Mr. Deeds (2002)

Share this quote on facebook Ma'am, you were just the victim of a New York City mugger. As I suspected, he was a coward and a weakling, and also wore more cologne than any man should wear.

Share this quote on facebook Deeds: You climbed mountains and built skyscrapers.
You made TV shows and put out newspapers.
You were wicked good at doing stocks.
You liked it when Emilio would change your socks.
We never hung out and that makes me sad.
All the good times we could've had.
But when I die, Uncle Preston, you better say "Cheers".
Cause when me and you are hanging at the pearly gates, I'll bring the beers. I'll bring the beers.
Reverend Sharpton: Nice rhyme, nice rhyme.

Share this quote on facebook [Deeds talks to the pilots]
Deeds: You guys football fans? I think the Pats could take the conference this year. I mean, the Dolphins are overrated and the Jets are choke artists.
Pilot: I wouldn't say that, Mr. Deeds.
Deeds: Just Deeds. Why's that, though?
Pilot: You own the Jets, Deeds.
Deeds: I do?! Whoa! That sucks. Jeez. I hope they don't play the Pats in the playoffs, or I'll have to kill myself.

Share this quote on facebook Emilio: How can I thank you?
Deeds: All I want is your friendship, Emilio. You're a good man.
Emilio: Deeds! How about a billion dollars?
Deeds: All right.
Emilio: Done.

Share this quote on facebook Deeds: Whoa, you kinda snuck up on me there...
Emilio: I am very very sneaky, sir.

Share this quote on facebook [Deeds shows Emilio his frostbitten foot]
Emilio: The hideousness of that foot will haunt my dreams forever.
Deeds: Oh, yeah. I've heard that before.

Share this quote on facebook [Cecil raises his hand after Cedar asks if anyone knows a doctor that just faxed them]
Cedar: Congratulations, you have a spastic colon.
Cecil: That would explain a lot.

Share this quote on facebook Deeds: What are you in for?
Crazy Eyes: Eh, I'm doin' an overnighter for bitin' the mailman.
[waves his hand]
Crazy Eyes: He was tryin' to cast some spell on me like a wizard or somethin'.
Deeds: You sure about that?
Crazy Eyes: I don't know, maybe he was just wavin'.
[waves hand then sees Chuck and Cecil]
Crazy Eyes: Who're your friends?
Deeds: This is Chuck and Cecil, they're visiting from New York.
Crazy Eyes: I don't like 'em.
Deeds: Okay, then.

Share this quote on facebook Deeds: Crazy Eyes.
Crazy Eyes: Hey, Deeds.
Deeds: How you doin', pal? I got your pizza for you, just the way you like it.
Crazy Eyes: Oh, yes. French Fries and Oreos, you know me all too well, Deeds.

Share this quote on facebook McEnroe: I like the way you beat up those guys who were making fun of you. It was pretty cool.
Deeds: Yeah I bet you know what it's like to get all riled up, Johnny Mac.
McEnroe: That I do.

Share this quote on facebook Consuela: Want me to wipe the leaves on your ficus tree, Mr. Blake?
Blake: You can call me Preston.
Consuela: Want me to wipe the leaves on your ficus tree, Preston?
Blake: Yes. Yes! YES!
[they embrace wildly]

Share this quote on facebook [in Coretta's burning apartment]
Coretta: I'm not leaving without me kitties.
Deeds: How many cats do you have?
Coretta: 7.
Deeds: Holy shit. Lets get cracking. I apologize for the language.
Coretta: Apology accepted.

Share this quote on facebook Murph: Hey, look, Deedsy is hanging out with McEnroe!
Crazy Eyes: I love The Beach Boys.

Share this quote on facebook Babe: Oh, you have got to be shittin' me.
Deeds: Whoa... that's the first time I've heard you curse.
Babe: I'm that excited.

Share this quote on facebook Babe: And this is my brother Denny's room,
[opens a closet door]
Babe: They didn't like my brother very much.

Share this quote on facebook Rev. Sharpton: Now Brother Preston is soaring with eagles high above,
because he lived a life of love.
Yes, he's flying way up high,
because he was a supercool guy.
He's gone away too soon, it seems,
leaving behind his unfinished dreams.
Deeds: [impressed] This guy could make a fortune writing greeting cards.
Rev. Sharpton: Yes, we remember Preston Blake.
A man with faith no man could shake.
A strength no man could break.
A character no man could fake.
For goodness sake, let's eat some cake.
Funeral attendants: Amen.
Deeds: Amen!

Share this quote on facebook Deeds: So how is the elevator business treating you, Reuben?
Reuben: Oh, it has its ups and downs.
[both laugh]

Share this quote on facebook [Babe is fighting against Jan, and Babe just kicked her in the crotch several times]
Jan: Where were you kickin'? I ain't got no balls, dummy!

Share this quote on facebook [last lines]
Crazy Eyes: [drives his new Corvette] Damn, these things are fast!
[he floors it and crashes into a tree]
Crazy Eyes: I'm okay! [laughs] I'm okay!

Share this quote on facebook Babe: [reads the card Deeds wrote for her] Hard to breathe, feels like floating.
So full of love, my heart's exploding.
Mouth is dry, hands are shaking.
My heart is yours for the taking.
Acting weird, not myself.
Dancing around like the Keebler elf.
Finally time, for this poor schlub
to know how it feels, to fall in lub.
Deeds: I couldn't think of anything else that rhymes with schlub. Rub and tub didn't work.

Share this quote on facebook Mac: Are you gonna see him again tonight?
Babe: Yes. I'm calling him around 4:00. It's when I get off work. Remember, I'm Pam Dawson, virgin school nurse from Winchestertonfieldville, Iowa.
[both laugh]
Mac: That's priceless! You, a virgin!

Share this quote on facebook Cedar: We're looking for somebody. Longfellow Deeds.
Murph: Wow! Is that Deeds' first name?
Cecil: Well, if the Deeds you're referring to is Longfellow Deeds, then yes, that is Deeds's first name.
Murph: Well, I don't know Deeds's first name. Maybe it's Greg.
Cecil: Maybe it's Longfellow.
Murph: Maybe. But I don't know. I know another guy named Greg. You want me to call him up?
Cedar: No! Thank you. Please. Just tell us where Deeds lives.

Share this quote on facebook Cedar: Excuse me. Is Mr. Deeds around?
Jan: No, I'm sorry. He's out making deliveries. The regular delivery guy called in sick. But you don't look too sick to me, Murph.
Murph: Oh! I forgot I was fakin' sick today. [to Cedar and Cecil] You two tricked me into comin' here.
Jan: Murph, put on an apron and gimme a hand.
Murph: [sets to work] You guys played me like a fiddle. Touche!
Cecil: Is Mrs. Deeds around?
Jan: Mrs. Deeds!? I don't think that poor boy ever had a date.

Share this quote on facebook Brandon Molale as Kevin Ward