Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (2000)

Share this quote on facebook (to the Jokerz) It's a school night, boys and girls. I'm gonna have to call your folks.

Share this quote on facebook (after the Jokerz's vehicle crashes) That ain’t coming out of my allowance.

Share this quote on facebook I hate to say it, but I think your little Robin's turned into a bitter old crow.

Share this quote on facebook (to Ace) Good Batdog.

Share this quote on facebook You know, kids, a lot has changed since your old Uncle Joker's been away. New Gotham, new rules... even a new Batman. But now I'm tanned, I'm rested and I'm ready to give this old town a wedgie again!

Share this quote on facebook (asking each of the Jokerz to say they're with him) Bonk...? Oh, right... dead!

Share this quote on facebook Hello, Gotham. Joker's back in town! (trademark laugh)

Share this quote on facebook (meeting the new Batman) Ah, the new boy. Ears are too long, and I miss the cape, but not too shabby. Not too shabby at all.

Share this quote on facebook (to Bruce) Don't get up, Bruce. It's just an old friend, come by to say hello. Hello... Batman.

Share this quote on facebook This is one of Uncle Sam's orbiting defense satellites. Hyperion-class, laser armed. Handy little gadget for shooting down unfriendly missiles, or giving somebody a world-class hotfoot! [simulation of the satellite firing down on Gotham] Think of it as urban tagging on a grand scale, reminding all and sundry that this is Joker territory! You're welcome to try and stop us, but - heh-heh - I'm not taking bets on that happening anytime soon. Toodle!

Share this quote on facebook Aren't you the nasty tattle-tale? Ratting me out before I have my fun! (prepares to fire the satellite laser) Papa spank!

Share this quote on facebook (preparing to fire the satellite laser) So where should I make ground zero? Gotham General, where our hero's dear little Dana is recuperating? Or here, in the happy garden of Mrs. Mary McGinnis? I always think it adds a little resonance to a hero's mission to have some defining element of tragedy in his background, don't you? Ah, but the one thing I could never leave standing would be stately Wayne Manor, gone before Brucie can hobble to safety or even get to the phone to call for help!

Share this quote on facebook Adios, Brucie. I guess I should salute you as a worthy adversary and all that, but the truth is I really did hate your guts. (blows raspberry)

Share this quote on facebook (working on a communications array, not looking up) You might as well show yourself. I heard you coming a mile away. [Batman decloaks] I'm no Boy Wonder anymore, but that old training never goes away, even at my age.

Share this quote on facebook Me and the others gave everything, but it just wasn't enough for the old man. I used to think, if I went on long enough, someday he'd retire and I'd... ah, the heck with it. Capes, costumes, bad guys - it was kid's stuff! Bruce probably did me a favor. By the end, I was so sick of it I never wanted to see that stupid Robin suit again...! [turns around; Batman is gone] Some things never change.

Share this quote on facebook Terry. I've been thinking about something you once told me. And you were wrong. It's not Batman that makes you worthwhile; it's the other way around. Never tell yourself anything different.

Share this quote on facebook (After hitting a target with a batarang) Still got it.

Share this quote on facebook (both) On the double!

Share this quote on facebook Dee-Dee (1): Well, if it isn't old mister Wayne.
Dee-Dee (2): So debonair.
Dee-Dee (1): So dapper.
Dee-Dee (2): (knees him) So decrepit.

Share this quote on facebook Chucko: Batman showed up and we had to ditch, but we were able to save this: the console's memory board. [Chucko slides the board to Joker, who is sitting across the table. Joker catches it.] I know it's not much, but-
The Joker: "It's not much"? It's nothing! [smashes the memory board] Losers, all of you. A disgrace to the name "Joker". Why, in my day--
Bonk: "In your day"?! Ever since you conned your way into this gang it's been "in your day" this, "in your day" that!
Chucko: [uneasily] Bonk...
Bonk: Your day is over, old man, even if you are who you say you are; and personally, I think you're a fake!
The Joker: Ah, brave new world... that has such putzes in it.
Bonk: He's got us running around, ripping out a lot of geek junk, but no cash! He won't tell us what his plan is, even if he has one! I want out!
The Joker: [Amused, the Joker pulls out a gun.] If you insist... [the other Jokerz gasp]
Bonk: [scared] Hey, man, take it easy! I-I was, I was just kidding!
[The Joker fires, but a flag with the word BANG! pops out of the end of the gun.]
The Joker: So was I! [The Joker chuckles and waves the gun, then shoots the flag into Bonk's chest.] Oops! No I wasn't! That's also how we did it in my day. You know, kids, a lot has changed since your old Uncle Joker's been away: new Gotham, new rules, even a new Batman. But now I'm tanned, I'm rested, and I'm ready to give this town a wedgie again! I have to know you're with me. Will you say it for me one time?
Jokerz: [Terrified.] We're with you!
The Joker: A little louder.
Jokerz: [Louder.] We're with you!
The Joker: Dee-Dee?
The Dee-Dee Twins: We're with you!
The Joker: Boys?
Chucko and Ghoul: We're with you!
The Joker: Bonk? ... Oh, right. Dead! [pauses and grins brightly] Dee-Dee, be a lamb and sweep out the trash. There's a good girls! [Dee-Dee Twins manage to get Bonk off of the table] Your renewed faith puts a smile in my heart! Let's say we forget about tonight's mishap and start over?
Chucko: Great, Boss!
The Joker: Ghoul, m'boy, we're gonna need a new systems scanner; who's got one that they'd be willing to donate?
Ghoul: Checking... What we're after is cutting edge. It's the only other place we can find one.
The Joker: [Reading off a list.] Hmmm... Nope. Nuh-uh. Nope. [Finally finding a candidate.] Ah!
Ghoul: What? There? Security's gonna be tight.
The Joker: Oh, yes! But think of the fun!

Share this quote on facebook [Terry and Dana are dancing, while Terry is falling asleep, Dana tries to keep him awake by talking...it doesn't work, so...]
Dana: Terry, my head's on fire.
Terry: [takes the hand of another girl, his eyes are closed] You look good.
Dana: [angry] MCGINNIS!!
[Other girl giggles and walks away]
Terry: Sorry, babe. Guess the day was longer than I thought.

Share this quote on facebook Terry McGinnis: It's funny. I know about all your other major enemies, but you never mention him. He was the biggest, wasn't he?
Bruce Wayne: It wasn't a popularity contest. He was a psychopath. A monster.
Terry McGinnis: So how is it possible he could still be around after all this time?
Bruce Wayne: It's not possible. He died years ago.
Terry McGinnis: You're sure?
Bruce Wayne: [shortly] I was there.
[Bruce gets up starts walking away. There's a beat of silence]
Terry [softly]: You killed him... didn't you? [Bruce stops and hangs his head, but still doesn't look at him] He was gonna do something so terrible that you had no other choice. That was it, wasn't it?

Share this quote on facebook Bruce Wayne: It can't be.
The Joker: Oh no. Your old eyes do not deceive you, Brucie! After all, [whispers] who'd know me better than you?

Share this quote on facebook The Joker: [after targeting Wayne Manor] Adios, Brucie. I suppose I should salute you as a worthy adversary and all that, but the truth is I really did hate your guts. [blows a raspberry at Bruce, then turns to Terry] How about you, kid? Any last words for the old Bat-fart? [referring to Bruce] ["Bat-fart" becomes "Bat-coot" in the edited version]
Batman: Yeah. Sic 'im!
[Ace arrives on cue and attacks the Joker]

Share this quote on facebook The Joker: [notices the satellite laser is heading for the abandoned candy factory] Oh, good! The beam's headed here! Now I'll have to start all over again. Thanks for wrecking everything, kid. [Turns to leave] See ya 'round.
Batman: Hold it! [Grabs Joker's wrist]
The Joker: Wise up, junior, GAME'S OVER!
Batman: I'm taking you in!
The Joker: [laughing] Right! [punches Batman several times and throws him onto table, which breaks under his weight] You're out of your league, McGinnis. I know every trick the original Batman and Robin knew at their peak.
Batman: Maybe. But you don't know a thing about me.
The Joker: YOU?! What's to know?! You're a punk! A rank amateur! A costumed errand boy taking orders from a senile old man. Still, if it's a whupping you're a-wantin'...
[He rolls up his sleeves, and Terry runs to the door]
The Joker: That's right. Better run and save yourself... it's about your speed. [Terry closes the door, then breaks the switch to prevent escape]
Batman: Let's dance, bozo.
[As they fight, Joker gets the upper hand]
Batman: [To Bruce, through comlink] He's tough. Any suggestions, boss?
Bruce Wayne: Joker's vain and likes to talk. He'll try to distract you, but don't listen. Block it out and power on through.
Batman: Wait. I like to talk too.
[They fight, and Terry knees the Joker in the gut]
The Joker: What're you doing?!
Batman: Fighting dirty.
The Joker: The REAL Batman would never-- [Terry pushes the knee in further]
Batman: Told you, ya didn't know me.
The Joker: Funny guy...
Batman: Can't say the same for you. [shoves the Joker so that his gut hits a table]
The Joker: Impudent brat. Who do you think you're talking to?
Batman: Not a comedian, I'll tell you that.
The Joker: [draws a laser pistol] Shut your mouth! [fires at Batman]
Batman: [retreats into the rafters] The real Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him. [tosses a batarang, knocking the gun out of Joker's hand]
The Joker: Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy!
Batman: Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out. [hits the lights with a batarang, turning them off] The real reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man.
The Joker: I'm not hearing this...
Batman: Get a clue, clowny! He's got no sense of humor! He wouldn't know a good joke if it bit him in the cape. Not that you ever had a good joke.
The Joker: [really getting angry] Shut up... Shut up!
Batman: I mean, joy buzzers, squirting flowers? Lame! Where's the "A" material? Make a face, drop your pants, something!
The Joker: Show yourself!
Batman: You make me laugh. But only 'cause I think you're kinda pathetic. [mimics the Joker's laugh]
The Joker: Stop that!
Batman: So you fell in a tank of acid, got your skin bleached and decided to become a supervillain. What, you couldn't get work as a rodeo clown? [laughs mockingly]
The Joker: [grabs some grenades] Don't you dare laugh at me!...
Batman: [laughs harder] Why? I thought the Joker always wanted to make Batman laugh!
The Joker: [throwing grenades] YOU'RE NOT BATMAN!!

Share this quote on facebook The Joker: [as he takes off Batman's mask and strangles him, he laughs] C'mon, McGinnis! Laugh it up now, you miserable little punk! LAUGH! [in a sing-song tone] I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Terry: Ha... ha. [jabs joybuzzer into the back of the Joker's neck, frying the microchip and destroying the Joker forever, before Terry puts his mask back on]

Share this quote on facebook Commissioner Barbara Gordon: [beginning the flashback] I thought talking about it would get easier over time, but some hurts never go away. Dick Grayson - Nightwing - had left to establish himself in another city. There were three of us then: Bruce, myself, and Robin... Tim Drake. [Robin is seen gliding over Gotham's rooftops] Robin was out alone that night when he came upon a woman in trouble.
Woman: Help! Help! Somebody, please help!
Robin: Hero time! [grapples down to the ground and knocks out two thugs] That evens things up a little.
[The "woman in trouble" is soon revealed to be Harley Quinn...]
Harley Quinn: Not really, bird-boy! [knocks Robin out with her mallet, as the Joker enters the scene]
The Joker: [chuckles] A bird in the hand...
Commissioner Barbara Gordon: [narrating, as Batman and Batgirl search for Robin] We soon realized Tim was missing. Night after night, we scoured the city, running down every lead, pressing every underworld connection... but no one had seen any sign of Robin. For three agonizing weeks, there was nothing. Then, one night, we were sent an invitation...
[Batman and Batgirl arrive on a rooftop, seeing a jack-in-the-box. Batman opens it with a batarang, but the "jack" triggers a grenade, exploding the box. In the remains, Batman picks up a straitjacket, realizing where Robin is...]
Batman: Arkham.
Commissioner Barbara Gordon: [narrating] The asylum had been moved to a newer high-security building. The old building had been partially demolished, and hung open like a rotting wound.

Share this quote on facebook The Joker: You know, Bats, we've been doing this little runaround of ours for years. It's been loads of laughs, but sad fact is, none of us are getting any younger.
Harley Quinn: That old clock's a'tickin'!
The Joker: Quite right, poo. And Harley and I thought it was time to start a family. Add a "Joker Junior" to our merry brood.
Harley Quinn: But rather than go through all the joys of childbirth, [makes disgusted face] we decided to adopt.
The Joker: We couldn't do it legally, but then we remembered that you always have a few spare kids lying around — so we borrowed one.
[Joker and Harley open the curtain, revealing a shadowed figure strapped to a table.]
Batman: No...
Batgirl: My God!
The Joker: He needed a little molding, of course; what kid doesn't? But, in time, we came to love him as our own. Say hello, J.J.!:
[Robin appears from the shadows, mutilated to look like the Joker and laughing mindlessly]

Share this quote on facebook Harley Quinn: Sweetie, get mommy's bazooka!

Share this quote on facebook Batgirl: How could you help Joker do it, Harley?
Harley Quinn: Okay, so he roughed the kid up a little. But I'll make it right.
Batgirl: Yeah, you're Mother of the Stinkin' Year!

Share this quote on facebook The Joker: If you don't like the movie, I've got slides.

Share this quote on facebook Batman: I'll break you in two...
The Joker: Oh, Batman, if you had the guts for that kind of fun, you'd have done it years ago. I on the other hand... [The Joker produces a knife from his sleeve, cuts Batman across the chest and stabs it in above his knee, or in the edited cut, he just punches him; in either case, he jumps down to the wounded Batman] You've lost, Batman. Robin is mine. The last sound you'll hear will be our laughter.

Share this quote on facebook [Edited version]
The Joker: [tosses laughing gas gun to Tim] Here you go, sonny boy! [Tim grabs the gun] Make him one of us!
[Tim aims the gun at Batman]
Batman: Tim...
[Tim lowers the gun, then puts it away Bruce smiles but the Joker snarls. Tim still laughing tackles the Joker into the next room with tanks of water near electrical wiring, where he crashes into one and tries going after Tim but slips and turns on the electrical wiring; scene cuts to far away from the room, where the Joker's horrific death scream is heard]

Share this quote on facebook [Uncut version]
The Joker: [tosses the bang flag spear gun to Tim] Here you go, sonny boy! [Tim grabs the gun] Make daddy proud: deliver the punchline.
[Tim aims the gun at Batman, then pulls the trigger and a "Bang!" flag pops up harmlessly]
Batman: Tim...
[Tim pauses a bit, still laughing]
The Joker: DO IT!
[Tim laughs for a bit, but slowly breaks out of the brainwashing effect, then turns around and fires the gun at the Joker instead, where the flag spear pierces his heart, and he gets flown and knocked into giant building blocks]
The Joker: [dying] That's not funny... that's not...
[The Joker gets choked up in blood, then falls to the floor, dead; Tim's insane laughter quickly becomes uncontrollable sobbing and he falls to his knees]

Share this quote on facebook Commissioner Barbara Gordon: [ends the flashback] We buried the Joker deep beneath Arkham. The only other person who knew what happened that night was my father, the first Commissioner Gordon. He promised to keep our secret. [In the edited version, the line, "We buried the Joker deep beneath Arkham," was removed before the next line "The only other person who knew what happened that night..."] In his last act of cruelty, the Joker tainted us all with compromise and deception. [turns to Terry] I suppose he had the last laugh after all.
Terry McGinnis: I'm assuming his girlfriend bought it, too.
Commissioner Barbara Gordon: We never found her body, but I doubt she'd be starting trouble now.
Terry McGinnis: And Tim?
Commissioner Barbara Gordon: We had a trusted friend, Dr. Leslie Thompkins. It took her a year, but she was able to help Tim back to sanity. Still, things were never really the same. Bruce forbade Tim to be Robin again; he blamed himself for what happened and swore he'd never endanger another young partner. Tim left us soon after that, determined to make it on his own.
Terry McGinnis: Did they ever patch things up?
Commissioner Barbara Gordon: Tim tried once or twice, but you know Bruce. I check up on Tim now and then. He's a top-level communications engineer, married, couple kids. Not too bad, all things considered.
Terry McGinnis: He deserved a happy ending... but he still has the most likely connection to that night.