The 10th Kingdom (2000)

Share this quote on facebook No, no! "Rare" implies dangerously cooked. When I say rare I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me.

Share this quote on facebook Butter would not melt in my mouth. Well, it would melt. Of course it would melt, but very slowly.

Share this quote on facebook A shepherdess makes quite a mess, but little lambs are lovely.

Share this quote on facebook I've always wanted to say this. Love of my life, let down your lustrous locks.

Share this quote on facebook You are as safe as a brick-built pig house.

Share this quote on facebook We either live happily ever after or we get killed by horrible curses.

Share this quote on facebook Don't worry, I'm not who I used to be. I've had extensive therapy. I realize I have been using food as a substitute for love and I have the books to prove it: "Breaking the Cycle", "Heal Yourself in 7 Days", "Stop Blaming Yourself, Please", and "Help for the Bed-Wetting Child", which I picked up by mistake. But I've got them all!

Share this quote on facebook "What do you see?"

Share this quote on facebook My name is Virginia...and I live on the edge of the forest.

Share this quote on facebook I'm gonna die of long hair!

Share this quote on facebook Well, at least things can't get any worse.

Share this quote on facebook [talking about her mother] Well, I knew she'd come back because she had left all her clothes, you know. She loved her clothes more than anything in the world. And I kept going into her room and checking on them. And then after a few months you suddenly said that we had to get rid of them all, [beginning to cry] so, I remember folding them all very neatly, and I kept hoping that there was going to be, you know, a secret note or something that would be written for me, you know, just to me, telling me that she loved me, and explaining the secret magical reason why she had to go, you know? I mean, I still have this uncontrollable urge to just go up to people and say "My mother left me when I was seven!" You know, as if that would explain everything. [sobbing] And I miss her... And I hate her! And...and I miss her... And I feel like I was on a train and it crashed or something and no one came and rescued me. I always wanted my life to be a fairy story, you know, and now it is!

Share this quote on facebook I hope you like dogs, Wendell. You're going to spend the rest of your life as one.

Share this quote on facebook There are no 'masters' here! Only one mistress! Don't forget that, doggy.

Share this quote on facebook [When a farmer's daughter reveals that the fake Wendell has told her family everything] Oh, dear. That really was the wrong answer.

Share this quote on facebook I admire your foresight. And had you arrived two hours earlier you would have found me... poisoning the apples! [Relish and his men collapse as the poison takes effect] Poison is something of a science with me, and I seem to have timed it just right. You know what they say, Relish? An army marches on its stomach.

Share this quote on facebook [after a mass poisoning] Anyone for seconds? [pauses to look around] No?

Share this quote on facebook What is it with you people? What kind of twisted upbringing did you have? You know, why can't you just say, 'Oh, that'll be 100 gold coins'? Why does it always have to be, 'No! Not unless you lay a magic egg, or count the hairs on that giant's ass!'?

Share this quote on facebook [Meeting the village idiot] Do we have magnets in our pockets? How do we attract people like this?

Share this quote on facebook Well, it's "slice the fruitcake" time again.

Share this quote on facebook All right, Mr. I-don't-have-to-look-but-I-can-chop-wood, your name is Rumpelstiltskin.

Share this quote on facebook I know your destiny. You'll ask a question, and die before it is answered.

Share this quote on facebook This is a magic crossbow. When fired, it will not stop until it hits the heart of a living being. It cannot miss.

Share this quote on facebook What is destined to happen, will happen, no matter what we do!

Share this quote on facebook What a pathetic display. How DARE you, call yourselves my children!

Share this quote on facebook I'm taking my half of the kingdom right now. Wanna make something of it?

Share this quote on facebook [to his children, who have allowed Virginia to escape with his magic shoes] Idiot! Fools! I can't leave you alone for a minute! Your mothers would be ashamed of you!

Share this quote on facebook Suck an Elf!

Share this quote on facebook Nicey Nice!

Share this quote on facebook Burly: This could be a long torture session.
Virginia: I'll tell you anything you wanna know.
Burly: Torture first, then you talk. It's better that way. Rush a torture, ruin a torture.

Share this quote on facebook Blue Bell: I think we might be in her pocket.
Burly: What?
Blue Bell: I think she might have shrunk us, and put us in a matchbox in her pocket.
Burly: That's ridiculous. You're falling to pieces. Get a grip on yourself. How can we be in a matchbox, you idiot? Where are all the matches?
[In an elevator]

Share this quote on facebook Virginia: Our mirror's smashed, what can we do? Where the hell are the other two?
Gustav the Magic Mirror: Mirror one shattered be, by an oaf called Anthony. Mirror two is on a bed with barnacles upon its head.
Anthony: A bed... with barnacles.
Virginia: The sea bed!
Dwarf Librarian: Yes. One fell into the Great Northern Sea. I think you can safely discount that one.
Gustav the Magic Mirror: What you seek has not been seen, since it was stolen by the Queen.
Anthony: The Queen! That's all we need.
Prince Wendell: Anthony, uh, any chance of a little biscuit?
Anthony: No, no, no, umm... Very helpful you have been, just tell us where we can find the Queen.
Gustav the Magic Mirror: Near she is, but not alone. in a place that's not her home. In a castle, out of sight,where once the Queen was called Snow White.
Anthony: That's Prince Wendell's castle.

Share this quote on facebook Frog: One door leads to safety. One door leads to a horrible death. [Croaks] Ribbit. You may ask me one question. Ribbit. But I always lie.
Wolf: Oh, I learned this in school but I could NEVER remember it!
Virginia: If we ask him which one's the safe door...
Wolf: Well then he'll lie, and say it's the other one. Or is it the other way around?
Virginia: I don't know!
Tony: All right, all right. Wait, wait! I have a question! What is the point in having a door that has a horrible death behind it? Huh? [picks up frog]
Frog: What are you doing?!
Tony: What does that achieve?!
[Tony starts walking towards the doors, holding the frog]
Frog: Get your hands off me!
Tony: I mean, what is the purpose of your life? Just to be a pain?!
Frog: Don't touch me there, only my girlfriend touches me there!
[Tony throws the frog through one of the doors]
Frog: WHOA!
[Tony slams the door; it shakes violently as a large explosion occurs behind it]
Wolf: I guess it's the other one.

Share this quote on facebook Prince Wendell: And now, for the greatest bravery imaginable. For courage in the face of relentless and terrible danger, I award my dear friends the highest medals in my Kingdom. Firstly, my temporary manservant, Antony. My people, look upon my friend. No longer is he spineless and wallowing in self pity.
Tony: Thanks.
Prince Wendell: No longer is he a balding useless coward who would rather run than fight.
Tony: I think they got the message.
Prince Wendell: No longer is he selfishly driven by envy and greed.
Tony: Wendell, the medal.
Prince Wendell: No. He is heroically transformed. What braver man could exist, than Antony the Valiant?

Share this quote on facebook ["Saturday Night Fever" plays on a boom box]
Blue Bell: They are called 'The Brothers Gibb.'
Blabberwort: And the song: it concerns a deadly fever that only strikes on Saturdays.

Share this quote on facebook Tony: [Wolf offers to test Wendell's "prince sensing skills" before tossing a stick at his gold-imprisoned dog form] That's not funny!
Wolf: It can get funnier if we keep on doing it.