Seth Gecko
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Well, your best better get a hell of a lot fucking better, or you are gonna feel a hell of a lot fucking worse. Everybody be cool.
You — be cool!
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Let me explain the house rules. Follow the rules, we'll get along like a house on fire. Rule number one: No noise, no questions. You make a noise...
[holds up gun] Mr. .44 makes a noise. You ask a question, Mr. 44 answers it.
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Don't you ever try and fucking run on us, 'cause I've got six little friends and they can all run faster than you can.
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I know that I have put you through hell, and I know that I have been one rough pecker. But from here on, you are all in my cool book.
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[puts a gun to Sex-Machine's head] You touch my brother with that stake,
biker, and vampires won't have to suck your blood. They'll be able to lick it up off the floor.
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And I don't want to hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires" because
I don't believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what
I saw is fucking vampires!
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And if there is a hell, and those sons of bitches are from it, then there has got to be a heaven... Jacob, there's gotta be.
Jacob Fuller
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Every person who... chooses the service of God as his life's work has something in common. I don't care if you're a preacher, a priest, a nun, a rabbi or a Buddhist monk. Many, many times during your life you will look at your reflection in a mirror and ask yourself: am I a fool? I'm not going through a lapse; what I've experienced is closer to awakening.
Chet Pussy
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Alright, pussy, pussy, pussy!
Come on in Pussy lovers!
Here at the Titty Twister we’re slashing pussy in half!
Give us an offer on our vast selection of pussy, this is a pussy blow out!
Alright, we got white pussy, black pussy, spanish pussy, yellow pussy. We got hot pussy, cold pussy. We got wet pussy. We got smelly pussy. We got hairy pussy, bloody pussy. We got snapping pussy. We got silk pussy, velvet pussy, naugahyde pussy. We even got horse pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy.
C'mon, you want pussy, come on in Pussy Lovers!
If we don’t got it, you don't want it!
Come on in Pussy lovers!
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Attention pussy shoppers!
Take advantage of our penny pussy sale!
If you buy one piece of pussy at the regular price, you get another piece of pussy of equal or lesser value for only a penny!
Try and beat pussy for a penny!
If you can find cheaper pussy anywhere, fuck it!
Others
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Earl McGraw: Jesus H. Christ, Pete. When you gonna learn that microwave food'll kill you faster than a bullet? I mean, them damn burritos ain't good for nothing but a hippie, when he's high on weed.
Dialogue
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Pete Bottoms:
[about a Texas Ranger] Look, he comes in here everyday, and we bullshit. He's used my toilet a thousand times. If I said no, he'd know somethin' was up.
Seth: I want him out of here, in his car, and down the road within the next five minutes, or you can change the name of this place to Benny's World of Blood.
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Richie: The guy's back there taking a piss. Why don't I just go there, shoot him in the back of the head, and we'll get the Hell outta here.
Pete Bottoms: Don't do that! Look, you asked me to act natural, and I'm acting as natural - in fact, under the circumstances, I think I ought get a fuckin' Academy Award for how natural I'm acting.
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[As Benny's World of Liquor explodes in the background]
Seth: What did I tell you?! What did I specifically say to you? I said buy the road map and leave.
Richie: What the fuck was I supposed to do, Seth? He recognized us.
Seth: He didn't recognize shit!
Richie: Seth, I'm telling you. The way he looked at us, you especially, I knew he knew.
Seth: Low profile. Do you understand the meaning of the words "Low Profile?"
Richie: "Hey, Richie, how's your hand?" It hurts like a fucking son of a bitch, thanks for asking, Seth!
Seth: Let me tell you what low profile is not! It is not taking girls hostage! It is not shooting police officers!
IT IS NOT SETTING FIRE TO A BUILDING!
Richie: Bitch, bitch, bitch.
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Seth: So, what's the story with you two, you a couple of fags?
Jacob: He's my son.
Seth: How's that happen? You don't look Japanese.
Jacob: Neither does he. He looks Chinese.
Seth: Oh. Well, excuse me all to hell.
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[Richie is day-dreaming]
Kate: Richie, would you do me a favor and eat my pussy for me... please?
Richie: Uhh... sure.
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Seth:
[talking to Jacob about his wife's death in a car crash] Died right away?
Jacob: Not quite. She was trapped in the wreck for about six hours before she passed on.
Seth: Yeah, those acts of God really stick it in and break it off, don't they?
Jacob: Yes, they do.
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Richie: Where are my glasses?
Seth: They broke when you fell.
Richie: Oh, fuck, Seth, these are like my only pair!
Seth: Don't worry about it.
Richie: Whatdya mean, don't worry about it? Of course I'm gonna worry about it, I can't fuckin' see!
Seth: I'll take care of it when we get to El Rey.
Richie: Yeah, like some Mexican hole-in-the-wall's gonna have my fuckin' prescription.
Seth: It is not a big deal until you make it a big deal. Now I was in a very good mood, so stop bringing me down with this bullshit!
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Seth: Shit, I been to bars make this place look like a fuckin' 4-H club.
Richie: I gotta say I'm with Jacob on this. I been to some fucked up places in my time, but that place is fucked up.
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Jacob: Are you such a fucking loser, you can't tell when you've won?
Seth: What did you call me?
Jacob: Nothing. I didn't make a statement. I asked a question. Would you like me to ask it again?
Seth: Umm-hmm.
Jacob: Are you such a loser you can't tell when you've won? The entire state of Texas, along with the F.B.I., is looking for you. Did they find you? No. They couldn't. You've won, Seth, enjoy it.
Seth: Jacob, I want you to have a drink with me. I insist.
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Santanico Pandemonium: I'm not gonna drain you completely. You'll be my slave. Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood, you'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be "Spot." Welcome to slavery.
Seth: No, thanks. I've already had a wife.
[shoots the chandelier above her head, which falls and impales her] Share this quote on facebook
Kate: Are you okay?
Seth: Peachy, Kate. The world's my oyster, except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake in my brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though I don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory.
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Jacob: Has anybody here read a real book about vampires, or are we just remembering what a movie said? I mean a
real book.
Sex Machine: You mean like a Time-Life book?
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Seth: I don't give a damn about living or dying anymore. I just wanna send as many as these devils back to hell as I can.
Jacob: Amen.
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Kate: Seth, should I save the last two bullets for us?
Seth: No, use 'em on the next fuck who tries to bite you!
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Seth:
[about the Titty Twister] Why, out of all the God-forsaken shitholes in Mexico, do we have to meet here?
Carlos: One place's just as good as another.
Seth: You've never been here before?
Carlos: No. I drove by it a couple of times. It's a rowdy place, it's out in the middle of nowhere, there'd be no cops. It's open from dusk till dawn. And didn't you say you wanted to meet in the morning? Here we are.
Seth: Well, since you just picked this place out of a hat, my brother is dead! That girl's entire fucking family is dead!
Carlos: What were they, psychos?
Seth: Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires! Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are!
Carlos: Well Seth, how can I make it up to you?
Seth: No, Carlos! Can't do it! I tell you, you cannot make it up to me. Can't do it!
[pause] 15%, instead of 30% for my stay in El Ray, that's a good start.
Carlos:
[beat] 28?
Seth: My brother's gone, Carlos, you understand that? He's gone, and he is not coming back, and that is your fault.
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