Beetlejuice (1988)

Share this quote on facebook [reading obituary] Ooh-la-la, what have we got here? The Maitlands. [laughs] Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too! [more laughing]

Share this quote on facebook Hey, these aren't my rules! Come to think of it, I don't have any rules!

Share this quote on facebook I'm the ghost with the most, babe.

Share this quote on facebook YOU BUNCHA LOSERS!!! YOU'RE WORKING WITH A PROFESSIONAL HERE!!! (kicks over a tree; quietly observes it for a moment) NICE FUCKING MODEL!!! (grabs his crotch and squeezes it twice with a bike horn sound)

Share this quote on facebook Attention, K-Mart shoppers!

Share this quote on facebook And that, is why I won't do two shows a night anymore babe, I won't.

Share this quote on facebook Well...what do we got here tonight, kids? [Sees the Maitlands] Oooo, well, we got the, uh, Maitlands. Uh, I think, uh, they've had enough "exorcise" for tonight. [Mimes a golf swing, the Maitlands collapse]

Share this quote on facebook [To Otho] Not so fast, round boy. We're gonna have some laughs!

Share this quote on facebook We come for your daughter, Chuck.

Share this quote on facebook Nobody says the "B" word.

Share this quote on facebook It's showtime!

Share this quote on facebook [After his head spins] Don't you hate it when that happens?

Share this quote on facebook I'll eat anything you want me to eat, I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow, so come on down and I'll... chew on a dog! (howls)

Share this quote on facebook [About her stepmother, Delia] She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight.

Share this quote on facebook My whole life is a darkroom. [Slowly, for effect] One. Big. Dark. Room.

Share this quote on facebook I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food.

Share this quote on facebook [realizing that Adam and Barbara are ghosts] The funeral. God. You guys really are dead.

Share this quote on facebook I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane and I will take you with me!

Share this quote on facebook Don't mind her. She's still upset that someone dropped a house on her sister.

Share this quote on facebook Delia: I can't believe we're eating Cantonese. Is there no Szechuan up here?
Lydia: I plan to have a stroke from the amount of MSG that's in this food.
Delia: This is our first meal in this house, so why don't we all do our little private parts to make it a pleasant one?
Charles: Don't bait your mother, Pumpkin. As soon as we get settled, we'll build you a darkroom in the basement.
Lydia: My whole life is a darkroom. One. Big. Dark. Room.
Delia: So you were miserable in the city, and now you're going to be miserable out here in the sticks. At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved.

Share this quote on facebook Lydia: [On the new house] Delia hates it. [sees a huge spider on a web] I could live here.

Share this quote on facebook Charles: Pumpkin, sweetheart... [kisses her and forces her out his study room] Go help your mother.
Lydia: Maybe you can relax in a haunted house, but I can't.

Share this quote on facebook Juno: What's wrong?
Barbara: We're very unhappy.
Juno: What did you expect? You're dead.

Share this quote on facebook Lydia: Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?
Adam: We're ghosts!
Lydia: What do you look like under there?
Adam: Aren't you scared?
Lydia: I'm not scared of sheets. Are you gross under there? Are you Night of the Living Dead under there? Like all bloody veins and pus?
Adam: Night of the what?
Lydia: Living Dead. It's a movie.
Barbara: You know, if I had seen a ghost at your age I would have been scared out of my wits.
Adam: You can see us without the sheets?
Lydia: Of course I can see you.
Adam: Well, how is it you see us and nobody else can?
Lydia: Well, I've read through that handbook for the recently deceased. It says: 'live people ignore the strange and unusual. I, myself, am strange and unusual.
Barbara: You look like a regular girl to me.
Adam: You've read our book?
Lydia: Yeah.
Adam: You can follow it?
Lydia: Yeah. Why were you guys creeping around in Delia's bedroom?
Adam: We were trying to scare your mother.
Lydia: Stepmother. Anyway, you can't scare her. She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight.

Share this quote on facebook Dumb Football Player #1: Coach? Coach, where's the men's room?
Juno: I'm not your coach! He survived.
Dumb Football Player #2: Wait, Coach. Let me get something straight. What's our curfew around here?
Juno: Will you get out of here?!? Go on, get downstairs! "Men's room" - are you kidding? Can't you read signs?
[they come back into the office later]
Dumbest Football Player: Coach?
Juno: What?
Dumbest Football Player: I don't think we survived that crash.
Juno: How did you guess?

Share this quote on facebook Lydia: They don't wanna come down.
Delia: Charles...
Otho: Why not?
Lydia: I think the reason is, is that they were trying to scare you away, and you didn't get scared.
Delia: Please, they're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic.

Share this quote on facebook Lydia: Mr. and Mrs. Maitland? Hello? Where are you?
Beetlejuice: Dead. Dead, dead, deadski.
Lydia: Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.
Beetlejuice: No, I mean they're gone, split, out of here, afterlife kids, deceased-ahh.
Lydia: Are you a ghost too?
Beetlejuice: I'm a ghost with the most, babe. [Gets up from his lounge chair] Y'know, you look like somebody I can relate to. Maybe you could help me get out of here, you know, 'cause I gotta tell you: this dead thing is- [Picks up and eats a beetle from the ground] -it's just too creepy. See, here's my problem; I got these friends on the outside I said I'd meet, y'know, and but it's the kind of thing I have to be there in person, y'know, so I was just wondering could you help me get out of here?
Lydia: [Sighing sadly] I want to get in.
Beetlejuice: [Confused] ...why?

Share this quote on facebook In This House... If You've Seen One Ghost... You Haven't Seen Them All.

Share this quote on facebook He's guaranteed to put some life, in your afterlife.

Share this quote on facebook Say it once... Say it twice... But we dare you to say it THREE TIMES!

Share this quote on facebook The name in laughter from the hereafter.