The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

Share this quote on facebook Hell of a damn grave. Wish it were mine.

Share this quote on facebook I'm not talking about dance lessons. I'm talking about putting a brick through the other guy's windshield. I'm talking about taking it out and chopping it up.

Share this quote on facebook You heard me, Coltrane.

Share this quote on facebook That's the last time you put a knife in me!

Share this quote on facebook He looks pretty good for a suicide. Attempted, anyway.

Share this quote on facebook Look at that old grizzly bear.

Share this quote on facebook Let's Shag Ass.

Share this quote on facebook Why would a review make the point of saying someone's not a genius? You think I'm especially not a genius?
[Pause]
You didn't even have to think about it, did you?

Share this quote on facebook Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't?

Share this quote on facebook Wildcat was written in a kind of obsolete vernacular. Wildcat...pkow. Okay, I'm gonna go.

Share this quote on facebook The crickets and the rust-beetles scuttled among the nettles of the sage thicket. "Vámonos, amigos," he whispered, and threw the busted leather flintcraw over the loose weave of the saddlecock. And they rode on in the friscalating dusklight.

Share this quote on facebook Richie: Read it back to me so far, Pietro.
Pietro: Dear Eli, I'm in the middle of the ocean. I haven't left my room in four days. I've never been more lonely in my life, and I think I'm in love with Margot.
Richie: New paragraph.

Share this quote on facebook [Chas Tenenbaum and his sons enter his mother's house with several bags]
Etheline: Chas? What's going on?
Chas: We got locked out of our apartment.
Etheline: Well, did you call a locksmith?
Chas: Uh-huh.
Etheline: Well, I don't understand. Did you pack your bags BEFORE you got locked out?
Chas: It's not safe there.
Etheline: What are you talking about?
Chas: The apartment. I have to get some new sprinklers and a back-up security system installed.
Etheline: But there are no sprinklers here either.
Chas: We might have to do something about that too.

Share this quote on facebook Eli Cash: I'm not in love with you any more.
Margot: I didn't think you ever were.
Eli Cash: Let's not make this harder than it already is.
Margot: OK.
Eli Cash: OK what?
Margot: OK, I'm not in love with you any more either.
Eli Cash: I know. You're in love with Richie, which is sick and gross.
Margot: Do you send my mother your clippings? And your grades in ---
Eli Cash: Please stop belittling me. You never gave me the time of day until I started getting good reviews.
Margot: The reviews aren't that good.
Eli Cash: But the sales are.

Share this quote on facebook Royal: [indicating Pagoda] He saved my life, you know. 30 years ago, I was knifed in a bazaar in Calcutta. He carried me to the hospital on his back.
Ari: Who stabbed you?
[Royal motions to Pagoda again.]
Royal: He did. There was a price on my head, and he was a hired assassin. Stuck me right in the gut with a shiv.

Share this quote on facebook Chas: Why'd you try to kill yourself?
Etheline: Don't press him right now.
Richie: I wrote a suicide note.
Chas: You did?
Richie: Yeah. Right after I regained consciousness.
[Everyone looks slightly confused.]
Chas: Can we read it?
Richie: No.
Chas: Can you paraphrase it for us?
Richie: I don't think so.
Chas: Is it dark?
Richie: Of course it's dark. It's a suicide note.

Share this quote on facebook Eli: I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum.
Royal: Me too, me too.

Share this quote on facebook Eli: I wish you'd've done this for me when I was a kid.
Richie: But you didn't have a drug problem then.
Eli: Yeah, but it still would've meant a lot to me.

Share this quote on facebook Royal: I'm dying, baby. I'm sick as a dog. I'll be dead in six weeks. I'm dying.
Etheline: What are you talking about? What happened? Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I didn't know. What'd they say? What's the prognosis?
Royal: Take it easy, Ethel. Hold on. Hold on.
Etheline: Where's the doctor? Let's get -
Royal: Wait a second. Listen. I'm not dying. But I need some time. A month. Maybe two. I want us to -
Etheline: What's wrong with you?
Royal: Ethel.
Etheline: Go away!
Royal: Baby. I am dying.
Etheline: Are you or aren't you?
Royal: Dying? Yes.

Share this quote on facebook Royal: Look, I know I'm gonna be the bad guy on this one. But I just wanna say the last six days have been the best six days of probably my whole life.
Narrator: Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true.

Share this quote on facebook Richie: Did you just say you're on mescaline?
Eli: I did indeed. Very much so.

Share this quote on facebook FAMILY ISN'T A WORD...IT'S A SENTENCE.

Share this quote on facebook You Are Invited To A Remarkable Family Gathering.