum of the universe. Well, now it's the scum's turn.

Share this quote on facebook So feisty.

Share this quote on facebook Here's the deal. I lose, you lose. I win, everything keeps spinning.

Share this quote on facebook Oh, yummy. Someone I need to eat.

Share this quote on facebook An hour ago, a man I've known my whole life vanished in front of my eyes because of a woman with things coming out of her fingers and a two-headed guy with the IQ of a cannoli. So yeah, everything's okay.

Share this quote on facebook When we're kids, before we're taught how to think, or what to believe, our hearts tell us there is something else out there. I know what I saw. You tell me what I'm supposed to believe.

Share this quote on facebook Michael Jackson: I could be Agent M!

Share this quote on facebook Grand Central Station Locker Creatures: K is back! The light keeper! All hail K! All hail K! Oh, K, can you see by the dawn's early light...

Share this quote on facebook Jeebs: (head is growing back after J shot it off) Oh, great, right in the pie-hole! Now nothing's gonna taste right!

Share this quote on facebook Doorman: [after J and K come to stop Serleena, he's reading a tabloid that says "Satan Escapes from Hell."] It's about time you guys got here. That pretty lady in there is causing all kinds of hell.

Share this quote on facebook MIB Customs Agent: Any fruit or vegetables?
Serleena: [motioning towards Scrad] Yeah, two heads of cabbage.

Share this quote on facebook Zed: How'd it go?
Agent M: The door-locks are gone and the treaty is signed.
Zed: Good work.
Agent M: Zed? What about that position you promised me in Men In Black?
Zed: Still working on the Alien Affirmative Action Program, I'll keep you posted.
Agent M: Wait a minute, that's not what you promised me!
Zed: You're– you're breaking up!
Agent M: Zed? Hello? I can be Agent M!

Share this quote on facebook Agent J: Wait, what are you doing?
Agent K: I always did the driving.
Agent J: Oh, no.
Agent K: I remember that.
Agent J: No, what you remember is that you used to drive that old busted jawn. See, I drive... the new hotness. [points at Kay] Old and busted. [points at himself] New hotness. [K looks at J for a second, then J hands the keys over] Old, busted hotness.

Share this quote on facebook [after finding the arsenal in K's old apartment, J neuralizes the family living there]
Agent K: You did not see a room full of shiny weapons. You did not see four alien nightcrawlers. You will love and cherish each other for the rest of your lives.
Agent J: Which could be the next 27, 28 minutes, so y’all should get to the lovin’ and cherishin’. Oh, and she can stay up late as she wants and can have cookies, candy, and cakes and junk and stuff.

Share this quote on facebook Agent J: [J is hiding Laura at the Worms' place] Here's my communicator. You'll be safe here.
Worms: [Laura kisses Jay] Whooooh!
Agent J: Uh... just... watch out for Neeble.
Laura: Which one's Neeble?
Agent J: Um... err... which one o' y'all's Neeble?
Neeble: Yo, mama! I'm Neeble.
Agent J: Ah, there ya go. And... uh... don't fall asleep.
[Jay exits]
Worms: Twister!

Share this quote on facebook [after K turned on the auto pilot during the chase...]
Agent K: It is not automatic piloting.
Agent J: He doesn't work when we're in hyperspeed.
Agent K: I could really use a steering wheel!
Agent J: We don't have no damn steering wheel! This is what we got! [turns off auto pilot] Didn't your mother give you a Gameboy?
Agent K: WHAT is a Gameboy?!

Share this quote on facebook Agent K: When you get sad it, always seems to rain.
Laura: Lots of people get sad when it rains.
Agent K: It rains because you're sad, baby.

Share this quote on facebook Laura: It's not fair.
Agent J: [Sad smile] Never is.

Share this quote on facebook Agent J: So Laura is Princess Laurana's daughter. [turns to K] Did y'all...?
Agent K: MIB's a mess. Let's go.

Share this quote on facebook (last lines)
Agent J: Kay, we gotta take them out. Show them there's more life than that locker.
Agent K: [sighs] Still a rookie. *opens a door, showing that humans live in a locker and there are many more giant aliens outside the door*
Frank: Whoa.

Share this quote on facebook Kevin Brown / K: You're standing between me and my memories, pal. Now you have this deneuralyzer thing or not?
Jeebs: Mmm, no. Fresh out. [J and K stare at him, clearly not believing a word Jeebs is saying] Can't help you. [They continue staring] Don't got it... [J and K continue to stare. Jeebs cracks] Even if I did... If it doesn't work, K dies, you blow my head off! If it does work, I brought back K who, just for the fun of it, blows my head off! Sooo, what's MY incentive? [J points his gun at Jeebs' head] [weak laugh] Okay, homey, I keep it right downstairs next to the snowblower.
[K smiles, satisfied]

Share this quote on facebook Newton: (to J and K) Gentlemen...before I roll the tape, there's just one question I need to ask; what's up with anal probing? I mean, aliens travel hundreds of universes just to check out our–
Agent J: Boy, move!

Share this quote on facebook Agent J: [walks up to K, who is now the postmaster of Turro, Massachusetts at a post office; K’s name tag reads ”Kevin Brown”] Kevin. Heh. Wow. Kevin. That's funny. You don't have a ”Kevin”... You don't remember me, but we used to work together.
Agent K: I never worked in a funeral home. Something I can do for you, Slick?
Agent J: Okay. Straight to the point. [whispers in a serious voice] You are a former agent of a top-secret organization that monitors extraterrestrials on Earth. We're the Men in Black. We have a situation, and we need your help.
Agent K There's a free mental health clinic at the corner of Lilac and East Valley. Next!
Elizabeth: Excuse me.
Agent J: Hey.
Elizabeth: 20 Rugrats stamps, please.
Agent K: Elizabeth. The United States Postal Service hasn't quite kept up with today's youth, but I can offer you some Berlin airlift stamps.
Elizabeth: No.
Agent K: Opera legends?
Elizabeth: No.
Agent K: American Samoa?
Elizabeth: No.
Agent K: Amish quilts?
Elizabeth: No.
Agent J: [moves Elizabeth over] I'm sorry, sweetie. Got a world to save here. [turns back to K] There was no coma. It was all a cover.
Agent K: Who are you?
Agent J: The question is, who are you?
Agent K: I'm the postmaster of Turro, Massachusetts, and I'm ordering you to leave these premises.