Hudson Hawk (1991)

Share this quote on facebook If the Mario brothers weren't New Jersey's third-largest crime family, I'd say, "Kiss my ass." But considering your status, I will say, "Slurp my butt."

Share this quote on facebook How am I driving? 1-800-I'm-gonna-fucking-die!

Share this quote on facebook Hey! Old Man! Yeah, you! You come back here without your little Cub Scout army, and I'll kick your Centrally Intelligent Ass up one side of the piazza and down the other!

Share this quote on facebook [after decapitating Alfred] You won't be attending that hat convention in July!

Share this quote on facebook That doughnut-hole-eating, son-of-a-bitch, take-it-in-the-ear-for-a-beer, rat bastard!

Share this quote on facebook (drugged) I feel like a dolphin who's never tasted melted snow. What does the color blue taste like? Bobo knows! (laughs) I must speak with the dolphins now. Eeeee-eeee-eee-eeeeeee!

Share this quote on facebook What can I tell you? I'm the villain.

Share this quote on facebook This might be hard to believe, but I'm just a regular Joe. I just want to be happy. And happiness comes from the achievement of goals. It's just that when you've made your first billion by the age of 19, it's hard to keep coming up with new ones! But finally, I've got myself a new goal: WORLD DOMINATION!

Share this quote on facebook Money isn't everything - gold is. Fuck T-bills! Fuck blue chip stocks! Fuck junk bonds! We've got the real deal! Money will always be paper, but gold will always be GOLD!

Share this quote on facebook I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career.

Share this quote on facebook I'll kill your friends, your family, and the bitch you took to the prom!

Share this quote on facebook History, tradition, culture... are not concepts! These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights! The chaos we will cause with this machine will be our final masterpiece!

Share this quote on facebook Bunny, ball ball.

Share this quote on facebook Eureka, motherfuckers!

Share this quote on facebook We blow up space shuttles for breakfast. You and your friend Tommy are nothing more than... a late afternoon Triscuit. Ciao.

Share this quote on facebook (his dying words) MY PENSION!

Share this quote on facebook Cardinal The Vatican has foiled the advances of pirates and terrorists. We will not lie down for some schmuck from New Jersey.

Share this quote on facebook Cardinal (in a confessional) Hit me with your best shot.

Share this quote on facebook Hudson Hawk: Don't I know you?
George Kaplan: The last time you saw me, I was bald, with a beard and no mustache, and I had a different nose. So if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended.
Hudson Hawk: My high school science teacher?

Share this quote on facebook Darwin Mayflower: So, Hawkmeister. We've got you clothes, a great hotel and a 250,000 lira per diem.
Minerva Mayflower: That's 200 dollars a day. So he can get a hooker and some tequila? Veto, Darwin!
Hudson Hawk: I guess we see who wears the penis in this family.

Share this quote on facebook George Kaplan: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Rome. I did my first bare-handed strangulation here. Communist politician.
Hudson Hawk: Why, George, you old softie.

Share this quote on facebook Snickers: Good news Hawk, the Mayflowers have moved up the timetable, you're hitting the Vatican tonight.
Hudson Hawk: Oh, no! No no, hold on, no way! The timing is off, I'm underequipped, and besides that, I've got a date.
Almond Joy: (reading Hawk's shopping list) Grapple, biker's bottle, pocket fisherman, olive oil, 100 stamps? Gee stud, this's going to be some date! No Harvey's Bristol Cream?

Share this quote on facebook [Hudson finds out Anna is a nun.]
Anna: It doesn't mean I don't love you.
Hudson Hawk: Oh, no, you love me! It's your job! You probably love Butterfinger over there.
Anna: Well, yeah, in a weird sort of Catholic way, I do.

Share this quote on facebook [Snickers has a time bomb stuck to his head.]
Snickers: (leaping around desperately) Get this fucking thing off my head!
Hudson Hawk: Hey Tommy, look at Snickers.
Tommy Five-Tone: Yeah, he's about to have a bad migraine.

Share this quote on facebook Darwin Mayflower Tommy, you New-York-Italian-father-made-twenty-bucks-a-week-son-of-a-bitch! You were hired as bait, and on this one simple task you have betrayed me! Do you have an answer why?
Tommy Five-Tone: I got five of them! [punches Darwin]

Share this quote on facebook Hudson Hawk: Anna, we're supposed to be saving you.
Anna: I know. I got bored so I saved myself.

Share this quote on facebook Hudson Hawk: You're supposed to be all cracked up at the bottom of the hill!
Tommy Five-Tone: Air bags! Can you fucking believe it?
Anna: You're supposed to be blown up into fiery chunks of flesh!
Tommy Five-Tone: Sprinkler system set up in the back! Can you fucking believe it?

Share this quote on facebook Catch the excitement. Catch the laughter. Catch the Hawk.

Share this quote on facebook For this cat burglar, nine lives may just not be enough.

Share this quote on facebook Shy. Sensitive. Law-abiding. Polite. Respectful. - I don't think so.

Share this quote on facebook Catch the Excitement. Catch the Adventure. Catch the Hawk.

Share this quote on facebook Watch your step. Hold your breath. Hang on for dear life. And catch...the hawk.