Harris K. Telemacher (Steve Martin) is a TV meteorologist living in Los Angeles. He is in a dead-end relationship with his social-climbing girlfriend Trudi (Marilu Henner), and wants to find some meaning and magic in his life and also finds himself growing increasingly weary of what he sees as the rather shallow and superficial city of LA.
Part one
A beautiful young woman named Hermia (Olivia de Havilland) is in love with Lysander (Dick Powell) and wishes to marry him. Her father Egeus (Grant Mitchell), however, has instructed her to marry Demetrius (Ross Alexander), whom he has chosen for her. When Hermia refuses to obey, stating she is in love with Lysander, her father invokes before Duke Theseus of Athens (Ian Hunter) an ancient Athenian law that states a daughter must marry the suitor chosen by her father, or else face death. Theseus offers her another choice—to live a life of chastity as a nun and worship the goddess Diana.
Bill Rago (DeVito) is a divorced advertising executive down on his luck. When he loses his job in Detroit, the unemployment agency finds him a temporary job: teaching a class at a nearby U.S. Army training base, Fort McClane.
Don Pedro of Aragon (Denzel Washington) and his noblemen are visiting their good friend Leonato (Richard Briers) in Messina after having crushed an uprising led by Don John (Keanu Reeves), the prince's bastard half-brother. With him is the misogynistic and witty Benedick (Kenneth Branagh), erstwhile flame of Leonato's equally sharp-tongued and somewhat fierce niece, Beatrice (Emma Thompson). Beatrice and Benedick are both stubborn and proud. Also present are Benedick's "sworn brother" Claudio (Robert Sean Leonard), a young count; and Don John who, despite his attempt at rebellion, has apparently reconciled with his brother. Claudio has been thinking fondly of Leonato's gentle and lovely daughter Hero (Kate Beckinsale) since before he went to war, and returns to find her as attractive as ever. Don Pedro, learning of his young friend's feelings, decides to act on his behalf and arranges the match at a party. An unrepentant and ill-intentioned Don John attempts to foil it, but unsuccessfully: the match is made. Needing something to pass the time until the wedding day, Don Pedro decides to arrange a similar fate for Beatrice and Benedick. Of course, with each party being such a “professed tyrant” to the opposite sex, this match will take a little more ingenuity.
Evangeline (Eva for short) Dandridge works for The Los Angeles Health Department as an inspector, a job most suitable for her bossy and perfectionist nature. She and her sisters, Kareenah, Bethany, and Jacqui, have been taking care of each other since their parents died when they were young. As a result of the combination of her personality and her family's circumstances, Eva's level of involvement in her sisters' lives causes a high level of tension between her and her sisters' significant others (Mike, Tim, and Darrell, respectively).
In Denmark, Prince Hamlet finds himself involved in a conspiracy of power to the royal palace. Cruel uncle Claudius kills his brother and takes the power of the kingdom. After an encounter with the restless ghost of his murdered father, Hamlet feigns madness and plots to take vengeance.
Berke Landers (Ben Foster) and his girlfriend Allison (Melissa Sagemiller) were the quintessential high-school couple who grew up together and eventually fell in love, but she breaks up with him immediately after the film begins. This leads to an opening musical number of "Love Will Keep Us Together" by Vitamin C, imagined by Berke. He seeks advice from his embarrassing parents Frank (Ed Begley Jr.) and Beverly Landers (Swoosie Kurtz), who are hosts of a relationship advice show called Love Matters, but they don't help with the situation and constantly focus on his sex life and sexuality throughout the film. Allison then starts a relationship with Striker (Shane West), a 'foreign' student who was once the lead singer of a boy band called "The Swingtown Lads". When Allison and Striker audition for the school's upcoming musical, Berke desperately tries to win Allison back by also auditioning for the play, despite having no theatrical talent and having a busy schedule as a member of the basketball team. Meanwhile, Berke's friends Felix (Colin Hanks) and Dennis (Sisqó) try to find a new girlfriend for him.
In Monte Athena, in the Kingdom of Italy, young lovers Lysander (Dominic West) and Hermia (Anna Friel) are forbidden to marry by her father Egeus (Bernard Hill), who has promised Hermia to Demetrius (Christian Bale). Lysander and Hermia makes plans to flee to the forest to escape the arrangement. Demetrius follows them, having been made aware of the plan by Helena (Calista Flockhart), a young woman who is desperately in love with him. Once in the forest, they wander into the fairy world, ruled by Oberon (Rupert Everett) and Titania (Michelle Pfeiffer), King and Queen of the fairies. Oberon and his servant sprite Puck (Stanley Tucci) cause mayhem among the lovers with a magic potion that causes both Lysander and Demetrius to fall in love with Helena, leading to a rift between all four that culminates (famously in this adaptation) in a mud-wrestling scene. Oberon then bewitches Titania with the same potion.
During a high school basketball game, Odin James (Phifer) scores the basket that wins the game for his team. Later at an awards ceremony, the coach, Duke Goulding (Martin Sheen) presents the MVP award to Odin for his efforts, an award he shares with his teammate Michael Cassio (Andrew Keegan). In giving Odin the award, Duke passes over his son Hugo (Hartnett), Odin's teammate and best friend. At a party celebrating the victory, Hugo plans with school outcast Roger Calhoun (Elden Henson) to go to the school's dean, Bob Brable (John Heard) and tell him that Odin raped his daughter, Desi (Stiles), whom Odin has been dating. Hugo promises Roger that Desi will be his after Odin is out of the way, but Roger is only a pawn in Hugo's ultimate plan to destroy Odin.
Cattle baron George Washington "G.W." McLintock (John Wayne) is living the single life on his ranch. He is estranged from wife Katherine (Maureen O'Hara), who left him two years before, suspecting him of adultery.
À Padoue, le signore Baptista désespère de trouver un mari qui puisse résister au caractère colérique de sa fille aînée Catharina. Car d'autre part il se refuse à chercher un mari pour sa fille cadette Bianca avant d'avoir trouvé un mari pour la première des deux sœurs. L'un des soupirants de Bianca, Hortensio, reçoit bientôt la visite de Petruccio, un marchand ruiné originaire de Vérone qui lui confie qu'il est venu à Padoue chercher richesse et femme. Hortensio lui met alors dans la tête de conquérir le cœur de Catharina, ce qui lui donnerait l'occasion de mettre la main sur une dot de 20 000 couronnes d'or.
Hidetora Ichimonji, a powerful warlord, experiences a dream reminding him that he's showing his age and decides to divide his kingdom among his three sons: Taro, Jiro, and Saburo. Taro, the eldest, will receive the prestigious First Castle and become leader of the Ichimonji clan, while Jiro and Saburo will be given the Second and Third Castles. Hidetora will retain the title of Great Lord and Jiro and Saburo are to support Taro.
Terry Griffith (Joyce Hyser) is an aspiring teenage journalist living in Phoenix, Arizona who feels that teachers don't take her school newspaper articles seriously because of her good looks. After failing to get her dream job as a newspaper intern, she comes to the conclusion that it is because she is a girl.