Christopher, the Happy Cricket
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[
after hearing Wartlord's new law against singing] Singing is prohibited?! But if I'm alive, it's because I sing! Singing makes me dream! That decree is ridiculous!
Leonardo
King Wartlord
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Perfect! That diamond will be ours! With it, I will be the wealthiest, most powerful king in the planet! And I will build a gold statue, which will be seen on every corner of the world!
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What are you doing?! How could you miss?! That's why you don't make any progress: you don't take things seriously! Work on that aim, you worthless
FOOL!!!
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[
while trying to interrogate Snealy] Are you trying to make a fool of me, young man? Very well, allow me to introduce myself. I am Wartlord! Your king... [
puts Snealy in his mouth and spits him out] and ruler! [
laughs evilly]
Buffuno
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[
Christopher: Wait! But you're a bug, too. Shouldn't you be on our side?] Me? I'm no fool. I mean, I'm the royal fool. But I'm no fool, or am I a fool? I'm the king's fool, so I must be a fool!
[chuckles] It always confuses me. Am I a fool or am I not?
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[
realizes Wartlord is dead after falling into a fire] Your Nothingness? Your Zeroness? Wait a minute. That's enough of that. I'm free now! [
throws off his jester hat and flies away] GOODBYE, YOUR LUMPINESS!
Other Characters
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Toad: [
to a termite] Listen up, you lazy termite! I told you a thousand times that there are no breaks around here!
[kicks the termite] Everyone get to work!!! EVERYONE GET TO WORK!!!! [
a termite carves a statue of him standing on a toad and then is chased away by a toad]
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Hawthorn: Insects despise hawthorns! They prefer flowers! That's why we don't want you here! We hate your music! Destroy the guitar!
Dialogue
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[
Buffuno is launched into space to grab Linda the Night Star]
Buffuno: This worst than a rollercoaster!
Wartlord: Ha-ha! Fly! Fly! That diamond is mine!
Buffuno: I can't tell which way is up anymore! [
being hit by tiny meteors] Oh, it's staring to rain!
Wartlord: No, no! Go to the right! More to the right! [
Buffuno flies towards the moon] No-no-no-no! To your left! Your other left! [
Buffuno bashes his head on the moon] What are you doing?! How could you miss?! That's why you don't make any progress: you don't take things seriously! Work on that aim, you worthless
FOOL!!!
Buffuno: Yes, sir! [
feels the lump on his head] Too bad, it didn't work! Wow! Your Loudness! YOUR NOISINESS!! The Earth is not blue anymore! It must be this pollution thing!
Wartlord: I'm not interested in that!
Buffuno: Now what?! What am I gonna do now?!
Wartlord: Now?! You're going to stay up there all night and think about what you did! Maybe that will teach you a lesson!
[
Buffuno tries his best to hold on to the moon, but the part of the moon where Buffuno is holding breaks, causing Buffuno to fall back to Earth]
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[
Cartibella and Snealy walk on a sleeping old snail, but then they fall off as the snail wakes up]
Cartibella: What's this? A talking rock? Oh, looks like the end of the world, Snealy!
Old Snail: The end of the world?! Who?! Where?! What time is it?! And who might you be, little ones?!
Cartibella: My name is Cartibella.
Old Snail: [
referring to Snealy] And who's that cabbage?
Cartibella: "That cabbage"? Oh, this is Snealy. Excuse me, sir, but the Night Star fell from the night sky, and we were wondering if--
Old Snail: A falling Night Star?! Oh, no! Not again! Not long ago, humankind landed on the moon, and I haven't received my retirement money!
Cartibella: So you must know something?!
Old Snail: About the end of the world? No, no! I don't know nothing about that, my dear! I just wanna sleep! Sleep undisturbed and wait for Noah's Ark! [
goes back into his shell]
Cartibella: Wake up, Mr. Snail!
Old Snail: What?! What's going on?! I told you I don't know nothing! No, no, no! I don't know anything!
Cartibella: So do you know or don't you?
Old Snail: What?
Cartibella: Where he lives?
Old Snail: Who?
Cartibella: The Magic Toucan!
Old Snail: [
laughs] So you're looking for a magic toucan, huh?
Cartibella: Yes, yes!
Old Snail: No, I don't know anything about no magic toucan! First you talk about a falling star and now a magic toucan! [
goes back into his shell]
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Buffuno: Your Fatness! From the royal kitchen, I give you a meal worthy of a king!
Wartlord: Where's the table?! Or do you expect me to eat on the floor?
[
three toads hop up with a table]
Toads: Here it is, Your Majesty! Here it is! Here's the table! This way! Put it right here! No, no! Put it here, you idiot!
Wartlord: I could eat a horse. I hope you prepared something... different. Something special. Worthy of my greatness [
Buffuno reveals a bowl of beetle soup] WHAT?! Soup again?! Oh, no! I will not tolerate this! [
climbs on top of the table] A king like myself, who is so close to having that diamond, has to put up with
this?! [
throws the soup at Buffuno]
Buffuno: And if we don't get out hands on that diamond, how are you gonna build your statue?
Wartlord: Well, let me see, I think I'll apply for a loan from the World Bank!
Buffuno: [
laughs] Great idea! Brilliant, Your Obviousness! You deserve that and much more! An impressive gold statue, so nobody will forget your endless mercy, your infinite kindness, and great bumbleness... I mean, bumblebees. I mean... I don't know what's wrong with me! I just can't seem to say it! Your humbleness! Don't you think he deserves it you three!
Toads: He deserves it! He deserves it! He deserves it! He deserves it!
Wartlord: SHUT UP, YOU STUPID AMPHIBIANS!!! Oh, and by the way, did you chop all the trees I ordered? I don't want anything to cast a shadow over the greatness of my statue.
Buffuno: Certainly, Your Blubberpuss! Your orders were all carried out to the letter!
[
the soup bowl bounces off Buffuno and shatters on a toad's head]
Wartlord: As for my food, get it from the village. Pronto!
Buffuno: [
stammers]
Wartlord: Shh! Out! Get out of here!
Toads: Let's go! [
they drop the table Wartlord is standing on, causing him to fall off] Retreat! Follow me! Come on!
Wartlord: You bunch of nincompoops!
Buffuno: [
helping Wartlord up] Yes, that's right, they're a bunch of idiots! [
laughs] So true!
Toads: Idiots? Yes, they're idiots! They're idiots! Oh, yeah, they are!
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[
Wartlord finds that Night Star is gone from the sky]
Wartlord: Look up there! You insect! Look at that! Someone has stolen my precious diamond! It was stolen!
Buffuno: It was stolen?! Oh, my! How could they do that?! I know nothing about it, Your Hugeness! I swear it wasn't me!
Wartlord: You don't have the brains to do something like that! Now, search the kingdom until you find it!
Buffuno: THE KING'S DIAMOND WAS STOLEN!!! [
begins running all over the castle] THE KING'S DANDELION, THE KING'S SALMON, THE KING'S DIAMOND WAS STOLEN!!! [
ends up with Wartlord, back where he started] You haven't seen the King's diamond, have you?
Wartlord: No, I haven't seen it. [
growls with rage] STOP FOOLING AROUND! [
knocks Buffuno off the ledge and into the swamp] FIND ME THAT DIAMOND OR I'LL THROW INTO THE DUNGEON!!!
Buffuno: NOW, HE'S REALLY MAD THIS TIME!!! [
falls into the murky water]
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Wartlord: Say, Buffuno, what's this Christopher Cricket like?
Buffuno: Well, he's a happy cricket, Your Stupidness.
Wartlord: Well, I'm starting to think that this diamond is a fake, and that it'll never shine!
Buffuno: Hey, Your Frumpiness, why don't you try doing some positive thinking?
Wartlord: Positive?!
Buffuno: Sure! It might work!
Wartlord: That's very difficult, Buffuno.
Buffuno: Why don't you try it? Now focus, gather around, and close your eyes.
Toads: Focus! Focus! Gather around!
[
he and the three toads surround Wartlord and the toads are ready to do three rounds]
Buffuno: Concentrate! Concentrate! Concentrate!
[
one of the toads fart; before the toads are unwilling to do the last round]
Toad: No, no! That won't work! Negative thinking's much more fun!
[
Buffuno and the toads crack up laughing]
Wartlord: SHUT UP! I've had quite enough of your nonsense! If this diamond won't shine for me, it won't shine for everyone else!
Buffuno: Patience, Your Dumpiness, it'll shine!
Wartlord: Tomorrow morning, I want you to go to the village and destroy everything!
Buffuno: But, but, but...
Wartlord: THAT'S...
AN ORDER!!!!!!
[
silence, as "AN ORDER!!!" can be heard by everyone in the village]