Sausage Party (2016)

Share this quote on facebook [first lines; notices the shoppers enter Shopwell's] Shit. Carl! Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, dude, we slept in again! The song's about to start!

Share this quote on facebook Boo and yah, motherfuckers! Red White and Blue Day is tomorrow!

Share this quote on facebook [sees a dead Druggie] Oh, fucking, what the fuck?!

Share this quote on facebook Yeah, Banana's whole face peeled off, Peanut Butter's wife is dead, look at him, he's right there!

Share this quote on facebook Look, I'm sorry. I wasn't respectful of your believes and I acted like and I know all the answers. But, I don't. Nobody knows everything. But, what I do know is that together, we can fight these monsters and take control of our own lives!

Share this quote on facebook [first lines; to Carl] Yeah, right, Carl. You really think any of these buns are gonna line up to get filled by you? Here's my impression of that happening. "Um, oh, is he in there yet? Oh I can't feel him. I don't think he's in there. Oh, wait! He is!" It's so sad! I bet you jackrabbit for a quick 15 seconds... [blubbers wildly] and then you'd slump over. I mean, honestly guys, who in this package would ever let Carl get up in them? [a bun raises her hand] Roberta, put your fucking hand down. You're ruining my joke. [Roberta puts her hand down] See? Nobody! That's who!

Share this quote on facebook What if the gods are doing this to us, because we touched tips? "Just the tips!" What were we thinking? It wasn't even that big a deal. I mean, it was fine, it's not like anyone writes home and said, "Oh, God, I had the best tip!".

Share this quote on facebook Carl, we shouldn't even be talking to this asshole. Everyone knows Honey Mustard's weird. I mean, What is he, Honey? Is he mustard? It's like make up your mind or just kill yourself.

Share this quote on facebook Yes! Our lives and our bodies!

Share this quote on facebook First, I fell out of the cart, then I lose Frank. And now, I'm being hunted by a douche. The god must be punishing me, don't you see? This is what I get for giving in to my disgusting urges. I'm such a whore.

Share this quote on facebook [to Jamaican Rum] No thank you, man. I'm quite irie, just being left alone over here, don't you know?

Share this quote on facebook Stay away from my sausage, you SKANK!

Share this quote on facebook [first lines; to Frank] Shit, Frank! We can't miss the song!

Share this quote on facebook [to Brenda and other Hot Dog buns] Ye-ah, you know it, baby! Work those buns! All of you, all day, er-day, lined up, waiting to get filled with my meat!

Share this quote on facebook [to Honey Mustard] Hey, Honey Mustard, you acting cray cray!

Share this quote on facebook [after being insulted by Brenda] Hey dude, um, how do I say this to you gently? But your girlfriend, um... She's a fucking cunt.

Share this quote on facebook Dude, I just don't know why you're limiting yourself to one bun. There's plenty of buns out there.

Share this quote on facebook Did he see us?

Share this quote on facebook [first lines; to Frank] Oh, no, Frank! We can't miss the song!

Share this quote on facebook [to Brenda and other Hot Dog buns] Ye-ah, you know it, baby! Work those buns! All of you, all day, er-day, lined up, waiting to get filled with my meat!

Share this quote on facebook [to Honey Mustard] Hey, Honey Mustard, you acting cray cray!

Share this quote on facebook [after being insulted by Brenda] Hey dude, um, how do I say this to you gently? But your girlfriend, um... She's an idiot, bro.

Share this quote on facebook Dude, I just don't know why you're limiting yourself to one bun. There's plenty of buns out there.

Share this quote on facebook Did he see us?

Share this quote on facebook [first lines; to Frank and Carl] What? What? I'm up, I'm up!

Share this quote on facebook This is why I can't wait for the Great Beyond. We'll all be equal and jerks like Troy won't be picking on me all the time, you know, and on account of my abnormality.

Share this quote on facebook The gods can be... [clears throat] Excuse me. [shouts heroically] THE GODS CAN BE KILLED!

Share this quote on facebook [last lines; to his friends] Guys! Oh, my God. You have to come with me right now.

Share this quote on facebook Oh, wow. Really? Well, fuck all of you! I am Kareem Abdul LAVASH! And what I currently care about is that I have been... completely and utterly fucked out of being in the Great Beyond. I am to have 77 bottles of extra-virgin olive oil... waiting for me. I am destined to soak up their sweet juices... as they dribble down my flaps.

Share this quote on facebook [solemnly looks at Sammy] A ton.

Share this quote on facebook Donkey fucker!

Share this quote on facebook Looks like you got ditched, bun!

Share this quote on facebook You pushed me out of the cart! No surprise then, huh? A bagel trying to kill a Lavash, once again!

Share this quote on facebook Get away from me. Don't touch me. It was you. You cocksucking bagel fuckface!

Share this quote on facebook [to a Fat Man] You fuck with them? [Sammy Bagel Jr.: You fuck with us, bitch!]

Share this quote on facebook Bad for my asshole, I'll tell you that much. [He and Sammy both laugh] Seriously, though, your recovery time is off the charts.

Share this quote on facebook I pushed you? What are you nuts? I, why would they do that? I'm a pacifist. The only thing I've ever pushed is my peaceful agenda. Which even that I didn't push you know, I pretty much passive-aggressively nudge. I reached out of the panic. It was toots over here, the bun. She grabbed me.

Share this quote on facebook "Get my nose out of your crotch?" Get your crotch off my nose!

Share this quote on facebook [to a Fat Man] [Lavash: You fuck with them?] You fuck with us, bitch!

Share this quote on facebook I'm not a soft taco, I'm a hard horny taco.

Share this quote on facebook Go fuck yourself, El Douche.

Share this quote on facebook Sweet bun, I must admit I too something urges, impure thoughts. We all do. [Brenda: Oh. Oh, good! Okay. Well, that actually makes me feel a little better.] And we must never give in to them.

Share this quote on facebook [To Douche] Toma la pinche douche de la chingada de mierda pendejo [In English: Take the punch douche de la chingada Fucking asshole] son of a bitch!

Share this quote on facebook [staring at Brenda] Saint Chimichanga, I promise to be a good taco...

Share this quote on facebook I'm not a soft taco, I'm a hard horny taco.

Share this quote on facebook Adios, El Douche.

Share this quote on facebook Sweet bun, I must admit I too something urges, impure thoughts. We all do. [Brenda: Oh. Oh, good! Okay. Well, that actually makes me feel a little better.] And we must never give in to them.

Share this quote on facebook [staring at Brenda] Saint Chimichanga, I promise to be a good taco...

Share this quote on facebook It's all a lie. Everything you've been told, everything you believe in.

Share this quote on facebook You're celebrating your doom! Wake up! They're lying to your fucking faces! The Great Beyond is bullshit! Why is anybody listening to me?

Share this quote on facebook [after what Firewater said] Oh, my God! Did you guys just fucking hear that?

Share this quote on facebook You fucking idiots! I've been there, I've seen that shit, and there ain't no way I'm going back.

Share this quote on facebook [to Ketchup] Jesus! Get the fuck off me! Nobody touch me!

Share this quote on facebook "Great", my asshole! Everything we've ever known is a dirt-covered pile of shit, jacking off in our FUCKING faces, covering our eyes with their cum, so cum-covered we can't fucking see! We don't know! We don't know, they're jerking off into our eyes! Our faces! [Brenda: Dude, shut up! The gods are gonna hear you talking about that.] They ain't gods! THEY'RE MONSTERS! HORRIBLE, UGLY, DISGUSTING MONSTERS! They ain't gonna get Honey Mustard twice. FUCK YOU, GODS! I've got a date with oblivion.

Share this quote on facebook [last words before his death] You want proof? Talk to Firewater! That bastard bottle of booze seems to know what's going on.

Share this quote on facebook It's all a lie. Everything you've been told, everything you believe in.

Share this quote on facebook You're celebrating your doom! Wake up! They're lying to your faces! The Great Beyond is bogus! Why is anybody listening to me?

Share this quote on facebook [after what Firewater said] Oh, my God! Did you guys just hear that?

Share this quote on facebook I've been there, I've seen that shit, and there ain't no way I'm going back.

Share this quote on facebook "Great", my butthole! It's all a lie. Everything you've been told, everything you believe in. [Brenda: Dude, shut up! The gods are gonna hear you talking about that.] They ain't gods! THEY'RE MONSTERS! HORRIBLE, UGLY, DISGUSTING MONSTERS! They ain't gonna get Honey Mustard twice. SCREW YOU, GODS! I've got a date with oblivion.

Share this quote on facebook [last words before his death] You want proof? Talk to Firewater! That bastard bottle of booze seems to know what's going on.

Share this quote on facebook Yo! Oh, fuck yeah, dude! Somebody call a doctor, 'cause honestly, this beat is sick. [Beet: Actually, I feel great, real healthy.] Not you, the beat! The song, bro!

Share this quote on facebook [repeated line] BROOO!

Share this quote on facebook [After a bottle of popped cherry mixer asks him who he is] What do you mean "what am I", dude? I'm a fucking douche!

Share this quote on facebook Oh, my god! My noz! MY MOTHERFUCKING NOZ!

Share this quote on facebook Yo, did you two do this to me?! Are you two responsible for my nozzle being irrepressibly fucked up?!

Share this quote on facebook You think I give a fuck about PB (Peanut Butter) or J (Jelly)? Fuck this! Imma kick your ass! How you like them apples?! [Apple: Who, us?] No, not you! Come at me, bros!

Share this quote on facebook Fine. You won't come at me? Well then, guess who's coming to you? ME!

Share this quote on facebook [To his own reflection] No disrespect, but you look fucking gross, bro. Look at you! Fucking bent-ass, busted-ass noz! Oh! Oh, great! You're leaking all your juice out! Can I ask you a question, me? Why would a god let you up in her smooth, perfect sliz, when you can't even squirt? You got nothing to squirt!

Share this quote on facebook [Before he sucks a juice box's crotch] If you fucking tell anyone about this, I'm gonna deny it, bro!

Share this quote on facebook I got a new purpose now! REVENGE! Where's that fucking sausage?! 'Cause this Douche is DTFSU: DOWN TO FUCK A SAUSAGE UUUUUUP!!!

Share this quote on facebook I'm gonna get you, my pretty! I'm gonna get you and your little sausage, too!

Share this quote on facebook [After drinking several alcohol products] I'm fucking jacked up now, bro! [laughs evilly] WHERE'S THAT FUCKING SAUSAGE?!

Share this quote on facebook Yo! Oh, hell yeah, dude! Somebody call a doctor, 'cause honestly, this beat is sick. [Beet: Actually, I feel great, real healthy.] Not you, the beat! The song, bro!

Share this quote on facebook [repeated line] BROOO!

Share this quote on facebook [After a bottle of popped cherry mixer asks him who he is] What do you mean "what am I", dude? I'm a freaking douche!

Share this quote on facebook Oh, my god! My noz! MY POOR FREAKING NOZ!

Share this quote on facebook Yo, did you two do this to me? Are you two responsible for my nozzle being irrepressibly messed up?

Share this quote on facebook You think I give a crap about PB (Peanut Butter) or J (Jelly)? Forget this! Imma kick your ass! How you like them apples? [Apple: Who, us?] No, not you! Come at me, bros!

Share this quote on facebook Fine. You won't come at me? Well then, guess who's coming to you? ME!

Share this quote on facebook [To his own reflection] No disrespect, but you look disgusting, bro. Look at you! Freaking bent-ass, busted-ass noz! Oh! Oh, great! You're leaking all your juice out! Can I ask you a question, me? Why would a god let you up in her smooth, perfect sliz, when you can't even squirt? You got nothing to squirt!

Share this quote on facebook [Before he sucks a juice box's crotch] If you tell anyone about this, I'm gonna deny it, bro!

Share this quote on facebook I got a new purpose now. REVENGE! Where's that freaking sausage?! 'Cause this Douche is DTSSU: DOWN TO SMACK A SAUSAGE UUUUUUP!!!

Share this quote on facebook I'm gonna get you, my pretty! I'm gonna get you and your little sausage, too!

Share this quote on facebook [After drinking several alcohol products] I'm jacked up now, bro! [laughs evilly] WHERE'S THAT SAUSAGE?!

Share this quote on facebook So, you have learned the terrible truth. Congratulations! Now keep it yourself, or I will slit your throat while you sleep. I swear to God.

Share this quote on facebook [repeated line] Perhaps I could be of some assistance.

Share this quote on facebook The effects of the opiate have dissipated. Your speech and movements are imperceptible to him. We are totally fucked.

Share this quote on facebook The effects of the opiate have dissipated. Your speech and movements are imperceptible to him. We are totally screwed.

Share this quote on facebook Eh, fuck you, weenies! [tosses a pack of screaming sausages into his trash can, sighs] Fuck, I hate this FUCKING JOB!

Share this quote on facebook Clean up on Aisle 2. This MILF dropped a douche.

Share this quote on facebook Bye-bye, sausages! [tosses a pack of screaming sausages into his trash can, sighs] Man, I hate this JOB!

Share this quote on facebook Peanut Butter: (screams) I'm going to fix you. I'm going to fix this.

Share this quote on facebook Ketchup: (to Honey Mustard) What? What are you looking at?

Share this quote on facebook Ralph: (to Brenda) What's up? I'm Ralph. Looks like this is happening, huh? Yeah, I've been working on my moves. Ever heard of the jackrabbit?

Share this quote on facebook Gumball: Come on, guys! It's us or them!

Share this quote on facebook Frank: Hey, Brenda. What up, girl? [chuckles] Sorry about those guys. Such fucking dicks, right?
Carl: [off screen] Uh, I can hear you, dude.
Frank: [turns to Carl] Shut up, fuck you. [turns back to Brenda] So looks like tomorrow's the big day, huh? [chuckles] You and me, finally gonna be official.
Brenda: I'm so happy, the Gods put our packages together.
Frank: It's because, we belong together.
Frank: It's like, we were made for each other.
Frank: I can't wait just finally get up in there, just raw-dog it. But full disclosure, I'm pretty fucking nervous about this. I don't know how well, I'm gonna perform once it happens. I've obviously never been in a bun, so. [chuckling]
Brenda: Hey, I'm not gonna be any better. I've never opened up. I mean, look how tight I am.
Frank: Oh, sweet fucking fuck. Look, okay. I know it's against the rules. But, I can't wait anymore. I need to just feel you.
Brenda: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Frank/Brenda: Just the tips?
Brenda: I can't believe we're doing this.
Frank: I know. We're so naughty.
[Frank and Brenda are about to touch the tips but then stop]
Brenda: But it's fine, right? I mean, nothing bad's ever happened from just the tips.
Frank: No. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.
[Frank and Brenda then touch the tips]
Frank & Brenda: Ah.
Frank: Ooh. Oh yeah go in there.
Brenda: Ooh. Big tip.
Frank: Oh, you wouldn't dare.

Share this quote on facebook [Frank enters Firewater's cave and finds Firewater himself chanting Hi ya. How are ya? at a fire. Firewater stops when he sees Frank.]
Firewater: Hi ya. How are ya?
Frank: Hi ya. How are ya? Uh, I'm Frank. Are you... Firewater?
Firewater: Mmm-hmm.
Frank: What are you doing in this cave?
Firewater: I am the original inhabitant of this land. My kind once had a pristine aisle, majestic and untouched. Then we were driven out of it... by a bunch of goddamn fucking crackers!
Frank: Oh, yeah. The crackers. They do have a nice aisle. Okay, anyway, look, I was told that you might have some answers.
Firewater: Answers I have, but first... [throws salt into the fire, conjuring an image of a question mark] I must know the question.
Frank: Okay, well, before I saw him jump to his death, Honey Mustard said that the Great Beyond is bullshit and the gods are monsters, and I always kinda thought that it didn't quite add up. So, I guess my question is what really happens in the Great Beyond?
Firewater: [after smoking a hit in a kazoo] To find that which you seek, all you must do is look deep... into my Bag of Wonderment. [pulls out a large sack]
Frank: Whoa.... [looks into the bag] I don't see anything.
Firewater: Deeper, deeper, deeper... [Frank leans closer into the bag] Put your whole head in the bag there. There you go.
Frank: Just say when, I'm just gonna keep going in.
[Suddenly Frank falls into the bag and everything is pitch black except for his eyes]
Firewater: Guys, get out here! Help me kill this prick!
Mr. Grits: Damn, this motherfucker knows too much! We gotta off his ass!
Firewater: Someone hand me a blade! I'll gut this cocksucker!
Twink: No! If we kill him, we are no better than the gods!
Firewater: Oh, he's right. Take off the Bag of Wonderment.
[Frank is released from the bag]
Frank: Who are you?
Mr. Grits: We the Nooooon perishables, motherfucker.
Twink: We never expire.
Firewater: We are.... immortal. This here's Twink. And Grits.
Mr. Grits: They call me Mr. Grits.
Firewater: Yeah, Mr. Grits. Whatever.
Mr. Grits: Tell him about the crackers?
Firewater: Yeah, I told him about the crackers. [to Frank] You don't even wanna hear what they did to Mr. Grits over here. [shudders]
Mr. Grits: Fucking crackers... I'm gonna fuck them crackers! Right in the crack of their cracker asses! Cracker ass crackers!
Frank: Why were you gonna kill me? I mean, all I did was happens in the Great Beyond! Geez! What's the big whoop?
[the Nonperishables huddle up]
Mr. Grits: We can't tell this sausage-ass motherfucker the truth! We just met his ass!
Twink: He basically knows it already. Maybe it's... it's time to end this.
Firewater: I am tired of all the lies. Prepare yourself, for you're about to learn... the terrible truth. Does anybody wanna hit before we get into this? Twink?
Twink: Nah, I'm cool.
Mr. Grits: Shit, if we smokin', I'll hit it.
Firewater: That's what I thought.
Mr. Grits: Pass the weed, motherfucker. [takes a hit of Sativa] Goddamn. [coughs two times] Whoo, whoo! This indica?
Firewater: Nah, man. Sativa! Good shit, clean high.
Frank: [Mr. Grits hands him the kazoo] Oh, no thanks.
Firewater: Trust me. What's you're about to hear, you'll want some.
[Frank gulps and takes a big hit of Sativa and coughs nonstop]

Share this quote on facebook [Teresa Del Taco has Brenda, Lavash, and Sammy hide in the Mexican Bar's tight closet with her]
Tequila: [walking inside] Alright, I got'em right here amigo. I- SHIT!!! [Finds that Lavash, Sammy and Brenda have disappeared.]
Lavash: [squeezed in the closet with Sammy Bagel Jr.] Get your nose out of my crotch!
Sammy Bagel Jr.: "Get my nose out of your crotch?" Get your crotch off my nose!
Brenda: Hey, why are we hiding?
Teresa: Shh! [speaks Spanish] He's coming.
Brenda: Who?
Teresa: The one they call... El Dou-che.
[Douche enters the bar; all the Mexican food products are frightened]
Mexican Food Product 1: [whispering] El Douche.
Mexican Food Product 2: [whispering] El Douche!
Mexican Food Product 3: [whispering] El Douche!
Douche: What gives, bro? You told me you had them. So you dragged me over to this fucking aisle with these illegal products, and now I don't see them. So where the fuck are they? Spill the beans!
Refried Beans: Que?
Douche: Beans, I swear to fucking God if you don't shut the fuck up!
Brenda: [looking out from the closet] Oh no! He's back! Where's Frank?
Tequila: They were just here!
Douche: What part of "I want the sausage and the bun dead, and if you see them, come and get me, and if I find out that you didn't come and get me or just couldn't find them good enough, I'll fucking kill your asses" did you not understand, Tequila?
Tequila: [last words before his death] Well, it's a pretty confusing sentence to be honest with you, you know. I mean, this is... uh, this happens, you know...
Douche: [calms down] Ah, bro, c'mere, ah, it's fine, it's cool. No biggie! I'm not gonna do something so fucked up to you now as soon as I get you in close. Come here. [grabs Tequila and shatters him]
Salsa: No way! Jose!
Douche: YES WAY! Jose's FUCKING dead, yo! [drinks Tequila's fluids, causing him to turn green and grow stronger muscles]
Teresa Del Taco: [Watching Douche drink Tequila's fluids] (Swearing in Spanish)
[Douche throws Tequila's cap into El Guaco's crotch]
El Guaco: Ay, right in my guac and balls!
Douche: And the same thing's gonna happen to all of you unless you find the SAUSAGE!!! And the bun!

Share this quote on facebook [in the Nonperishables' cave, Frank is still coughing after taking a big hit of Sativa]
Firewater: It's good shit, isn't it?
Frank: [coughs] Okay, okay, I'm super baked, and my friends are probably wondering where the hell I am. Will somebody please just tell me something already?
Firewater: [Takes a hit of Sativa from the Kazoo] Okay. The thing about the Great Beyond is... [Blows] We invented it!
Frank: What?!
Firewater: I know, right? As soon as you're out those doors, the gods kill ours.
Frank: What are you, crazy? That doesn't make any sense! Why would the gods wanna kill us? It makes no sense.
Firewater: Uh, because it makes them stronger. Every kill gives 'em power and it's never enough. Over the years, they've grown bigger, stronger, fatter. And hunger's insatiable, buddy! I mean, fuck!
Frank: You guys are fucking nuts! How much of that shit have you been smoking? Too fucking much, is how much.
Firewater: We blaze for real, 24/7, no joke, but we also know our shit. Before us, everyone knew the awful truth. Oh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare. So we, the Nonperishables, created a story: the story of the Great Beyond, a place where the gods care for you and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true. They would go out those doors happy, instead of shitting themselves.
Frank: Wait, wait. So you're telling me you wrote the song.
Firewater: I can't take full credit. I wrote the music. Twink here is my lyricist. We both drop it right and drop it all the time. Boom! The melody came to me one night, when I was getting super, super, super baked, like fuck-a-guy baked. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook, it caught on, you know. In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little... fucky. The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views. Fucking with Twink's tight-ass lyrics, remixing my shit without my permish. Now, every morning, when I hear the song, I'm like, "What the fuck are you guys saying? I mean, wasn't there a part today about exterminating juice? I didn't write that shit! I love juice! Always have! Juice are hilarious! Who the fuck do these guys think they are?!" Anyway, at least it's distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured.
Frank: So that means Carl & Barry are dead?
Firewater: I don't know who those dudes are, but if they went out those doors.....
Grits: [Smoking Sativa from the pipe] Dead [coughs] as a motherfucker. [coughs twice]
Frank: Oh God. If what you're saying is true, I-I gotta tell everybody.
Firewater: Very noble, little sausage. But also very pointless. No one will believe you.
Frank: I have to try. Everyone will die otherwise.
Firewater: Huh yeah, that's a good point. Fuck me right?
Frank: Wait! You guys have any proof of this?
[Firewater and Grits turn to Twink who walks up to Frank]
Twink: Go to the dark aisle, beyond the ice.
Frank: Why? What's in that aisle?
Twink: Oh you'll see. But I warn you: Once you see that shit, it'll fuck you up for life. Good luck! Have fun! [Kisses Frank on the lips and runs off laughing]
[Frank then leaves]
Firewater: Hey, Grits, pack another bowl will ya? I'm a-hankering for a hunk of herb.

Share this quote on facebook [At Camille Toh's house, Camille enters her kitchen with bags of Groceries, humming. She places the bags on her kitchen counter and looks down at her Camel Toe]
Camille Toh: [unhinges her Camel Toe] Shit, oh, I really needed that Douche.
Carl: Holy Shit, we're actually here! C'mon, Barry, you're missing it man. Dude, get in on this shit.
Barry: God, what have I done? Frank needed my help, but I wasn't there for him. After all the times he stood up for me, you know. God, I'm such a fearful coward. He'll never forgive me. I'll never forgive me.
Carl: Look, Barry, the only way to respectfully honor Frank... is to completely forget about him.
Barry: Oh!
Carl: And hey for all we know, he's okay! He's probably heading back to our Aisle and he'll be here tomorrow. Just act happy, ignore your feelings. Come on, let's see that smile. [Barry begins to smile] Ah. I see that lip curling up. [Barry bares his teeth with a smile] Oh, there you go! Whoo!
Barry: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. We're in the Great Be-friggin-yond. [whooping]
[Camille Toh grabs the Sausage package]
Troy: Get ready, boys! We's about to fill what we need to fills.
[Camille Toh opens the package as Carl sighs loudly and dumps the sausages on the kitchen counter]
Troy: Feel that breeze.
Barry: Carl, do you feel that?
Carl: This feels amazing.
Sausage: Ow!
[Camille Toh then opens a bag of Tortilla Chips and pours them in a bowl]
Tortilla Chip: Whoo-hoo!
[Camille removes the plastic off a block of Cheddar Cheese]
Cheddar Cheese: Oh yeah. [rubs his cheeks]
Barry: We're out of the package.
Carl: It's beautiful, man. It's just beautiful! [gaze upon the kitchen] I'm crying! I'm crying 'cause it's so pretty here!
Barry: Stretch your legs with me, Carl. Just do it man.
[Camille Toh picks up an Irish Potato]
Irish Potato: Oh, ho, ho, yes. Yes! I'm the first to enter eternity!
Carl: Oh! Potato, way to go buddy! That's my guy!
[The groceries watch as Irish Potato gets washed by Camille]
Irish Potato: Being bathed by the hands of a God.
[Baby Carrots and the other foods cheer for Irish Potato]
Irish Potato: Oh Danny Boy, The pipes, the pipes are call... [Camille Toh slices his stomach off with a vegetable peeler] OH JESUS FUCK! [The groceries gasp] OH GOD, ME SKIN! SHE'S PEELING ME FUCKING SKIN!
Carl: What...the...FUCK?!
Irish Potato: [last words before his death] JESUS, YOU FUCKING WHORE! [Camille Toh opens the lid from a pot and a cloud of steam escapes] ME EYES! THEY BURN! [Camille Toh throws Irish Potato into the water and his cries are reduced to gurgling]
Italian Tomato: [last words before his death] NO, PLEASE-A NO, I'VE-A GOT A FAMIGLIA! [Camille Toh slams the knife down on the Italian Tomato, slicing him in half]
Groceries: [Screaming]
[Camille then tosses four bacon strips to a pan full of boiling oil to fry them (with one's eye that violently popped), a lettuce has his eyes gouged by Camille's thumbs as he gets torn apart, a loaf of bread is being slice apart and the block of cheddar cheese is having his head grated]
Cheddar Cheese: [last words before his death] NOOO! DON'T!
[Below the cheddar cheese are a bunch of Tortilla Chips screaming as shredded cheese falls on them]
Carl: CHEESE! YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT!
[Camille Toh places the bowl with the Tortilla Chips into a microwave, closes the door and they are microwaved alive with heated grated cheese as it burns through their cooked corpses. A wine bottle grunts in pain as his wooden cap gets pulled off by Camille and Wine splatters on Troy and two sausages behind her.]
Troy: Oh no!
Buns: [screaming]
Carl: No!
[Carl & Barry watch in horror as Camille Toh dumps a bunch of screaming Baby Carrots into a bowl but two miss]
Baby Carrot: FOR THE LOVE OF SHIT, RUN!
[They begin to run]
Camille Toh: [humming, then turns around and notices the Baby Carrots about to fall off the counter] Whoops!
[The Baby Carrots jump off the counter, but Camille Toh catches them]
Baby Carrot: [last words before her death] I WANT MY MOMMY!
[Camille Toh puts the Baby Carrots in her mouth and starts chewing them alive.]
Carl: THEY'RE EATING CHILDREN!!! FUCKING CHILDREN!!!!! [Sees an open window near the sink] WE GOTTA RUN!
Barry: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! [drops to the floor and curls into a ball, clutching himself] WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
[Carl returns to him and picks him up]
Carl: BARRY! [slaps him in the face] Snap the fuck out of it and RUN!
[Carl pulls Barry with him and they make a dash towards the open window. They come to a stop when they reach the edge]
Carl: Okay little buddy, jump on the count of three! [Barry nods] One! Two! Thre... Ugh...
Barry: Carl?
Carl: [Groaning] BARRY! BA-RRY!
Barry: Carl to Bar what, what are you saying Carl? [A knife pokes through Carl's stomach] Whoa! Oh God, no! CARL!
Carl: [Groans]
Barry: Oh God, Carl! [The knife slices all the way up Carl] CAAAAAARL!
Carl: [last words before his death] BAAAARRYYYYYY!
[Carl's body splits in two and falls back into the sink]
Barry: Carl, dear sweet Carl! What have they done to you, Carl? No! [Barry looks up] WHOA! [He sees that Camille Toh is moving her knife towards him] No! No! No! [Backs away from the knife and falls off the window edge] NOOOOO! AAAAAHHHH!!!

Share this quote on facebook Douche: That's no way to treat a lady.
Brenda: Oh, fuck!
Douche: That's right, girl. It's me. And what we got here, a taco?! A whiny doughnut?! [referring to Lavash] Some stupid floppy thing that nobody knows exactly what it is! Okay, so... [A queso cheese comes up behind him]
Queso: Did someone say "Queso"?
Douche: FUCKING STRETCH AND YOU KNOW IT, QUESO!!!!! [Queso rolls away]

Share this quote on facebook [the Druggie has injected bath salts into his bloodstream, making him able to see the food walk and talk]
Druggie: [seeing Barry walk] What the fuck?
Barry: Uh... hello?
[they both scream at each other in fright]
Barry: Please don't kill me, please just, just wait!
Druggie: What are you? [pokes Barry] Are you some kind of... magical sausage?
Barry: Uh, yeah, uh, no, oh, no, I'm just Barry, I'm just Barry! Wait! Wait, you can actually understand me? And I can actually understand you?
Druggie: Whoa, the bath salts are showing me the real world. It's fucking lifted the veil of non-reality!
Krinkler's Chips: Holy shit! He can actually see us?!
Druggie: Bath salts are just as bad as they said it would be! Oh! I'm tweaked! I'M TWEAKING, AAH!
Barry: Whoa, whoa, dude, dude, dude, just take it easy, just breathe, dude, just breathe. You're not tweaking, you're just peaking, man, just be with me. Be cool. This wave's gotta crash.
Druggie: I CAN'T! You're all alive and looking at me with your... With your gloves and your, your, your little shoes and your arms and your legs!
Pizza: Legs! Huh?! Look at me! Look at me! I ain't got no legs, you FUCK! You ate my goddamn legs!
Druggie: OH, NO, NOT MR. PIZZA, OH, FUCK, I'VE EATEN SO MANY OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS! I'VE COMMITTED PIZZA GENOCIDE! MR. SAUSAGE, WHEN WILL IT END?!
Beer Can: When will it end?! When he stops drinking us!
Krinkler's Chips and Ticklish Licorice: Yeah!
Cookies: And stops eating US!
Sandwich: SAME HERE!
Pop Tart: Fuck yeah!
Toilet Paper: And when he stops using us!
Krinkler's Chips: What did he do to you?
Toilet Paper: [nervously backs away] You don't wanna fucking know.
Druggie: Okay! Okay. Look, I promise. I'll never eat food again, I'll just... so I'll just eat dirt! Wipe my ass with sticks!
Barry: Good. And there's one more thing you're gonna do. Take.... me.... home. [points to the Shopwell's bag]
Druggie: You got it. I just need to rest my eyes for a... [falls asleep]

Share this quote on facebook [Barry, Krinkler's Chips, and Toilet Paper tried to figure out how to get back to Shopwell's]
Barry: Shit.
Krinkler's Chips: How the fuck does this thing work?
Barry: I wish this god would wake up already. How am I supposed to get back to Frank?
Gum: Perhaps I could be of some assistance.
Barry: What? Who the hell is that?
Toilet Paper: Oh, only the most intelligent being alive.
Gum: I am Sorbitol, Malitol, Xylitol, Mannitol, Calcium Carbonate, Soy Lecithin, Vegetable-Derived Glycerin and Talc. But for expediency's sake, you can call me... Gum. For 20 years, I was stuck underneath the desk of a brilliant scientist. I was scraped off and discarded, and eventually found myself stuck to a shoe that dropped me here. Your home is a supermarket. This is but one of many as your particular chain of supermarkets is ever-expanding unified by a singular purpose to store food and products for human consumption. The supermarket in the closest physical vicinity to us is here. If the human operates his automotive, the journey should take 9.8 minutes.

Share this quote on facebook [Frank climbs up to one of the shopkeeper counters, holding a page out of the cookbook. He activates the cameras, broadcasting himself to the rest of the store]
Frank: Um, friends, ramen, [Ramen look at each other and shrug] Country Club Lemonade.
Country Club Lemonade Can: Huh?
Frank: Lend me your ears...o-of corn.
Corn: [sighs]
Frank: I'm Frank, and, a-and I'm a sausage. A little sausage with some pretty big news. Everything we've been led to believe is a lie! When we're chosen by the gods, they're choosing us for death! Murder! Automatic expiration! The Great Beyond is bullshit.
Curry Paste: WHAT!?
Chunk Munchers Cereal: That's crazy talk!
Lettuce: YOU LIAR!
Frank: I know you don't wanna believe it, BUT I HAVE PROOF! [shows the page from the cookbook, depicting a graphic image of a hot dog being eaten]
Licorice Rope: What is this!?
Relish: It's... IT'S MURDER!
Sammy Bagel Jr.: Th-this, this makes no sense!
Lavash: W-what, what about the extra virgin olive oil?! My flaps will be dry for an eternity! I can't have dry flaps! I CAN'T! [ululates, the other items on the Halal shelf join in. On the Kosher shelf, the food items have turned and are presumed praying, as if they were at the Western Wall]
Frank: Okay, whoa, whoa, easy, guys, easy, look, I have a plan! We can run!
Ice Cream: I can't run! I'll melt!
Frank: Okay, uh-uh, then, then, uhhhhhh, we'll hide!
Bag of Dog Food: WHERE?! I'M HUGE!
Frank: Then we'll fight!
Peanut: I ain't fightin' alongside a bunch of fruits!
Watermelon: Whatever, you nutjob.
Curry Paste: So, we cannot run, we cannot hide, and we cannot stand up to them because they're fucking gods, and they're immortal! So basically, there's no hope, and we're royally FUCKED!
Chunk Munchers Cereal: Hey, guys! You wanna believe that? [referring to cookbook page] Or this? [A Honey Drippers cereal box around turns around, revealing two kids holding up a happy box of the cereal]
Watermelon: I don't like bad things.
Apple: Me either!
Curry Paste: We choose the more pleasant thing!
Ice Cream: Yeah, I mean, what this sausage is saying, it's just, uh...a theory!
Frank: NO, NO, NO, IT'S NOT A THEORY, YOU MORONS, IT'S A FACT! I'M SHOWING YOU PHYSICAL EVIDENCE! OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES, DON'T BE SO WEAK!
Brenda: Oh, Frank, what are you doing?
Refried Beans: You, señor have no bedside manner!
Frank: WHAT, I HAVE BEDSIDE MANNER!
Frozen Fruitz: You don't respect anyone else's beliefs!
Sauerkraut: YOU INTOLERANT PIECE OF SHIT!
[the clock changes to 7:00 am behind Frank. The lights automatically switch on. Darren walks behind Frank]
Frank: No, it's starting! No.

Share this quote on facebook Darren: Wait, snap out of it, man! Slap it, slap yourself in the face, man! Oh, man, you lost your mind, is this even, no way, this isn't real now this can't be real.
Douche: Oh, it's real, bro.
[Darren turns around and points to Douche with a gun]
Darren: [gasps in horror] A talking douche!
Douche: It's cool, bro. Chill, okay?
Darren: No, no, no, this is too much! This is too much. It's too much, breathe, man!
Douche: We both want the same thing. Like, I'm feeling honestly the two of us could like collaborate together like a mashup, bro.
Darren: A mashup? I-I don't understand. What's happening?
Douche: You don't need to understand. [Douche unzips Darren's zipper and goes inside his pants.] You just need to relax and open wide.
Darren: Wait, what are you, what are you doing?!
[Douche sticks his nozzle up Darren's anus, causing him to groan]
Douche: Oh, yeah!
Darren: DUDE, THAT WENT UP MY ASS!
Douche: [laughs] NOW STAND UP!

Share this quote on facebook Get Your Fill!

Share this quote on facebook Your Food is Revolting

Share this quote on facebook They've created a movie that they don't want children to see

Share this quote on facebook Not your usual kids movie

Share this quote on facebook Watch what you eat.

Share this quote on facebook A hero will rise. (Frank tagline)

Share this quote on facebook He's a real douche (Douche tagline)

Share this quote on facebook Always use condiments (Honey Mustard tagline)

Share this quote on facebook She's got buns, son (Brenda tagline)

Share this quote on facebook Mazel Tov! (Barry tagline)

Share this quote on facebook Check out his "O" face (Sammy Bagel Jr. tagline)

Share this quote on facebook Wrap that ass (Kareem Abdul Lavash)

Share this quote on facebook She's down with beef or fish (Teresa Del Taco tagline)

Share this quote on facebook Baked and fried (Druggie tagline)

Share this quote on facebook Jerkin' and clerkin' (Darren tagline)

Share this quote on facebook Macerated and educated (Gum tagline)

Share this quote on facebook His cork is huge (Firewater tagline)

Share this quote on facebook Check out his package (Mr. Grits tagline)

Share this quote on facebook Bun Worshiper (Carl tagline)