MouseHunt (1997)

Share this quote on facebook No capers? But that's just grilled cheese. What's the point? Why don't they eat out of a trough? [He rings a counter-bell, looking around at the diner's customers] Alright! Which one of you palateless sheep sent my sandwich back?

Share this quote on facebook Yeah, I was on top once, too. And there's only one way to go from there, and that's down, baby! Down!

Share this quote on facebook I don't think we're dealing with an ordinary mouse.

Share this quote on facebook Hasta la vista, you little rat bastard!

Share this quote on facebook Pop's lucky string! That son of a bitch ate it!

Share this quote on facebook [when Lars accidentally hits Ernie with a broom] What are you doing, ya stupid nitwit?!

Share this quote on facebook [when Lars accidentally smacks Ernie's hand with a hammer] Are you trying to kill me?!

Share this quote on facebook [Upon seeing the box, returned for insufficient postage] I told you, you should have weighed him.

Share this quote on facebook [quoting his father] A world without string... is chaos!

Share this quote on facebook Christmas isn't about complaining over what we don't have. We should be thankful for what we do have.

Share this quote on facebook [explaining to Ernie how April apologized to him] She just showed up at the factory, took off her coat, and begged me to take her. We made love in a way that I've only ever seen in nature films.

Share this quote on facebook [as Ernie blasts the house apart with a shotgun] Are you crazy? You're blowing the whole house up! The only thing you haven't hit so far is the mouse! Why don't you give someone else a chance with that gun? [Ernie levels the shotgun at him, and Lars immediately relents] You're doing a wonderful job.

Share this quote on facebook [Lars points to the hole on the floor] Look! You blew a hole in the floor!

Share this quote on facebook [At the funeral of Rudolf Smuntz, his sons Lars and Ernie are bickering as they help carry his coffin out of the church.]
Lars: Hold your end up higher. You're not holding it.
Ernie: I am too.
Lars: You are not.
Ernie: Don't worry about me. Say, isn't that suit charcoal?
Lars: No.
Ernie: Looks charcoal gray to me, some gray polyester blend. You'd think you could find a black suit for your own father's funeral.
Lars: It's black.
Ernie: No, I'm sure it's gray.
Lars: It's black!
Ernie: Gray!
Lars: Black!
Ernie: Gray!
Lars: Black!
Ernie: Fine, it's black. It's the grayest black I've ever seen.
Lars: It doesn't matter what color it is! [Lars's handle breaks off, causing everybody else to drop the coffin down the steps] I'm sorry, pop. I'm sorry! [the coffin smashes into the hearse, sending Rudolf's corpse flipping into the air and headfirst down an open manhole, The opening credits starts - "DreamWorks Pictures Presents"]
Lars: Quick! Get him out of there!
Sewer worker: He's halfway to the harbor by now, bub.
Ernie: Oh, well.

Share this quote on facebook [The Lawyer is reading the last will of Rudolf Smuntz to Ernie and Lars.] I leave you not just a model factory... but something infinitely more valuable. The future of string... itself. [Ernie opens the blade of the window and sees the factory is causing chaos, The opening credits end - "Directed by Gore Verbinski"] And thus, it is my dying wish that my two sons run Smuntz String together.
Ernie: Great! Let's put a "For Sale" sign on the lawn and see what we can turn up.
Lars: We're not supposed to sell it, Ernie. We're supposed to run it, together.
Ernie: Either way, this godforsaken museum piece is not worth a dime, now is it, Lars?
Lars: Some things are more important than money, Ernie.
[Ernie, to the Lawyer] Notice how it's always the financially-challenged who says that?

Share this quote on facebook [In Rudolf Smuntz' flashback]
Rudolf: My sons...
[Lars whispers] Ernie. Ernie!
[Ernie is reading a magazine] Yeah, just a sec.
Rudolf: I want you...to have...something. My most prized possession. [He holds a string]
[Lars sighs] Oh, it's a piece of st-string.
Rudolf: Not just any string. The string. I found it my first day in America.
Ernie: What's with the string?
Rudolf: I've had it in my pocket for 60 years. Here! [He gives the string to Ernie and Lars] I want you two to share it. Maybe it'll bring you closer together. You haven't talked much lately.
Ernie: Yeah. [He starts to tug on it]
Rudolf: Ach! What are you doing?
Ernie: I'm breaking it in half.
Rudolf: No!
Ernie: No?
Rudolf: I want you to share it. Forever.
Ernie: Sure, Pop, sure. You carry it the first 50 years, I'll take it the next.
Lars: Sure.
Ernie: And turn up the morphine drip a little.
Rudolf: I heard that. [Ernie goes back to reading the magazine] Promise me... that you will never sell... Smuntz String... to one of those big conglomerates. Keep it between you. Brothers. Family. Promise.
Lars: I promise, Pop. [back in the present] I promise.

Share this quote on facebook Ernie: When I'm in the kitchen, I cook. I can't control every single thing that goes on in there.
Lars: You know, it really isn't fair for everybody to blame you. You didn't do anything wrong.
Ernie: Yes, but society always needs someone to persecute. A scapegoat, someone to demonize. The same thing happened to Galileo.
Lars: Really? That's unbelievable. With a cockroach, and everything?
Ernie: No. The point is, I put everything I had into that restaurant. It was my livelihood, and my home. In one fatal bite, it was all taken away from me. If only we could sell the factory.
Lars: I'd let you stay with me, you know, but, uh, April threw me out.
Ernie: Oh, that's too bad.
Lars: Yeah, well, don't worry about me, though, Ernie. This is temporary. April's been like this since high school. She'll be back. I...
Ernie: Well, would you look at that? Sleeping in the street. Pitiful.
Homeless Man: If I had a house, I'd sleep in it!

Share this quote on facebook [Lars, after Ernie insults their late father] Wow, did you feel that?
Ernie: What?
Lars: I got a chill. You should never talk about Pop like that.
Ernie: Really? What's this do for you? [He shouts] Thanks for nothing, you string-sucking old loon!
Lars: He didn't mean it, Pop.

Share this quote on facebook Alexander Falko: LeRue. I have his books, I have his letters. You see the shoes?
[Ernie & Lars glance down at his shoes] LeRue's?
Alexander Falko: No, but I'm sure he would have loved them.

Share this quote on facebook [Lars stares at Ernie's triggered-but-empty mousetrap] I don't believe it. He snapped the trap, ate the olive, and left the pit just to mock us!
Ernie: I think you're giving him a little too much credit. Mice don't mock. They don't have a sense of humor or irony. He's not sitting in his hole in a smoking jacket sipping cognac, and giggling to himself, "I left the pit!" The trap snapped itself, the olive flew off and he ate it. [He starts pouring the cereal he had gotten] It's just that simple. But now that he knows we're here, he won't come within a mile of us. I don't think we'll be seeing any more of that... [the mouse suddenly falls out of the cereal box] Mouse!

Share this quote on facebook [The brothers have covered the entire kitchen floor in baited mousetraps]
Lars: Don't you think this is a little... much?
Ernie: Never underestimate your opponent. Let's say, he has mastered a way to empty a mousetrap without getting caught. If he snaps one of these babies, the chain reaction will start snapping them all. He'll panic, and the law of averages says that one of them has to nab him.
Lars: That's pretty smart.
Ernie: Yeah, well, I like to use both sides of my brain.

Share this quote on facebook [Lars and Ernie are at the animal shelter in search of a suitable mouse-hunting cat.]
Maury, the Handler: Find the one you want, and I'll spay or neuter it myself.
Lars: Well, these are all kittens. We were hoping for an older cat, one with experience.
Maury, the Handler: That's a switch. Most people want the cute little ones. Experience with what?
Ernie: Mouse-hunting.
Maury, the Handler: Oh, all cats are good mousers.
Ernie: Yes, but you see, we have huge rats, the size of sumo wrestlers, and lots of them, so we really need a ferocious feline, preferably with a history of mental illness. I'm talking... one mean pussy.
Lars: Yeah! A vicious cat, difficult to love. You have any of those knocking around your cages?
Maury, the Handler: Funny you should ask. I'd given up hope on anyone wanting him. We were about to... gas him again.
Ernie & Lars: Again?
[Maury leads the brothers to a chained-and-padlocked crate.]
Maury: He's spent most of his life in that box, I expect...
[Ernie reads a tag tied to the crate] "Catzilla"?
Maury: Oh, you know the guys who clean up call him that, but you can call him anything you want. I'd say he looks more like a "Fluffy."
[Lars leans down] Aw, poor little Catzilla. You want a home, don't you? You want to get out of here. Well, you're gonna have to kill, kill, kill for it!
Ernie: You're a stupid cat, aren't you? Yes, you are! And you're ugly, too, extremely ug...
[The cat lunges, until Maury subdues him with a taser.]
[Lars sees his ripped coat sleeve] Oh, you little bastard!
Ernie: We'll take him!

Share this quote on facebook [after turning Catzilla loose in the house...]
Ernie: Wow... I almost feel sorry for the little fella.
[they pause]
Ernie & Lars: ...Almost! [the two laugh]

Share this quote on facebook [The brothers have hired an exterminator named Caesar, who explains his methods.]
Caesar: See, most people aren't what I call... psychologically-equipped to catch mice. But you spend a few days getting into his furry head, you know how to find him, figure out his moves, and then... boom! Sayōnara, mouse.
Lars: Well, you're the expert. [He picks up a can of pesticide]
Caesar: Whoa! Never touch that! [The brothers panic and throw the can around until Caesar catches it]
Lars: What is that?
Caesar: The big one.
Ernie: It's a flea bomb.
Caesar: Works on mice, too.
Ernie: Yeah? Well, it'd better! Because we can't handle any more intrusions.
Caesar: Sure, that's how you perceive it. But to the mouse... You are the intruder.

Share this quote on facebook [The brothers later arrive at the house to see a delirious Caesar being carried out on a stretcher by paramedics.]
Ernie: Oh, my God!
Lars: Caesar, what happened?
Paramedic: Please, sir, he's not well.
Ernie: Try to think! Did you kill the mouse?
Caesar: What's that? Horse?! Fiendish! I won't eat it! [He keeps ranting and raving as he's carried away]

Share this quote on facebook [Having been flooded out of the house in the brothers' last attempt to kill the mouse, the angry auction guests are leaving.]
Ernie: Hey! Don't go! The water was just a… a demonstration of... of how durable a LeRue really is! [he laughs] How about that, huh? Now, you know... this house will last forever! [the house suddenly collapses]

Share this quote on facebook The funniest movie of the year!

Share this quote on facebook Who's hunting who?

Share this quote on facebook The Mouse Never Dies

Share this quote on facebook The squeak shall inherit the earth.

Share this quote on facebook You don't need to be big to be a hero.

Share this quote on facebook Eric Poppick as Theodore Plumb, the banker