She's Out of My League (2010)

Share this quote on facebook Molly: And I'm fine with that too. And I was fine with you up until about three minutes ago.
Kirk: That's great Molly. I'm so glad you're fine with me.
Molly: Okay, Kirk. Maybe-maybe you're right. Maybe you are a five. You know why? No self-esteem, deduct a point. Everytime someone walks into a room you compare yourself to them, deduct a point. You're a smart and talented guy who's afraid to do anything with it, deduct a point. Um how are we doing? Oh, oh yeah, hoping that I have a defect that you can work with? Deduct whatever's left.
Kirk: I'm out of here. Webbed fucking feet, are you kidding me?
Molly: Kirk!!

Share this quote on facebook Plane Doctor: You shouldn't be using your cellphone. It's bad for the plane.
Patty: Oh, I'm sorry, are you the plane doctor? No, then shut the fuck up.

Share this quote on facebook Patty: Dude, go shit in your hand.

Share this quote on facebook Patty: You look just like someone I went to high school with.
Stainer: Oh yeah? What high school? Maybe it was me.
Patty: No, he's in a coma.
Stainer: Huh. Who brought the good news bear? Somebody give her some fucking honey.

Share this quote on facebook Kirk: Patty's not a bitch, she's uh... different.
Stainer: Yeah, different in that she's a bitch and other people aren't.

Share this quote on facebook [First lines]
Kirk: Marnie, I know that we agreed to take some time off and I think that was a great idea. My God. Gave us both a chance to experiment, if you will, and meet all sorts of new and interesting, different people. You did quite a bit more experimenting than I did. A lot more experimenting. You are like a scientist. Beakers... But obviously I'm cool with that, because the thing is, I think, we're stronger as a result. But here's the thing, Marnie... it's been two years. That's a lot of time off. And I'm ready for some time on. I miss you. I miss us. I got something for you. [pulls out earring box; to his friends] What do you think?
Stainer: Aww, man. It's depressing. I mean, it's really depressing. It's horrible to watch you like this.
Devon: I think it's really pretty. How's it work? [opens box] Oh...
Jack: What the hell is that?
Kirk: I got it for Valentine's Day, right before she broke up with me. Stainer, I know you don't like her very much.
Stainer: No, no. I hate her. In fact, the day that you broke up with her, I marked that down in my calender as a day of rejoicement. I'm going to celebrate it with a cake with her face on it, but instead of eating it, we smash it. Okay? You can do a lot better. You deserve a lot better, Kirky.
Kirk: I thank you, but I've seen what's out there and I don't think it gets any better.
Jack: When have you been out there? When have you left the apartment?
Kirk: I went out on four different dates, with three girls and that guy. I don't know what his intentions were, but it's fine. We had a great conversation. I think he was just looking for a friend.
Jack: Do you know what your problem is, Kirk?
Kirk: What?
Jack: You're a moodle.
Kirk: A moodle?
Jack: A man poodle. Girls, they want to take you out on a walk. They want to feed you, they want to cuddle you, but make no mistake, no girl wants to do the moodle.
Stainer: No one would ever fuck a moodle.
Jack: No, he's right. I'm telling you, if you want to get Marnie back, she has got to believe that from the second she broke up with you, your life has been a non-stop snatch parade.
Devon: Or... you could just be who you are. Why can't that be good enough?
Stainer: [holding earring box] Why don't you just put your fucking balls in here?

Share this quote on facebook Devon: You're like Yoda.
Jack: I know.
Devon: You're like... Sex Yoda.

Share this quote on facebook Stainer: Foler, you have a choice, you can step aside, or you can fight me. If that's how you wanna go, I warn you, I will go Dark Side. I will rip out your hair, I'll bite your chin off, and I will stab you in the eyes with confiscated scissors. Because I am an insane motherfucker! You know that from the breakroom! What's it gonna be?
Foler: [Shrugs and lets them through]

Share this quote on facebook Stainer: Let's face it, Marnie's kinda a skank. [Marnie appears] Oh, hey Marnie. We were just talking about Marnie the name, and how it's unfortunate it's not more common.
Marnie: Fuck you Stainer.
Stainer: But, you didn't let me finish. More common for skanks.

Share this quote on facebook Kirk: [Answering Molly's phone] Hello?
Patty: Who is this?
Kirk: Might be the guy with the new iPhone, who are you?
Patty: Might be your worst fucking nightmare!

Share this quote on facebook [Devon is shaving Kirk's privates]
Kirk: So how is this not gay?
Devon: I think there's nothing gay about it. The fact that you're letting a straight, married man shave your testicles...I think that makes you one of the most macho guys alive.
Kirk: There is some logic in that...

Share this quote on facebook Kirk: Devon, why would you tell her that I broke up with Molly?
Devon: 'Cause I thought you had.
Kirk: No. We're just in a sticky wicket.
Stainer: A "sticky wicket"?
Kirk: Yeah. A rough patch. Rough pumpkins.
Stainer: And how many times have you called her?
Kirk: Five.
Stainer: And how many times have you really called her?
Kirk: Seventeen.
Stainer: It's done. Tao of Love.
Kirk: What?
Stainer: That's what I call it. The Tao of Love. You being with Molly defies, like, forces of nature. It's over man.
Kirk: No. It's not over. Frankly, I'm sick of all you guys pretending like you know where I'm coming from. None of you know what I'm going through right now.
Stainer: Tina Jordan does.
Kirk: Who the hell is Tina Jordan?
Stainer: She was my Molly.
Kirk: You never mentioned her.
Stainer: I didn't want to jinx it. But she was perfect. Yeah, perfect. Freckled shoulders. Anyway, two months into it, bam, she dumps me. I shoulda seen it coming too, 'cause she was a ten. Like a hard ten. I was a six, possibly a seven. Either way, I couldn't cover the spread. The universe spoke and I was depressed for months.
Kirk: That's what that was? You said you had mono.
Stainer: Yeah. Mono of the heart.
Jack: Oh, my God, how's your vagina?
Stainer: Shut up, Jack!

Share this quote on facebook Mr. Fuller: Thanks for coming in, Kettner.
Kirk: Sorry I'm late, Fuller.
Mr. Fuller: You better have a damn good excuse.
Kirk: Nope.
Mr. Fuller: Take a second? Make something up?
Kirk: Nope.
Mr. Fuller: Interesting.

Share this quote on facebook Museum Director: Can I see your invitation?
Kirk: Can I see your invitation?
Devon: Probably not the best thing to say to the Museum Director.

Share this quote on facebook Stainer: Okay now I know you've gone crazy. You are telling me the hottest chick I've ever met in my life wants you, and the Hamburglar wasn't into me? Listen to yourself... FUCK YOU.
Devon: It is a pretty impressive catch, Kirkey.
Stainer: Yeah, the day that happens is the day Jack sleeps with your wife. [shocked silence] What? Did that already happen?
Devon: We weren't technically dating yet.
Stainer: My bad.

Share this quote on facebook Devon: Hey, did she say anything about Wendy thinking I'm hot?
Kirk: No.
Devon: Shoot, I wonder if she is on Facebook?
Kirk: Devon, you're on Facebook?
Devon: Yeah... I got like 37 friends.

Share this quote on facebook Kirk: She is coming to lunch with my parents on Sunday.
Stainer: That takes care of that, 20 minutes with your family and she will file a restraining order. We're safe.
Devon: Hey did she say anything about Wendy? You know... like about me?

Share this quote on facebook [Kirk is introducing Molly to his family]
Kirk: This is when you say "Hi Molly".
Dylan: Who are you?
Kirk: She is Molly.
Ron: Why is she here?
Kirk: She came with me.
Dylan: Did you hit her car or something?
Kirk: Jesus... No but thank you for asking.
Dylan: Are you a social worker?
Molly: Nope.
Dylan: Aw shit are we being evicted?
Kirk: No.
Dylan: Are you a hooker?
Debbie: Dylan!
Dylan: Or a prostitute I mean?

Share this quote on facebook Ron: Come on in for a dip, girl.
Molly: Oh no, I don't even have a bathing suit.
Dylan: You can wear your underwear. It's just like a bikini it covers all the good shit.
Ron: Yeah, underwear is fine.
Marnie: RON!
Ron: It's like what they did in the old days.
Molly: Underwear would be fine... if I were wearing any.

Share this quote on facebook Dylan: Fuck it! This floor is slippery. These shoes are fucked for this.
Mr. Kettner: Dylan, sportsmanship!
Dylan: Fuck you!
Mrs. Kettner: Timeout.
Dylan: You guys take a timeout for being assholes.

Share this quote on facebook How can a 10 go for a 5?

Share this quote on facebook It'll all add up March 12

Share this quote on facebook When she's this hot, You get one shot.