See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989)

Share this quote on facebook Dave: Tell me the first thing that pops in your head.
Wally: Pussy!

Share this quote on facebook Eve: Any last requests, Mr. Karue?
Wally: I suppose a fuck is out of the question.
Eve: I'm afraid so.

Share this quote on facebook Wally: So, you're the fat fuck who's running this show!
Sutherland: Beautifully put, Mr. Karue. You're obviously a poet, a man after my own heart.

Share this quote on facebook Dave: And then one day, my wife turned into this remarkable creature that could sit on the end of a broomstick and take off. She could actually achieve flight.
Wally: I think I was married to that woman once.
Dave: Small world.

Share this quote on facebook Captain Braddock: What's the story here, Gatlin? I got the commissioner crawling up my ass!

Share this quote on facebook Wally: I hear prison isn't so bad if you like it up your butt.

Share this quote on facebook Hotel Clerk: Dr. Kesselring, we thought you wouldn't make it, did you have trouble with your visa?
Dave: Yes, and then suddenly they excepted American Express.
Wally: Yes, don't go home without it.

Share this quote on facebook Captain Braddock: Okay, no more bullshit. [to Dave, talking fast] Was there or wasn't there a woman?
Dave: Are you serious?
Captain Braddock: Yes, I'm goddamn serious.
Dave: Fuzzy Wuzzy was a woman?
Captain Braddock: What the hell is he talking about?
Wally: He reads lips. You're talking too fast.
Captain Braddock: [to Dave, talking slowly] Was there... a wom-an... pres-ent?
Dave: [to Captain Braddock, talking slowly] Yes. There was... a wom-an... pres-ent.
Captain Braddock: [to Wally] Why is he talking like that?
Wally: [to Captain Braddock, talking slowly] Because he's deaf... not stu-pid.

Share this quote on facebook Dave: Today, I threatened to shoot a naked woman with my erection.

Share this quote on facebook Dave: You swear an awful lot.
Wally: You're fucking-A right!

Share this quote on facebook Dave: Who are you talking to?
Wally: I'm talking to you, you prick.
Dave: Why don't you look me in the eye and say that?
Wally: I would if I could but I can't, I'm blind.
Dave: You're blind?
Wally: Yes, I'm blind. What are you, fucking deaf?
Dave: YES! I'M FUCKING DEAF!
Wally: You're really deaf?
Dave: I'm really deaf.
Wally: Then how do you know what I'm saying?
Dave: Because I'm reading your lips. Now you want the job or not?

Share this quote on facebook Dave: Well excusez-moi, monsieur hot shit!

Share this quote on facebook Wally: Where are we?
Dave: Probably on our way to New Jersey by now.
Wally: No kidding! I got family in there! Do you want to come with me?
Dave: Of course. You've earned my trust, Wally. You've been a very good friend to me these past couple days. You're always there for me. You never get me into trouble. Sometimes it seems a bit boring but that's a small price to pay for such a wonderful friendship.
Wally: That's beautiful, Dave. Do you mean everything you just said?
Dave: I'll tell you how I really feel in about a minute or two. Right now, I'm a little overwhelmed by the STINK of the seven tons of garbage that you drove us into!
Wally: Is THAT what it is? I thought you let one go! That's why I didn't say anything!
Dave: That's very kind of you! Thank you!

Share this quote on facebook Wally: These streets are bumpy.
Dave: You're driving on the sidewalk!

Share this quote on facebook Dave: We're in a warehouse, and you just hit a cow. I think we better back up.

Share this quote on facebook Adele: I think David got a little messed up.
Dave: What did she say?
Wally: She said she thinks you're an asshole!

Share this quote on facebook Dave: How many fingers am I holding up in front of your eyes right now?
Wally: Three!
Dave: That's good. That's pretty good, considering that he's blind.

Share this quote on facebook Wally: [yelling in Dave's ear] Shazaam! Can you hear me?
Dave: Wally! I heard you! I heard your voice!
Wally: Hooray! You can hear me!
Dave: What?
Wally: You can hear me!
Dave: [shouts] No, schmuck. I'm deaf! I'm deaf! Now do you get it?

Share this quote on facebook Dave: Fucking-A. Something bothers you, fuck it. Your wife leaves you, fuck her. Your boss fires you, fuck him. Fucking-A. Fucking them. Right?
Wally: You're fucking right!
Dave: It's a gift to be able to do that.

Share this quote on facebook Dave: Wally! He could put a hole through your *head*, Wally!
Wally: *Fuck* him and his holes!

Share this quote on facebook Dave: Did she say ship, or shit?

Share this quote on facebook Dr. Cornfeld: WHO are you, sir?
Dave: [misreading Cornfeld's lips] Fine, thank you!

Share this quote on facebook Cabbie: Let me see a badge!
Kirgo: [holds up gun] This is my badge!

Share this quote on facebook Captain Braddock: Thirty-two years on the force, a wife and three kids and a blind guy and a deaf guy are making me look like a real asshole.
Gatlin: You got that right.
Captain Braddock: What?
Gatlin: [talking into radio] Charlie over.

Share this quote on facebook Dave: [to Raoul] Stop right there or I'll throw this knife through your head! I mean it! I throw your brains out!
Cop with Bullhorn: [to Raoul] Freeze!
Dave: [to Raoul] That's more like it! Now put your hand up!
Cop with Bullhorn: [to Raoul] Put your hands in the air!
Dave: [to Raoul] Oh, so you do speak English!

Share this quote on facebook Reporter: Do you really think you can stop Khomeini?
Dave: Not if it's funny.

Share this quote on facebook Adele: Why do you feel you have to pass for someone with 20/20 vision when you're blind as a bat?
Wally: I don't feel. I have to pass.
Adele: Yes, you do. It's a sickness in your brain, just like if you were trying to pass for white.
Wally: You mean I'm not white?