Lt. Col. Alan Caldwell
Jay Austin
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[to Col. Lawrence] You know what I'd like? I'd like you to resist arrest. Just a little. God, I'd really like that.
[cuffs one hand] You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorn -
[Col. Lawrence elbows him in the face with free arm] Sgt. Maj. Ross Maclure
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You open your mouth one more time, and I'll shove your head so far up your ass, you'll be talking out of your armpit.
Dialogue
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Alan: Now, are you sure you want to have a fight? Because I'm only gonna use my thumb.
Bully in Bar: Thumb?
Alan: My right thumb. Left one's much too powerful for you.
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Alan: You're not going out dressed like that. Are you?
Donna: Like what?
Alan: Well, you can see right through that dress. You might just as well go out without one.
Donna: There's a thought.
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Alan: [
to Julius] Now why don't you ask him how he won the Medal of Honor?
Ross: How old are you, Julius?
Julius: Eight.
Ross: You want to live to be nine?
Alan: Obviously, he didn't win it for charm.
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Alan:
[to bully at bar] You see these little oak leaves? They're silver. That means I'm a lieutenant-colonel. If they were gold, THEN I'd be a major! Understand?
[hits the bully's head on the bar]
Bully:
[grunts & nods] Yes sir!
Alan: Now, next time you see an officer of the Army, you'll know how to recognize his rank!
Cast