Kicking & Screaming (2005)

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: I was born a baby, a blank slate. I thought I was in control of my own destiny, and then I met my dad.

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: You don't think? Ya don't think? Well, I don't think you should be buttin' in when I'm talkin' to my team. You're my assistant, OK? You're supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes when I tell ya. Now go get me a juicebox.
Mike Ditka: YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKIN' TO?
Phil Weston: I'm talkin' to the juicebox guy.
Mike Ditka: You're crazy!
Phil Weston: I'm not crazy, I'm just thirsty.
Mike Ditka: WELL, YOU GO TO HELL!
Phil Weston: No, you go to hell, and while you're there, why don't you grab me a juicebox!
Mike Ditka: I'M NO JUICEBOX BOY, I'LL TELL YOU THAT!
Phil Weston: Yes, you are!
Mike Ditka: No, I'm not!
Phil Weston: Yes, you are!
Mike Ditka: No, I'm not!
Phil Weston: Yes, you are!
Mike Ditka: No, I'm not! You're like your old man!
Phil Weston: I'M NOT LIKE MY OLD MAN!
Mike Ditka: If it weren't for these kids, I would whip your butt!
Phil Weston: I CAN TAKE A PUNCH!

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: What is that haunting aroma?

Share this quote on facebook Mike Ditka: Way to go, Bing Bong!

Share this quote on facebook Ann Hogan: Hi, Mr.Ditka. I was wondering - my son Byong-Sun is a little shy, so could I get an autograph?
Mike Ditka: Yeah, sure, how do you spell it?
Ann Hogan: B-Y-...
Mike Ditka: I think I got it.
[gives paper]
Donna Jones: [walking away looking at autograph] Bing-bong?

Share this quote on facebook Mike Ditka: [team is doing push-ups] If you guys were the Bears, I'd fine you $10,000 apiece.

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston:I am angry. I'm like a large tornado of anger, swirling about.

Share this quote on facebook Buck Weston: I take a vitamin everyday. It's called a steak.

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: Hey, I almost had you!
'Buck Weston: What do you call that again, when you almost win? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah... Losing!

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: [Phil to Mark] How many sarcastic pills did you take this morning?

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: That's like the little jackal from hell!

Share this quote on facebook Buck Weston: We've got balls!
Phil Weston: And vitamins!
Buck Weston: But mostly balls!
Phil Weston: [with all the kids from the Tigers and Gladiators teams]
[shout]
Phil Weston: And vitamins!

Share this quote on facebook Sam Weston: Dad, you're getting a little creepy.
Phil Weston: I know, let's all bay at the moon.
Sam Weston: What?
Phil Weston: You know, howl at the moon... like this. Owwwwooooo... owooo... ow, ow, ow, ow, owwwoooo!
Neighbor: Shut up out there!
Phil Weston: You shut up in THERE!
[continues howling, and all the kids join in; momentarily, a pack of snarling dogs charge into the yard]

Share this quote on facebook Buck Weston: You know how hard it's been for me ever since your mom died.
Phil Weston: She didn't die! She divorced you!
Buck Weston: Ehh... tomatoes, tomahtoes.

Share this quote on facebook Mike Ditka: [to the Tigers team] This is gonna be the hardest thing you've ever done in your whole lives. But when it's over...
Phil Weston: Don't get emotional...
Mike Ditka: When it's over...
Phil Weston: [echoing him] When it's over...
Mike Ditka: You guys are gonna be champions!
Phil Weston: Champions!
Mike Ditka: Now let's get out there and kick some butt!
Phil Weston: On three, 'let's have fun'
The Tigers: [all chant] One, two, three, Let's Have Fun!
Mike Ditka: [to Phil, mocking] 'Let's have fun,' what's THAT?

Share this quote on facebook Buck Weston: Oh, this oughtta be good. If we live long enough, we'll see Iron Mike and Aluminum Phil coaching the Tigers.
Mike Ditka: I couldn't really hear ya, Weston. My Superbowl ring was making too much noise.

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: Are you a robot-woman? Are you a robot?
Barbara Weston: I am not a robot!

Share this quote on facebook Mike Ditka: Did you just kick your son?
Phil Weston: Yeah.

Share this quote on facebook Umberto: [making the two boys recite] Prima la carne, prima la carne.
Gian Piero: Prima la carne.
Massimo: Prima la carne.
Phil Weston: What?
Umberto: Meat first, THEN soccer!
Phil Weston: Right, meat comes first!

Share this quote on facebook Mike Ditka: New game plan - pass the ball to the EYEtalians!

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: [to Gian Piero and Massimo] Take the field. Taka the fielda.

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: This is Gian Piero and Massimo. They're apprentice butchers.
Mark Avery: Could the blacksmiths and candlestick makers not make it?
Mike Ditka: Shut up!

Share this quote on facebook Ann Hogan: Coach Ditka? Hi. Our son, Byong Sun, he's very shy, and we were wondering
[hands him a pad to autograph]
Mike Ditka: Sure, 'be happy to.
Ann Hogan: Thank you so much. It's Byong Sun
[spelling]
Ann Hogan: B-Y...
Mike Ditka: [autographing] I think I got it.
[hands it back to them]
Mike Ditka: Bye bye.
Mike Ditka: [to Phil, awkwardly] Just... a wonderful couple.
Ann Hogan: [looking at the autograph] What...
Donna Jones: "Bing Bong"?

Share this quote on facebook [Referee's hairpiece falls off; Byong Sun picks it up and puts it on]
Byong Sun: Look at me! I'm the Ref! I'm the Ref!
Referee: [chasing him] You little... give it back!
Phil Weston: [grabs it off Byong Sun and gives back] Sorry about that.
Bald Soccer Dad: How much do you think one of those things costs?
Phil Weston: I have no idea.

Share this quote on facebook Mike Ditka: I eat quitters and spit out their bones!

Share this quote on facebook [Phil, Barbara, and Sam arrive at Buck and Janice's home after the game]
Janice Weston: Hi, you guys!
Barbara Weston: Hi!
[hugs Janice]
Barbara Weston: Hi, Buck.
[she kisses him]
Buck Weston: Hey it's my two favorite people and Phil!
Phil Weston: Very funny, Dad. I've never heard that one before.

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: [Byong Sun uses a drinking cup to make popping noises] 'Scuse me... just... don't do that with the cup, okay?
[Byong Sun momentarily stops, embarrassed]

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: [passing out DVDs] These are instructional DVDs. Study them. Watch them. I only watched it once and already I learned this - it's called "Up and Over".
[he shows them this new kick, nearly wrecking the fireplace]
Phil Weston: [hears Barbara coming and passes the ball to Mark Avery] Here, hold this.
Barbara Weston: Guys, I told you, no playing soccer in the house.
Phil Weston: You did, you said it a lot.
Barbara Weston: Who did that?
Phil Weston: [pointing to Mark] He did.
The Tigers: HE DID!
Phil Weston: What? Nut'uh!
[the kids all descend upon him]

Share this quote on facebook Connor: Coach, did you order the pizzas yet?
Phil Weston: All in good time, Connor. But in the event the pizzas don't arrive, I have already made the decision... that we will eat Byong Sun.
[Byong Sun backs away from the campfire, freaked out]
Phil Weston: Okay, we're not gonna eat him. But he does look pretty appetizing, you have to admit.

Share this quote on facebook Sam Weston: You gotta lighten up.
Phil Weston: He started it!

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: Every time you say something back to me, it makes me love you more!

Share this quote on facebook Sam Weston: How do you say pizza in Italian?
Gian Piero: Pizza!
Sam Weston: How do you say "spaghetti"?
Gian Piero: Spaghetti!
Ambrose: Italian's easy.

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: [on park pay phone with Umberto] I'm really getting sick and tired of this 'Meat Comes First' thing!
Party Guests: [singing] Happy Birthday to you! Happy...
Phil Weston: Quiet please! Shut up! I'm on the phone and you're not the only ones in the park!

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: So when i took over for coach Benson...
Clark: [interrupting] I hear he's a woman now!
Party Guests: [laughter]
Buck Weston: Oooh.
Phil Weston: Actually uh, truth be told, *no one* knows where he is right now. A lot of people are... concerned.
Party Guests: [laughter]
Phil Weston: I don't know *why* that's funny.
Party Guests: [applause]

Share this quote on facebook Mark Avery: Hey Buck, remember when we beat you at the championship game?
Buck Weston: Oh yeah, well remember the time when I shoved that kid into the pool?
[kicks Mark into the swimming pool]

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: Ok, you caught me. The finches were a bad idea. And I wasn't gonna say anything, but I think some of them may have salmonella. A fair amount, in fact. I may have inadvertently poisoned your children.

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: Pizza at my house!

Share this quote on facebook Mike Ditka: Every good thing starts with a Brat!

Share this quote on facebook Phil Weston: [javelin drops just next to Barbara] Sorry. It's really windy!
Barbara Weston: [catching her breath] No it's not.
Phil Weston: It is over there.

Share this quote on facebook Mike Ditka: (after watching the Buck and Phil Weston commercial) These guys couldn't even win a Salad Bowl, let alone a Super Bowl!

Share this quote on facebook Elliott Cho - Byong Sun Hogan-Jones

Share this quote on facebook Dallas McKinney - Connor (Goalie)

Share this quote on facebook Randall May - Cornell Soccer consultant (uncredited)

Share this quote on facebook Jeremy Bergman - Hunter Davidson

Share this quote on facebook Erik Walker - Ambrose Hanna

Share this quote on facebook Sammy Fine - Jack Watson

Share this quote on facebook Timmy Deters - Alex

Share this quote on facebook Joseph R. Sicari - Umberto

Share this quote on facebook Stephen Rudrick - Young Ceeb

Share this quote on facebook Stasi Glenn - Butcher shop employee