Although a devoted couple, empty nesters Kay and Arnold Soames (Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones) are in need of (in Kay's opinion) help to reignite the spark in their marriage. They have slept in separate rooms for years since their youngest child went off to college, and forgo any physical affection. One day Kay (who works as a Coldwater Creek employee) tells Arnold (a partner in an Omaha accounting firm) she has paid for them to undergo a week of intense marriage counseling with Dr. Bernie Feld (Steve Carell) in a coastal resort town in Maine. Arnold, a creature of plodding, unimaginative routine, denies their marriage is in trouble.
Adam Lerner is a 27-year-old public radio journalist in Seattle with an artist girlfriend Rachael, of whom his best friend and co-worker Kyle disapproves; where Kyle is brash and outspoken, Adam is more introverted and mild-mannered.
Mavis Gary (Charlize Theron) is a divorced, alcoholic 37-year-old ghost writer of a series of young adult novels, who is on deadline with her editor to finish the last book of the soon-to-be-cancelled series. Mavis receives an e-mail with a picture of the newborn daughter of her high school boyfriend Buddy Slade (Patrick Wilson) and his wife Beth (Elizabeth Reaser). Believing this to be a sign she and Buddy are meant to be together, Mavis leaves Minneapolis and returns to her hometown of Mercury, Minnesota, to reclaim her life with Buddy, under the pretext of overseeing a real estate deal.
Three years after escaping Guantanamo Bay, best friends and roommates Harold Lee and Kumar Patel have since gone their separate ways. Harold has become a successful businessman on Wall Street, given up smoking cannabis, and married his Latina girlfriend Maria. Kumar on the other hand is poor, and still lives in the messy apartment he once shared with Harold. Kumar has recently been dumped by his girlfriend Vanessa, who arrives at Kumar's apartment to inform him that she is pregnant with his child. Maria's father and Harold's father-in-law, Mr. Perez, decides to stay at Harold and Maria's house for the Christmas holiday. Mr. Perez, who doesn't like Harold, also brings over his prized Christmas tree that he has been growing for eight years, and gives Harold a small lecture about the tree's importance. Kumar receives a package with Harold's name on it at his apartment, and decides to deliver it to Harold. At Harold's house, they discover the item inside is a large marijuana joint.
Thirty-something Kassie Larson (Aniston) is single, hasn't found love yet, and decides she wants to have a baby. Despite the objections of her neurotic long-time best friend Wally Mars (Bateman), she chooses to do so alone because she can't wait any longer. She also wants a face-to-face sperm donor, disdaining using a sperm bank. Wally suggests he be the donor, but Kassie sees him as a bit too neurotic, pessimistic, and self-absorbed, and besides, as best friends, "that would be weird." Wally has always had feelings for Kassie, and they dated six years ago, but his friend Leonard (Goldblum) points out he missed his chance when she put him in the "friend zone".
Bliss Cavendar (Ellen Page) is a misfit in the small town of Bodeen, Texas, with no sense of direction in her life. Her mother, Brooke (Marcia Gay Harden), a former beauty queen, pushes her to enter beauty pageants despite her lack of interest. During a shopping trip to Austin with her mother, Bliss encounters three roller derby team members and finds herself intrigued by the sport in which teams and players are given pun names that highlight the violent aspect of the sport. Intrigued, she and her friend Pash attend a roller derby bout under the pretense of going to a football game, where they see the "Holy Rollers" defeat the "Hurl Scouts", a perennially unsuccessful derby team.
An older man and his dog are out hunting, when they discover a serving tray on a stand in the middle of a frozen lake. He notices the words "Come and See" painted on several trees as he lifts the lid.
The film begins in medias res with a recorded 911 call of a boy screaming that he and his friend found two bodies lying in blood in an old vacation house.
Following the events of Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle, Harold Lee and Kumar Patel set off on a flight to Amsterdam so that Harold can pursue a budding romance with his neighbor, Maria. Before they board their plane, they run into a friend from college named Colton, and Kumar's ex-girlfriend, Vanessa, who are getting married in Texas. During the flight, a woman suspects Kumar is a terrorist after mistaking his bong for a bomb. Sky marshals detain the duo and the plane diverts to Washington D.C. Ron Fox, an obsessive and racist Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security, sends them to Guantanamo Bay detention camp in Cuba, thinking they are agents of a joint Al-Qaeda and North Korean conspiracy, against the advice of NSA Vice-Chairman John Beecher. With the inadvertent assistance of two other prisoners, Harold and Kumar escape and board a Cuban refugee boat to Miami, Florida. They meet up with their college friend, Raza, who loans them a car so they can travel to Texas to get help from Colton, whose family has political connections.
A straight bass player in an "all gay band" called The Jerk-Offs, Nick O'Leary (Michael Cera) is a teenager from Hoboken, New Jersey. Nick is still heartbroken after his girlfriend, Tris (Alexis Dziena), broke up with him three weeks, two days, and 23 hours ago, and continues to make for her "breakup" mix CDs. Thom (Aaron Yoo) and Dev (Rafi Gavron), his gay bandmates who both hate Tris, convince Nick to perform at a club because his favorite band— the legendary, publicity-shy indie band Where's Fluffy? —is performing somewhere in New York City that night. Norah Silverberg (Kat Dennings) attends the same high school as Tris, Convent of the Sacred Heart, and though Norah and Tris dislike each other, they have a mutual friend named Caroline (Ari Graynor). Norah has not met Nick, but shares his taste in music based on recovering his mix CDs after Tris discards them in the trash. That night, the three girls end up at Arlene's Grocery on Manhattan's Lower East Side, where The Jerk-Offs are playing. Norah asks Nick to pretend to be her boyfriend to show up Tris. Norah kisses him, unaware that he is the ex-boyfriend of Tris. Caroline gets drunk and Norah wants to take her home, but Nick's bandmates (who see Norah as a potential new girlfriend for him) offer to take Caroline home so Norah and Nick can spend time together trying to find the show.
Psychotherapist Claire Summers (Anne Hathaway) is called upon by her supervisor (Andre Braugher) to treat a group of five survivors of a recent plane crash; passengers Dean (Ryan Robbins), Norman (Don Thompson), Shannon (Clea DuVall), Eric (Patrick Wilson) and flight attendant Janice (Chelah Horsdal). Claire talks to Eric in the hospital, who seems unusually upbeat. When Claire holds a counselling session for the survivors (except Eric, who decided not to come), she receives different recounts, with some not even remembering certain parts of the crash. Afterwards, Claire meets up with Mr. Arkin (David Morse), who is seemingly an official from the airline to confirm which parts of their recounts are true. He however dismisses her, claiming that the crash was the pilot's fault. She then proceeds to Eric's home for a private counselling, with Eric becoming attracted to her. Claire becomes suspicious of him when he reveals personal information about her, including how he knows what type of coffee she likes and asking whether she has a sister.
Sixteen-year-old Minnesota high-schooler Juno MacGuff (Ellen Page) discovers she is pregnant with a child fathered by her friend and longtime admirer, Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera). She initially considers an abortion. Going to a local clinic run by a women's group, she encounters outside a schoolmate who is holding a rather pathetic one-person pro-life vigil. Once inside, however, Juno is alienated by the clinic staff's authoritarian and bureaucratic attitudes. She is particularly offended by their calling her "sexually active", a term which she feels demeans the highly emotional event by which she became pregnant. All of this decides her against abortion, and she decides to give the baby up for adoption. With the help of her friend Leah (Olivia Thirlby), Juno searches the ads in the Pennysaver and finds a couple she feels will provide a suitable home. She tells her parents, Mac (J.K. Simmons) and stepmother, Bren (Allison Janney), who offer their support. With Mac, Juno meets the couple, Mark and Vanessa Loring (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner), in their expensive home and agrees to a closed adoption.
Molly Mahoney (Natalie Portman), called "Mahoney" throughout the film, is an employee at "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium", a magical toy shop run by the eccentric 243-year-old Mr. Edward Magorium (Dustin Hoffman). Besides Molly and Mr. Magorium, store bookbuilder Bellini (Ted Ludzik), a strongman, is also employed. Eric Applebaum (Zach Mills) is a boy who comes to the store daily and functions as an employee despite his young age. He also narrates the story and introduces the characters.
Reporter Sadie Blake has just published a notable article featuring a secret Gothic party scene. The very night following the publication, one of Sadie's sources, Tricia Rawlins, is invited by her friend Kaitlyn to an isolated house in which such a party is to take place. Tricia is reluctant to enter with the curfew set by her strict father, so Kaitlyn goes alone. When she does not return, Tricia becomes worried and enters the house as well. To her horror, she finds Kaitlyn in the basement with two vampires hanging onto her and drinking her blood. She tries to hide, but the vampires find her quickly. The next day, Sadie learns of the girl's death and decides to investigate the matter. She soon attracts the interest of the vampire cult, who kidnap her and bring her in for questioning. Following that, she is raped and murdered by the vampires.
Harold Crick, an agent for the Internal Revenue Service, lives his life by his wristwatch. He is assigned to audit an intentionally tax-delinquent baker, Ana Pascal, to whom he is attracted. On the same day, he begins hearing the voice of a woman omnisciently narrating his life but is unable to communicate with it. Harold's watch stops working and he resets it using the time given by a bystander; the voice narrates, "little did he know that this simple, seemingly innocuous act would result in his imminent death". Worried by this prediction, Harold consults a psychiatrist who attributes the voice to schizophrenia, though they consider that if there really is a narrator, he should visit an expert in literature. Crick visits Jules Hilbert, a literature professor, and relates his story. When Jules recognizes aspects of a literary work in Harold's story, he encourages Harold to identify the author, first by determining if the work is a comedy or tragedy.